Senryu (ice cream castles)
I dream ice cream!72 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Cute picture with well matching words. We all scream or dream for ice cream at one time or another.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Cute picture with well matching words. We all scream or dream for ice cream at one time or another.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Yes, dragonpoet, we all scream or dream for ice cream. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest. I will keep writing.
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You're welcome.
dp
Comment from Mustang Patty
I know my diet is in trouble when I start dreaming about ice cream! I like the way that you included the young and old in your three lines. It seems that just about everybody loves the treat.
Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
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I know my diet is in trouble when I start dreaming about ice cream! I like the way that you included the young and old in your three lines. It seems that just about everybody loves the treat.
Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
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Yes, Patty, including the young and old was my last edit for my poem. The original second line read "children's tongues and thrill their souls," but I feared that some people may think I had meant the souls of tongues by using the possessive pronoun "their." "old souls" solved this problem and extended my poem to include adults. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
I mean, c'mon, who doesn't like ice cream once in awhile, right?
There's nothing more refreshing on a hot summers night than a banana split made with homemade vanilla ice cream, slathered with hot fudge, then sandwiched between two fresh slices of bananas.
Or even a simple ice cream cone will do.
U-m-mm, u-m-mm, good!
Speaking of good, this is a good senryu.
Good luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
I mean, c'mon, who doesn't like ice cream once in awhile, right?
There's nothing more refreshing on a hot summers night than a banana split made with homemade vanilla ice cream, slathered with hot fudge, then sandwiched between two fresh slices of bananas.
Or even a simple ice cream cone will do.
U-m-mm, u-m-mm, good!
Speaking of good, this is a good senryu.
Good luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Dean, for your animated review. It melts my heart! Thank you also for wishing me success in the contest.
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My pleasure. :)
Comment from sue133
Very refreshing......................like the ice-cream. In a very few words, you conjoured up a great image. You made a bridge between the young and the old with your clever lines of the different interpretations of the, 'ice-cream castles'. Yes, I really like this. Susan
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Very refreshing......................like the ice-cream. In a very few words, you conjoured up a great image. You made a bridge between the young and the old with your clever lines of the different interpretations of the, 'ice-cream castles'. Yes, I really like this. Susan
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Susan, for your review of my "very refreshing" senryu. I am glad you "really like this."
Comment from melyuki
Hi thanks for sharing this delightful senryu about dreams filled with ice-cream... mmm I wonder what flavor .. love the words you have used to create your story. very clever last line to finish off your verse perfectly. hope you do well in the contest.. best of luck cheers mel xx
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Hi thanks for sharing this delightful senryu about dreams filled with ice-cream... mmm I wonder what flavor .. love the words you have used to create your story. very clever last line to finish off your verse perfectly. hope you do well in the contest.. best of luck cheers mel xx
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Mel, for your review of my "delightful senryu." Thank you also for wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from Autumn Splendour
Ice cream, the delight of both young and old, is well crafted in this poem. After feasting in this treat, the result is a fulfilment of desire. Interesting.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Ice cream, the delight of both young and old, is well crafted in this poem. After feasting in this treat, the result is a fulfilment of desire. Interesting.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Autumn Splendour, for your review pf my senryu about "Ice cream, the delight of both young and old."
Comment from Thal1959
Nicely done... could have passed for a Haiku also. Most Senryu's regard a human foible in a cynical sense. Yours regards a foible in a positive sense. This work is pleasing and enjoyable and fits the contest parameters in a different, though acceptable, way. Good luck on the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Nicely done... could have passed for a Haiku also. Most Senryu's regard a human foible in a cynical sense. Yours regards a foible in a positive sense. This work is pleasing and enjoyable and fits the contest parameters in a different, though acceptable, way. Good luck on the contest.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Thal1959, for your review of my "nicely done" senryu I had considered for a haiku contest before I reclassified it as being closer to a senryu. Thank you also for wishing me success in the contest.
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You are welcome - it was my pleasure.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Delightful and I felt the cold icy pleasure of ice cream on my tongue, few words with wonderful sentiments, best of luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Delightful and I felt the cold icy pleasure of ice cream on my tongue, few words with wonderful sentiments, best of luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Dolly, for your review of my "delightful" senryu and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hello poet:
You dream ice cream. That reminds me of the old refrain, "you scream I scream, we all scream for ice cream." Choosing midsummer night's dream as your final line is an inspired move.
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Hello poet:
You dream ice cream. That reminds me of the old refrain, "you scream I scream, we all scream for ice cream." Choosing midsummer night's dream as your final line is an inspired move.
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Yes, Kim, choosing "midsummernight's dream" was an inspired more. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I like this one. It's funny, my daughter was going on and on about ice cream castles and mixing machines yesterday in the car and then this pops up. She's 5. lol
The final line is a great commentary on the proceeding lines.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
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Hi there,
I like this one. It's funny, my daughter was going on and on about ice cream castles and mixing machines yesterday in the car and then this pops up. She's 5. lol
The final line is a great commentary on the proceeding lines.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
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Thank you, G., for your review of my timely ice cream senryu. Thank you for wishing me the best, too.
