Oh Happy Day
Nothing but joy in my heart...26 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, God bless you! I'm so happy for you. What a beautiful poem, my friend, and how wonderful it is that you are dreaming about your mother - God is good. You are so very special to me, you don't know!
I hesitate so much to tamper with such a lovely message, but I am going to offer some suggestions to improve your meter, if I can -
First stanza changes are to keep the 'beat'/rhythm at an even 8 syllables per line, just as your first two lines are:
I sing a song of joy within,
a simple smile, a silly grin,
embracing yet, another day -
so glad that I could kneel and pray.
Second stanza - I want to break down the words in the first line so you begin to 'hear' the syllables:
My = 1
life = 1
is = 1
hap/
i/
ly = 1+1+1
filled =1
with = 1
joy =1
When we count them up, the total is 9 syllables for that line, not 8, as in the first stanza. The starting point for an even meter is an even syllable count.
The next step to establishing an even (smooth) meter is to ensure the emphasis or 'stress' is on the correct syllable - for example, think of music - a drum beat: your first stanza goes like this -
da Dum, da Dum, da Dum, da Dum
That is the 'beat' (or meter) you established with those first two lines (and they are wonderful, so let's see if we can re-word without changing the meaning of the message in each case)...of course, you choose your own replacement words if you like, but just so I have an example to show, I will again pick some:
My life is sweet, so filled with joy,
a newborn child to love - enjoy!
(I'm at peace with my sudden loss) = I have stopped here to now point out what I was saying earlier about the emphasis being on the correct syllable. This line reads: Da dum, Da dum, Da dumDadum. We already know that we want what we had previously - da Dum, da Dum & so on, yes?
So let's try instead:
"and I'm at peace with sudden loss,
for in a dream, Mom came across."
I have no formal training to speak of in poetry, so I don't feel qualified sometimes to express how to change something - I hope this has been of some help to you because it is my heart's desire to share whatever I can with you - you saved my antonym poem! (LOL)
Love,
Dawn
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Oh, God bless you! I'm so happy for you. What a beautiful poem, my friend, and how wonderful it is that you are dreaming about your mother - God is good. You are so very special to me, you don't know!
I hesitate so much to tamper with such a lovely message, but I am going to offer some suggestions to improve your meter, if I can -
First stanza changes are to keep the 'beat'/rhythm at an even 8 syllables per line, just as your first two lines are:
I sing a song of joy within,
a simple smile, a silly grin,
embracing yet, another day -
so glad that I could kneel and pray.
Second stanza - I want to break down the words in the first line so you begin to 'hear' the syllables:
My = 1
life = 1
is = 1
hap/
i/
ly = 1+1+1
filled =1
with = 1
joy =1
When we count them up, the total is 9 syllables for that line, not 8, as in the first stanza. The starting point for an even meter is an even syllable count.
The next step to establishing an even (smooth) meter is to ensure the emphasis or 'stress' is on the correct syllable - for example, think of music - a drum beat: your first stanza goes like this -
da Dum, da Dum, da Dum, da Dum
That is the 'beat' (or meter) you established with those first two lines (and they are wonderful, so let's see if we can re-word without changing the meaning of the message in each case)...of course, you choose your own replacement words if you like, but just so I have an example to show, I will again pick some:
My life is sweet, so filled with joy,
a newborn child to love - enjoy!
(I'm at peace with my sudden loss) = I have stopped here to now point out what I was saying earlier about the emphasis being on the correct syllable. This line reads: Da dum, Da dum, Da dumDadum. We already know that we want what we had previously - da Dum, da Dum & so on, yes?
So let's try instead:
"and I'm at peace with sudden loss,
for in a dream, Mom came across."
I have no formal training to speak of in poetry, so I don't feel qualified sometimes to express how to change something - I hope this has been of some help to you because it is my heart's desire to share whatever I can with you - you saved my antonym poem! (LOL)
Love,
Dawn
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Dawn,
You are a sweetheart to take the time to go into detail to help me out with the meter. I know I have a problem with meter when penning poems. I often get confused because, I've been told when penning a poem you should not use words like, "and, that, and so," therefore I have been trying to stay away from these words when possible. You have cleared up a lot for me in reference to the syllable count, being even throughout for a smoother flow. I have made a copy of your comments, so that I have a guide to go by until I can get the rhythm or beat stuck in my head. Thanks for taking the time to explain to me how it works. I try not to let anything get the best of me, so I will continue to work on my meter. Blessings my dear friend, you are the best! Lots of love.....Portia
Comment from Rhonni
This rhymes and flows so nicely and tells us of your many reasons for joy and happiness. Also enjoyed your author notes to clarify that source of joy you so wonderfully described in the poem. Nice!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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This rhymes and flows so nicely and tells us of your many reasons for joy and happiness. Also enjoyed your author notes to clarify that source of joy you so wonderfully described in the poem. Nice!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Rhonni,
Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments, they are greatly appreciated. Blessings......
Comment from sue133
A brilliant, upliting poem that lifed my spirits. Sometimes we emphasise the negatives in life and forget the positives. It is so refreshing to read your poem of happiness and, I think, gratitude. All the best of luck for the contest. Susan
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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A brilliant, upliting poem that lifed my spirits. Sometimes we emphasise the negatives in life and forget the positives. It is so refreshing to read your poem of happiness and, I think, gratitude. All the best of luck for the contest. Susan
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Susan,
Thank you for such an outstanding review, your very kind comments and best wishes are greatly appreciated. Blessings
Comment from William Ross
very good, yes this is a happy poem for sure. good write, nice rhyming, reads and flows well. good luck on this and have a wonderful day
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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very good, yes this is a happy poem for sure. good write, nice rhyming, reads and flows well. good luck on this and have a wonderful day
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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William,
Thank you for your review, very kind comments and best wishes, they are greatly appreciated. Blessings........
Comment from Bucketlist
Congratulations, your results are emotional. There is so much to be happy about. Some people take their health for granted until the downfall. Happiness is understanding what God's gifts are, and appreciating them.
Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Congratulations, your results are emotional. There is so much to be happy about. Some people take their health for granted until the downfall. Happiness is understanding what God's gifts are, and appreciating them.
Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Thank you for such an outstanding review, you very wise and kind comments are greatly appreciated. Blessings
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You are very welcome
Comment from Caressa_08
Yes, it does seem your day was one of true happiness and joy & I know all true, that makes it even better than some who just might decide an imaginary high. Though happy thoughts here contributed to a fly in the sky poem and it was a very good read.
Caressa_08
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Yes, it does seem your day was one of true happiness and joy & I know all true, that makes it even better than some who just might decide an imaginary high. Though happy thoughts here contributed to a fly in the sky poem and it was a very good read.
Caressa_08
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Caressa,
Thank you for such an outstanding review, six star rating and very kind comments, they are greatly appreciated. Blessings
Comment from Lu Saluna
Hi Portia,
I often snoop around to see who has entered contests so I can help support with reviews. This is very beautifully written. Rhyme and meter are wonderful. Your poem reads very smoothly and flows very well. This is amazing.
I have only one little suggestion since it is a contest entry, you can take it or leave it. See what you think. Up to you, I could be wrong....
I embrace yet, another day (add a comma after 'yet' - it naturally reads this way)
Either way, this is beautifully written. Good luck in the contest my friend.
I am filled with joy to read the test were all negative!
Sending much love and hugs, Lu
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Hi Portia,
I often snoop around to see who has entered contests so I can help support with reviews. This is very beautifully written. Rhyme and meter are wonderful. Your poem reads very smoothly and flows very well. This is amazing.
I have only one little suggestion since it is a contest entry, you can take it or leave it. See what you think. Up to you, I could be wrong....
I embrace yet, another day (add a comma after 'yet' - it naturally reads this way)
Either way, this is beautifully written. Good luck in the contest my friend.
I am filled with joy to read the test were all negative!
Sending much love and hugs, Lu
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Lu,
Thanks for snooping sweetie and for your review and very kind comments. I did as you suggested, and placed a coma behind yet, I really appreciate your help. Sending love and hugs back your way my friend......Portia
Comment from I am Cat
That's wonderful news, Portia! I'm so pleased and delighted! I know you must be as well.
It's so amazing to hear you so happy... nothing makes me smile like that!
Great job on this, and your exuberance comes through!
Love
Cat
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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That's wonderful news, Portia! I'm so pleased and delighted! I know you must be as well.
It's so amazing to hear you so happy... nothing makes me smile like that!
Great job on this, and your exuberance comes through!
Love
Cat
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Cat,
You are a sweetheart and I love you my friend. Thanks so much the review and very kind comments. Blessings...Portia
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi friend, i really love this great great write. So full of joy, sincerity and hope for the next day. The next day comes and it is welcome. There is joy all over the place. I pray you stay in this mood for ever. God bless
Danny Jock
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Hi friend, i really love this great great write. So full of joy, sincerity and hope for the next day. The next day comes and it is welcome. There is joy all over the place. I pray you stay in this mood for ever. God bless
Danny Jock
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Danny,
Thank you for such an outstanding review, a six star rating and very kind comments. You really made my day. Blessings...
Comment from 8Puppies
What a beautiful poem. Congratulations to you for being cancer-free for such a long time. Positive vibes to you and your baby girl. I just entered a poem about my younger sister passing from cancer. Simply horrific. But I am happy for you and your family -- it's awesome to appreciate life. :)
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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What a beautiful poem. Congratulations to you for being cancer-free for such a long time. Positive vibes to you and your baby girl. I just entered a poem about my younger sister passing from cancer. Simply horrific. But I am happy for you and your family -- it's awesome to appreciate life. :)
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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I am sorry for the loss of your sister, I can truly relate to your loss. The reason I joined the site was because my sister made her transition in 2010 due to complications from Lupus. My mother made her transition this past December 21, 2016, the pain of losing a loved one is hard to bear. To loss of my mother was very difficult for me, we were very close, a terrible loss. I know what you are going through with my friend. If you ever need to talk I am here. Welcome to the site and thank you for such an outstanding review and very kind comments. Blessings........
