Seduction
A haiga8 total reviews
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry. this poem showed your imagination and creativity. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. The artwork and background color completed the entry well
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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A well-written contest entry. this poem showed your imagination and creativity. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. The artwork and background color completed the entry well
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you!
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiga, Seduction, has a 5-7-5 format and uses the iconic Venus flytrap to personi-"fly" the allure of those batting lash-like fillia. Nice.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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This haiga, Seduction, has a 5-7-5 format and uses the iconic Venus flytrap to personi-"fly" the allure of those batting lash-like fillia. Nice.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Rhonni
Yikes, poor little bugs...this is a very creative piece and the photo is a perfect match for your words. I like how you describe the venus fly trap here, taking into consideration the way the plant looks like lashes, clever. nice read!
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Yikes, poor little bugs...this is a very creative piece and the photo is a perfect match for your words. I like how you describe the venus fly trap here, taking into consideration the way the plant looks like lashes, clever. nice read!
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Thanks!
Comment from rspoet
This is a very good entry for the haiga contest
With excellent imagery in the lashes/insect
with solid grammatical connection in present tense
Good use of the em dash (use two dashes) as a cutting device (kireji)
and a fine satori line that gives the ah ha moment
I don't think you need the capitals on Sultry and Fatal
but that is your choice
Perfect picture to match creating the haiga
Very well done
Best wishes in the contest
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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This is a very good entry for the haiga contest
With excellent imagery in the lashes/insect
with solid grammatical connection in present tense
Good use of the em dash (use two dashes) as a cutting device (kireji)
and a fine satori line that gives the ah ha moment
I don't think you need the capitals on Sultry and Fatal
but that is your choice
Perfect picture to match creating the haiga
Very well done
Best wishes in the contest
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much for your insightful review and suggestions.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I'd never thought of Venus Flytraps in quite this way before, but I can see how the connection to the imagery of feminine eyes with long, luscious lashes could be made.
A "Fatal Attraction", indeed!
Your 5/7/5 syllable count is within the limits haiku poetry requires of seventeen syllables or less.
It is written as a moment observed in nature, captured in present tense.
Your kigo is obvious, and your satori is an excellent play on words, a true, 'Ah-ha!' moment.
Good haiku. I'm sure it will be a strong contender in the contest.
Best of luck to you.
~Dean
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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I'd never thought of Venus Flytraps in quite this way before, but I can see how the connection to the imagery of feminine eyes with long, luscious lashes could be made.
A "Fatal Attraction", indeed!
Your 5/7/5 syllable count is within the limits haiku poetry requires of seventeen syllables or less.
It is written as a moment observed in nature, captured in present tense.
Your kigo is obvious, and your satori is an excellent play on words, a true, 'Ah-ha!' moment.
Good haiku. I'm sure it will be a strong contender in the contest.
Best of luck to you.
~Dean
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much for your encouraging words!
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You are very welcome. :)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written artful Haifa. The fly catching plant lures the fly closer and then close its mouth when the fly comes to close. Need one here in summer time.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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A very well-written artful Haifa. The fly catching plant lures the fly closer and then close its mouth when the fly comes to close. Need one here in summer time.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Haha! Glad you enjoyed this funny little haiku. Had one once - died of indigestion...Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Mustang Patty
The venus flytrap is a tricky plant. Its carnivorous ways are scary, but it really eats human flesh! Your words drew a pretty picture of this deadly plant. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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The venus flytrap is a tricky plant. Its carnivorous ways are scary, but it really eats human flesh! Your words drew a pretty picture of this deadly plant. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Comment from mel1to7
This poem is short,not sweet but to the point. Good play on words. I take it that the little prickly leaves on the plant in the picture are "eyelashes" and the flies are drawn into the aroma,beauty ,nectar and flirty ways of the plant(a lady) uh-oh I almost forget the flies must represent (gentlemen) who find their demise in the seduction of the all inclusive lady.I think you are a good writer,look at what all you caused me to see in your poem and like I have said before when you cause someone to pull out of your work feelings and visual insights you are doing good work,in my opinion but what do I know,I'm new at this stuff.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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This poem is short,not sweet but to the point. Good play on words. I take it that the little prickly leaves on the plant in the picture are "eyelashes" and the flies are drawn into the aroma,beauty ,nectar and flirty ways of the plant(a lady) uh-oh I almost forget the flies must represent (gentlemen) who find their demise in the seduction of the all inclusive lady.I think you are a good writer,look at what all you caused me to see in your poem and like I have said before when you cause someone to pull out of your work feelings and visual insights you are doing good work,in my opinion but what do I know,I'm new at this stuff.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for your insightful review! You got it!
