The Amazing Heist
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Plan"A team of six plan their final heist.
8 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This was good since a leader in every group emerges. They have to be believable and it appears Abby is. This little detail makes things believable: coats were grabbed from the coat rack by the door as everyone departed from Abby's apartment."
Then you state something to get the reader's attention: "It was large, it was quiet, it was secure." I like the description:
"he sometimes felt she was really an old woman in a young woman's body. Her mind was constantly working, constantly creating."
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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This was good since a leader in every group emerges. They have to be believable and it appears Abby is. This little detail makes things believable: coats were grabbed from the coat rack by the door as everyone departed from Abby's apartment."
Then you state something to get the reader's attention: "It was large, it was quiet, it was secure." I like the description:
"he sometimes felt she was really an old woman in a young woman's body. Her mind was constantly working, constantly creating."
Comment Written 02-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Wow, thank you so much, Liz for reviewing and your amazing comments.
Comment from lyenochka
Seems like Abby has a regular way to earn money and even promote other artists. She doesn't need to do the robberies. I like how the people seem to respect her and go along with her ideas. She must have succeeded before.
Suggestions:
its last pick up for the day. (pickup)
"Abby, you do realize that those trucks [are] tougher
we will all come out with six figure (figures)
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Seems like Abby has a regular way to earn money and even promote other artists. She doesn't need to do the robberies. I like how the people seem to respect her and go along with her ideas. She must have succeeded before.
Suggestions:
its last pick up for the day. (pickup)
"Abby, you do realize that those trucks [are] tougher
we will all come out with six figure (figures)
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
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Thank you so very much Helene for reviewing and your great comments. I think you will find that all of the others are truly capable of earning money, lol. Will fix those in a moment. Hugs n smiles!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I like the way this is going, Alie, it's different from other robbery stories. I like how they all accept a much younger woman as their leader. So, this looks to be a really tough robbery, it will be interesting to see how they pull it off. Well done on another good part. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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I like the way this is going, Alie, it's different from other robbery stories. I like how they all accept a much younger woman as their leader. So, this looks to be a really tough robbery, it will be interesting to see how they pull it off. Well done on another good part. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Awww once again thank you Sandra. If nothing else I have said I am different lol, it is becoming a fun challenge to me. I have my little notes all over the place, but then again I was like that with the other two books.
Comment from Pantygynt
Ah sounds like a good background for some highly illegal fun. The artist with a hobby of robbing banks. That beats starving in a garret. Now I can't wait for more.
There is a slight grammatical problem here.
"She let him rent a small area of her studio to work on his wire sculpture. He has a great deal of talent. Some of his works (are) were of his inspiration and other pieces (are) were specific orders he receive(s)d." Suddenly we have changed tenses from past to present. It only needs two words and one letter changing.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Ah sounds like a good background for some highly illegal fun. The artist with a hobby of robbing banks. That beats starving in a garret. Now I can't wait for more.
There is a slight grammatical problem here.
"She let him rent a small area of her studio to work on his wire sculpture. He has a great deal of talent. Some of his works (are) were of his inspiration and other pieces (are) were specific orders he receive(s)d." Suddenly we have changed tenses from past to present. It only needs two words and one letter changing.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Ahaaaa sounds like someone else has a wicked mind of crime LOL, Thanks for reading and I will correct that in a few minutes, thanks for pointing that out. I really appreciate it because I read and re read and still miss things.
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We all have that problem.
Comment from Mabaker
Ah, so like me I read the chapters in the wrong order. Now I have reread them and they make perfect sense. This is going to keep me riverted I can tell. I love a good heist, where money is the main object. Great chapter Alie, love U Anne.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Ah, so like me I read the chapters in the wrong order. Now I have reread them and they make perfect sense. This is going to keep me riverted I can tell. I love a good heist, where money is the main object. Great chapter Alie, love U Anne.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Ahaaa thanks Anne, Now don't we all love money lol, I can dream about what I would do if I won the lottery. But in the reality of life I will just be me and be happy. Besides money can't buy friends or rather true friends. Thanks for reading this I posted chapters 3 & 4 a few minutes ago. Take care, luv to u- Alie.
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In the shopping centre the other day I saw my dream. No not a man, a car. Oh Alie it was so beautiful, cherry-red and she sparkled. The wheels were the most amazing things and I so desired her. Ray was as speechless as I was. She had a high wide grill but I didn't catch her name. I know I'll never see her again, but that Alie, is where if, I ever did win enough in a lotto I'd buy her and build a special open-sided place so everyone could look but not touch. I've never seen prettier. I'll bet I couldn't even aford one spoke in her wheels, let alone any other part. Love U Anne (Wistfully.)
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Wow, Anne I don't think I have seen you so impressed since I met you. It indeed must have been a beauty, especially if it got Raymond's attention- how is he doing by the way? I think its important for us to have our dreams, that is what keeps us going. Luv U Alie
Comment from robyn corum
Alie,
Sounds like some big stuff is going to be happening in the future, huh? But that's going to take some major planning and major guts and glory. I'm in - let's see what happens! *smile*
1.) chairs (slid) silently back from the table.
Thnaks!
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Alie,
Sounds like some big stuff is going to be happening in the future, huh? But that's going to take some major planning and major guts and glory. I'm in - let's see what happens! *smile*
1.) chairs (slid) silently back from the table.
Thnaks!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thanks Robyn for reading and then for taking the time to review. I am hoping it will prove to be interesting reading. Gotcha for the correction.
Comment from c_lucas
Successful armor truck robberies were few and far apart. This has the makings of a very good story line. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Successful armor truck robberies were few and far apart. This has the makings of a very good story line. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thank you for reading and then taking the time to review. I appreciate your comments. I am hoping my plot will prove successful, at least in my mind (perhaps it has a future in crime- NOT) it will be.
Comment from Sixty70
I've always wanted to rob a bank. I'll never do it, of course, but I'm intrigued by its problem solving aspect. How to do it and get away with it? So, the excellent rating is for your premise. IMHO, a lot of people think, secretly, that they'd like to do what your little group is doing.
I'm a bit less taken with the idea of consensus as the way to go about this. Anyone leading this type of group will need a lot of alpha characteristics. At first, you have Abby emerge as leader, but then you back off a bit. She clearly is entrepreneurial, what with the studio and shop. It makes me wonder why she is willing to risk robbing an armored car.
For language, consider proofing for commas. For example, you write: "Instead of the small banks, the jewellery stores we are going big." You need a comma after 'stores'.
Your dialogue is generally good. I think it can be stronger. For example, you write:"You do realize that they have made those trucks tougher and more secure." Dialogue is exempt from the verb tense rules. In this case, consider using present tense to punch up the dialogue.
"Well the way I see it, we will all come out with six figure incomes." This may be a logical fallacy. Six figure incomes or just six figures? Robbing an armored car won't give them incomes.
"...the second floor or top floor of an old brick warehouse..." Which is it, second or top floor? If it's both, I'd pick one.
The third full paragraph (beginning, "She had hired...") from the bottom is all over the place with regard to verb tense. I think you use the past perfect appropriately in the first sentence, but you don't need it after that. And, unless you are going to have Andrew play a larger role in the novel, I'm not sure I'd give his talent quite that much space. Again, IMHO.
A Wiccan? I had some good friends in the Wiccan community back in Nebraska.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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I've always wanted to rob a bank. I'll never do it, of course, but I'm intrigued by its problem solving aspect. How to do it and get away with it? So, the excellent rating is for your premise. IMHO, a lot of people think, secretly, that they'd like to do what your little group is doing.
I'm a bit less taken with the idea of consensus as the way to go about this. Anyone leading this type of group will need a lot of alpha characteristics. At first, you have Abby emerge as leader, but then you back off a bit. She clearly is entrepreneurial, what with the studio and shop. It makes me wonder why she is willing to risk robbing an armored car.
For language, consider proofing for commas. For example, you write: "Instead of the small banks, the jewellery stores we are going big." You need a comma after 'stores'.
Your dialogue is generally good. I think it can be stronger. For example, you write:"You do realize that they have made those trucks tougher and more secure." Dialogue is exempt from the verb tense rules. In this case, consider using present tense to punch up the dialogue.
"Well the way I see it, we will all come out with six figure incomes." This may be a logical fallacy. Six figure incomes or just six figures? Robbing an armored car won't give them incomes.
"...the second floor or top floor of an old brick warehouse..." Which is it, second or top floor? If it's both, I'd pick one.
The third full paragraph (beginning, "She had hired...") from the bottom is all over the place with regard to verb tense. I think you use the past perfect appropriately in the first sentence, but you don't need it after that. And, unless you are going to have Andrew play a larger role in the novel, I'm not sure I'd give his talent quite that much space. Again, IMHO.
A Wiccan? I had some good friends in the Wiccan community back in Nebraska.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thank you for reading and then taking the time to review. I appreciate your constructive comments and suggestions and will definitely work on them.
