The Amazing Heist
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Team"A team of six plan their final heist.
6 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Mentioning food, as we know, is the best.
"His mind's eye saw them covered in chocolate for dessert." It seems the last heist becomes a cautionary tale. This may be a foreshadowing.
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Mentioning food, as we know, is the best.
"His mind's eye saw them covered in chocolate for dessert." It seems the last heist becomes a cautionary tale. This may be a foreshadowing.
Comment Written 02-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Thank you Liz for reviewing and your fantastic comments.
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you gave us the home life background of the team members and how they are spending their personal time. I also see your food expertise coming through - just like your other books where you manage to make me feel hungry!
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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I like how you gave us the home life background of the team members and how they are spending their personal time. I also see your food expertise coming through - just like your other books where you manage to make me feel hungry!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much, Helene for reviewing and your fantastic comments. Greatly appreciated. Hugs n smiles!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Sounds good so far. I like the way the team do normal things, and don't overspend. They are family people, and the banks and jewellers are just their day jobs. LOL! Loving it! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Sounds good so far. I like the way the team do normal things, and don't overspend. They are family people, and the banks and jewellers are just their day jobs. LOL! Loving it! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Thanks Sandra, I am having fun creating this. It actually was a dream I had about 2 months ago, and no I have no idea where the dream came from lol, then I had to sort out the details and come up with something. I am glad you are enjoying it.
Comment from robyn corum
aryr,
To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure about this chapter. The angle of the lens is just too wide. It's really hard to get the reader interested in SO many people all at the same time. It's gets confusing and can almost give one a headache to introduce so many and follow them all together. I would really recommend that you follow one, maybe two and then only add snippets of the others from time to time, enough to let people kinda know what's going on with them - like when they come in the next day, they can be like 'what'd you do last night?' ', 'oh, I watched a movie and...blah, blah..' see what I mean?
Just my personal opinion, and I'm sure you'll have others. Good luck!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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aryr,
To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure about this chapter. The angle of the lens is just too wide. It's really hard to get the reader interested in SO many people all at the same time. It's gets confusing and can almost give one a headache to introduce so many and follow them all together. I would really recommend that you follow one, maybe two and then only add snippets of the others from time to time, enough to let people kinda know what's going on with them - like when they come in the next day, they can be like 'what'd you do last night?' ', 'oh, I watched a movie and...blah, blah..' see what I mean?
Just my personal opinion, and I'm sure you'll have others. Good luck!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Thanks Robyn for reading and reviewing and for your sound advise, I really appreciate this.
Comment from Pantygynt
characters in any story do not come properly alive until we get a glimpse of them in there everyday lives, removed from the machinations of the plot. So this chapter was a great idea. We see them "off duty" here. I am reminded of something the British playwright, Howard Brenton, once said to me, "Is a hero still a hero when he's having a shit?" You don't go quite that far here but effectively you are asking the same very valid question as the same thing applies to villains too.
A few niggle to draw your attention to:
"...then retirement for a life of crime." Don't you mean "from a life of crime"?
"...rather eat with Henry than go out." Line break needed at end of paragraph.
"His palete had..." where taste is concerned it is "palate".
"They had their own grapevine." Line break needed at end of paragraph.
I am right on your tail.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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characters in any story do not come properly alive until we get a glimpse of them in there everyday lives, removed from the machinations of the plot. So this chapter was a great idea. We see them "off duty" here. I am reminded of something the British playwright, Howard Brenton, once said to me, "Is a hero still a hero when he's having a shit?" You don't go quite that far here but effectively you are asking the same very valid question as the same thing applies to villains too.
A few niggle to draw your attention to:
"...then retirement for a life of crime." Don't you mean "from a life of crime"?
"...rather eat with Henry than go out." Line break needed at end of paragraph.
"His palete had..." where taste is concerned it is "palate".
"They had their own grapevine." Line break needed at end of paragraph.
I am right on your tail.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Okay I think I like Howard Brenton. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I do hope you realize that I learn more from your writings and reviewing than I do anyone else. You take the time to clarify which is excellent, Oh no I have a tail rider, nobody was supposed to know I have a tail LOL.
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;-))
Comment from Sixty70
I kept looking for how these details advanced the plot of the novel. I wonder if you tried to show what normal lives the bank robbers lived. If yes, you succeeded. You did "tell" more than "show" though, and I'd encourage you to create short scenes that let your characters live and breathe.
Some things to consider.
He had married when he was twenty-four and his wife Nina had swiftly insisted that they dined at home except when business required them to dine out. She also insisted that he learned how to cook." Both verbs 'dined' and 'learned' should be in the present tense. Your action verb 'insisted' is correctly past tense both times. So, Nina insisted that they dine at home ... and she insisted that he learn to cook.
'His palete had a decadent moment...' The word you need is palate.
'His minds' eye saw them...' Unless he has two minds, it should be mind's eye
'...when hit at the right time; which was just before the truck pick up it was indeed profitable.' You need a comma in front of which rather than the semi-colon, and another comma after up.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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I kept looking for how these details advanced the plot of the novel. I wonder if you tried to show what normal lives the bank robbers lived. If yes, you succeeded. You did "tell" more than "show" though, and I'd encourage you to create short scenes that let your characters live and breathe.
Some things to consider.
He had married when he was twenty-four and his wife Nina had swiftly insisted that they dined at home except when business required them to dine out. She also insisted that he learned how to cook." Both verbs 'dined' and 'learned' should be in the present tense. Your action verb 'insisted' is correctly past tense both times. So, Nina insisted that they dine at home ... and she insisted that he learn to cook.
'His palete had a decadent moment...' The word you need is palate.
'His minds' eye saw them...' Unless he has two minds, it should be mind's eye
'...when hit at the right time; which was just before the truck pick up it was indeed profitable.' You need a comma in front of which rather than the semi-colon, and another comma after up.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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At least I feel good that I am keeping you and one other reader busy. I am just teasing, I really do appreciate the suggestions and the corrections. I am so glad you take the time to do so, thank you.
