The Amazing Heist
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Vote"A team of six plan their final heist.
9 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You've got the reader wanting to yum something down right now. Good allusion to. It's these details that make it more realistic: "she pressed the entrance code to unlock the downstairs door." Possible foreshadowing: "As I get older I do worry about getting caught" This is kind of funny, tongue-in-cheek humor: "And she looked at me with such innocence and told me that of course they worked for me because I was stupid enough to put money in." Everyone is trying to get out easy: " if we would rob it then he would collect the insurance and have a new life." I wonder how many readers will even know what this means...lol: "so I gave you the bumper push which worked."
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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You've got the reader wanting to yum something down right now. Good allusion to. It's these details that make it more realistic: "she pressed the entrance code to unlock the downstairs door." Possible foreshadowing: "As I get older I do worry about getting caught" This is kind of funny, tongue-in-cheek humor: "And she looked at me with such innocence and told me that of course they worked for me because I was stupid enough to put money in." Everyone is trying to get out easy: " if we would rob it then he would collect the insurance and have a new life." I wonder how many readers will even know what this means...lol: "so I gave you the bumper push which worked."
Comment Written 03-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Thank you so much Liz for reviewing and your great comments, I really loved your comment on 'so I gave you the bumper push which worked', lol.
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lol
Comment from lyenochka
That's so thoughtful or even maternal of Abby to bake for her "family." Not only is there unanimous vote to retire after one last job, there is a flashback to how each of them met each other. Enjoyed the humor.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2022
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That's so thoughtful or even maternal of Abby to bake for her "family." Not only is there unanimous vote to retire after one last job, there is a flashback to how each of them met each other. Enjoyed the humor.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much Helene for reviewing and your fantastic comments. Hugs n smiles.
Comment from MelB
Hi Aryr, sorry I'm late to this story. I have read up to this chapter and still trying to catch up. I've been gone for three weeks. I look forward to finding out what else happens.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Hi Aryr, sorry I'm late to this story. I have read up to this chapter and still trying to catch up. I've been gone for three weeks. I look forward to finding out what else happens.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much MelB for reading and then taking the time to review, especially since you have been away. I do hope all went well for you. I am glad you found this enjoyable.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL!! That was a clever ploy, pretend the machine didn't work, I'll have to try that next time I'm broke. I'm sure many will feel sorry for an old age pensioner!! LOL.
What a lot they are, all nice people, all thieves. Love it!! This is really good, Alie. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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LOL!! That was a clever ploy, pretend the machine didn't work, I'll have to try that next time I'm broke. I'm sure many will feel sorry for an old age pensioner!! LOL.
What a lot they are, all nice people, all thieves. Love it!! This is really good, Alie. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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LOL that one was an actual real life episode, my friend in nursing school used to pull that once in a while and she got free stuff, I just thought that memory would be a great touch for them meeting. I think in real life they would be an amazing bunch.
Comment from robyn corum
aryr,
This didn't make a lot of sense to me. The meeting did - in a way, but these guys aren't acting like hardened criminals to me. Those kind of guys would be cocky and thinking they could get away with most anything. They would think they could never get caught - that they were smarter than ALL cops and law enforcement - IMHO.
And, at the end, why are they going through how they met again - if that's for our benefit, it needs to be worked in differently. THEY would already know all that. Right? Didn't wash well for me. Sorry.
Some notes:
1.) "I took pity on her and bought her (a) granola bar.
2.) day this guy asked us if we (wanted to )rob his store.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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aryr,
This didn't make a lot of sense to me. The meeting did - in a way, but these guys aren't acting like hardened criminals to me. Those kind of guys would be cocky and thinking they could get away with most anything. They would think they could never get caught - that they were smarter than ALL cops and law enforcement - IMHO.
And, at the end, why are they going through how they met again - if that's for our benefit, it needs to be worked in differently. THEY would already know all that. Right? Didn't wash well for me. Sorry.
Some notes:
1.) "I took pity on her and bought her (a) granola bar.
2.) day this guy asked us if we (wanted to )rob his store.
Thanks!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Okay I have made the corrections. I am so sorry it didn't set well with you, I guess my intent is that they are not hard core criminals, just lucky ones so far. I thought it would be a nice touch to provide a little history about how they actually met. But I do thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Mabaker
Yes! Another great chapter Alie, it's gonna be a good heist with someone who has brains running the show. Just proves us gals can run things more complicated than a vacunm cleaner. Great job. Love U Anne.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Yes! Another great chapter Alie, it's gonna be a good heist with someone who has brains running the show. Just proves us gals can run things more complicated than a vacunm cleaner. Great job. Love U Anne.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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LOL I think this was a great observation. I have always maintained that we gals were the stronger, superior sex. Occasionally I do let Jim think he has come across something good (but it is my pointing that takes him to the right direction lol) Thanks for reviewing Anne, Luv U
Comment from Pantygynt
I don't think I have ever met such a delightful bunch of crooks. Howard Brenton would be well pleased with you. You may not have shown them on the john but you are going to effective lengths to show us that these are not the sort who go around in stripey bjerseys carrying sacks labelled "Swag".
It is a chilling thought though? How well do you know your neighbours?
Just the one little problem from the copied introduction this time.
"...retirement for a life of crime." same as last time -- from crime."
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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I don't think I have ever met such a delightful bunch of crooks. Howard Brenton would be well pleased with you. You may not have shown them on the john but you are going to effective lengths to show us that these are not the sort who go around in stripey bjerseys carrying sacks labelled "Swag".
It is a chilling thought though? How well do you know your neighbours?
Just the one little problem from the copied introduction this time.
"...retirement for a life of crime." same as last time -- from crime."
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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LOL what neighbours, although I am retired my husband still works and that means we travel around the country. Sometimes we are in an area for a couple of weeks and in others for months. So I don't really have neighbours, most people stay about a week in the campgrounds. Hey I am so glad that Mr. Brenton would be pleased with me. I will get to that correction, thanks so much.
Comment from Sixty70
You've developed interesting characters. I wonder whether their motivations to commit these crimes have sufficient weight to carry you through an entire novel.
Henry says it himself: "I know each of us are well set for life." If these guys are indeed well set for life, they have no business taking this risk unless they're total adrenaline junkies.
A solid plot means having solid conflict. The conflict that comes built-in with being a criminal may not be enough here. When I started reading, I thought they wanted to get out of their lives of crime, and one last, big job would do it. That now doesn't seem to be the case.
A suggestion about commas. Consider looking for an amusing book by Lynne Truss called Eats, Shoots and Leaves. It's amusing and may clear up some of the comma issues for you.
One word choice issue: "...too anxious to lay in bed" This should be lie, because it does not take a direct object. Honestly, every time I use lie or lay, I have to look it up. Consider writing 'stay in bed'.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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You've developed interesting characters. I wonder whether their motivations to commit these crimes have sufficient weight to carry you through an entire novel.
Henry says it himself: "I know each of us are well set for life." If these guys are indeed well set for life, they have no business taking this risk unless they're total adrenaline junkies.
A solid plot means having solid conflict. The conflict that comes built-in with being a criminal may not be enough here. When I started reading, I thought they wanted to get out of their lives of crime, and one last, big job would do it. That now doesn't seem to be the case.
A suggestion about commas. Consider looking for an amusing book by Lynne Truss called Eats, Shoots and Leaves. It's amusing and may clear up some of the comma issues for you.
One word choice issue: "...too anxious to lay in bed" This should be lie, because it does not take a direct object. Honestly, every time I use lie or lay, I have to look it up. Consider writing 'stay in bed'.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate all of your suggestions, I really appreciate the book suggestion and will definitely look for it. Thanks again.
Comment from c_lucas
While I was growing up, the Watch Word was, "Crime doesn't pay!" In today's world, it pays very good. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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While I was growing up, the Watch Word was, "Crime doesn't pay!" In today's world, it pays very good. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you, I am so glad you enjoy it.
