The Amazing Heist
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Sally and Billy"A team of six plan their final heist.
6 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Billy did some good work: "Billy called Ace Loans" But this is the author muse's inspiration. I often wonder where we get this stuff. A great metaphor: "Although it was considered a hole in the wall," Good allusion: So we will be like Robin Hood," he laughed "We will rob the robbers." A typical justification for thieves...lol Moving on...
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
  |
Billy did some good work: "Billy called Ace Loans" But this is the author muse's inspiration. I often wonder where we get this stuff. A great metaphor: "Although it was considered a hole in the wall," Good allusion: So we will be like Robin Hood," he laughed "We will rob the robbers." A typical justification for thieves...lol Moving on...
Comment Written 04-May-2022
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
-
Thank you Liz for reviewing and your fabulous comments.
Comment from lyenochka
Well Billy and Sally are pretty good info sleuths. Just imagine what they could do today with the internet! They could have hacked into the businesses instead or called up saying they were a customer etc. Lol.
I laughed at Billy still on clean-up duty. I didn't let hubby do much in the kitchen for decades. I'm easing up now that I realize it's good that we both know our way around!
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
|
Well Billy and Sally are pretty good info sleuths. Just imagine what they could do today with the internet! They could have hacked into the businesses instead or called up saying they were a customer etc. Lol.
I laughed at Billy still on clean-up duty. I didn't let hubby do much in the kitchen for decades. I'm easing up now that I realize it's good that we both know our way around!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
-
Thank you so much for reviewing and your fantastic comments. I agree that hubby needs to know his way around the kitchen.
Comment from Mabaker
Good one Alie, I'm still very much in with your characters they are human not artificial they eat and get tired, great. The story is progressing nicely and I'm still here. Keep going. Love U Anne.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
|
Good one Alie, I'm still very much in with your characters they are human not artificial they eat and get tired, great. The story is progressing nicely and I'm still here. Keep going. Love U Anne.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
-
Thanks Love, I am glad you are enjoying it thus far. Now I have to check my messages to see what you have posted. Luv U
Comment from Pantygynt
I was a little disappointed here. I wanted to know how they found all that information out without drawing attention to themselves. There was a great opportunity missed for showing rather than telling had you reproduced in direct speech the actual conversation with the loan company's employee. You chickened out on this. I am afraid.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
 |
I was a little disappointed here. I wanted to know how they found all that information out without drawing attention to themselves. There was a great opportunity missed for showing rather than telling had you reproduced in direct speech the actual conversation with the loan company's employee. You chickened out on this. I am afraid.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
-
Awww I am sorry, I do agree that would have been a great idea. I guess I am a chicken; but I am listening and will improve.I promise.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. This sounds like and interesting story. I would make one suggestion, though. I would leave out some of the food talks, it kind of sidetracks the reader and doesn't add anything to the story. Mention the food but don't go on about it quite as much. It is irrelevant to the story plot.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
|
Excellent. This sounds like and interesting story. I would make one suggestion, though. I would leave out some of the food talks, it kind of sidetracks the reader and doesn't add anything to the story. Mention the food but don't go on about it quite as much. It is irrelevant to the story plot.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
-
Thanks for reading and especially for taking the time to review, I appreciate your kind comments and suggestions. Again thanks.
Comment from Sixty70
You've moved this forward a bit. The team is still in planning mode. Consider using dialogue, showing team members discussing the details of when, where, how, rather than simply telling the reader what they found out.
I wonder what you would have if you took out all references to food. Yes, of course, people need to eat. But these guys seem to have food on the brain most of the time. Their eating does not move your story forward.
One grammar comment. You write: "At four pm of their second day they shut down." You need a comma between 'day' and 'they'. Any time you start a sentence with a preposition, odds are you've started with a prepositional phrase. That phrase needs to be punctuated, usually with a comma, from the rest of the sentence.
Let me know if you don't want any SPAG comments. If you do, I'll try and keep them to a minimum.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
|
You've moved this forward a bit. The team is still in planning mode. Consider using dialogue, showing team members discussing the details of when, where, how, rather than simply telling the reader what they found out.
I wonder what you would have if you took out all references to food. Yes, of course, people need to eat. But these guys seem to have food on the brain most of the time. Their eating does not move your story forward.
One grammar comment. You write: "At four pm of their second day they shut down." You need a comma between 'day' and 'they'. Any time you start a sentence with a preposition, odds are you've started with a prepositional phrase. That phrase needs to be punctuated, usually with a comma, from the rest of the sentence.
Let me know if you don't want any SPAG comments. If you do, I'll try and keep them to a minimum.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
-
Thank you once again for reading and reviewing, I have no problems with SPAG comments, I learn from the comments and suggestions of others. This actually started out as a way to get my annual requirements in and I just got carried away with it. Again thanks.
