The Amazing Heist
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Amazing Heist"A team of six plan their final heist.
8 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You draw the reader in, immediately, wondering what the meeting was about. You have done an excellent job of developing your characters. Since you never answered the readers' question, they will be back, as will I.
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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You draw the reader in, immediately, wondering what the meeting was about. You have done an excellent job of developing your characters. Since you never answered the readers' question, they will be back, as will I.
Comment Written 02-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Liz for reading, reviewing and you great comments.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, what an intriguing team! I liked that you honed right in on Henry so that we know where he stands with being told what to do by a very young female boss. The other characters are well described.
that was phenominal for a man his size (phenomenal)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Oh, what an intriguing team! I liked that you honed right in on Henry so that we know where he stands with being told what to do by a very young female boss. The other characters are well described.
that was phenominal for a man his size (phenomenal)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much Helene for reviewing and your great comments. Will fix that in a moment. Hugs n smiles!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I've made a start, Alie, now I've met the cast, and they
seem to be quite a friendly group, I will go on and find
out what it is they all do!
Well done, my friend. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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I've made a start, Alie, now I've met the cast, and they
seem to be quite a friendly group, I will go on and find
out what it is they all do!
Well done, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Thank you Sandra, your comments are very dear to me. I do so hope you enjoy it. I have up to and including chapter 6 posted.
Comment from Mabaker
This sounds like the start to a great read Alie. Good descriptions that set the tone nicely, I would know them all if I met them in a diner. I'm glad I found this story, I couldn't for a start, looking in the wrong place, Love U Anne.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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This sounds like the start to a great read Alie. Good descriptions that set the tone nicely, I would know them all if I met them in a diner. I'm glad I found this story, I couldn't for a start, looking in the wrong place, Love U Anne.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Aww thanks so much Anne, guess I have decided to enter the world of crime LOL, trust me I would never ever have the nerve to try anything I have read or what my creative mind is thinking. I have posted chapters 3 & 4 just now. Two more tomorrow, since they only let me do two a day. Hugs to you for reading, Catch you later-luv u Alie.
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Hey, not fair FS only allows me to post one-a-day.
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Really, I did not know that, anyway they let me get away with two but mine are no where close to being as long as yours, perhaps that makes a difference. Anyway I still enjoy what you post, luv u -Alie
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a sound introductory chapter in which we meet the protagonists in this story for the first time. We know now their names, ages, gender, and have a brief physical description so we have a picture of them in our minds for later. They have all come together for a meeting but as yet we don't know why. Maybe next time.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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This is a sound introductory chapter in which we meet the protagonists in this story for the first time. We know now their names, ages, gender, and have a brief physical description so we have a picture of them in our minds for later. They have all come together for a meeting but as yet we don't know why. Maybe next time.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I am glad that you enjoyed this, so far I have managed to post four chapters and have two more ready to go. I do think I am on a roll at least in writing but not in crime LOL. Again thanks.
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I am working hard to catch you up. Lol.
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LOL that may never happen.
Comment from robyn corum
Alie,
Looks like I read these chapters out of order. No matter, I think I still got the gist. *smile* But NOW I know the characters~! HAHAHA!
A couple of notes for you:
1.) Perhaps it was a deep (seated) trait in the pool
2.) when needed move like grease(d) lightning.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Alie,
Looks like I read these chapters out of order. No matter, I think I still got the gist. *smile* But NOW I know the characters~! HAHAHA!
A couple of notes for you:
1.) Perhaps it was a deep (seated) trait in the pool
2.) when needed move like grease(d) lightning.
Thanks!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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LOL Robyn, I do recall saying I am unique on the quiz, are you sure you are not trying for the spot :) Thanks for reading and reviewing and I will get the changes when I finish here.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You might want to look at your background section as it could flow a little better. It actually reads that they had committed the greatest heist and were retiring, but this isn't the case. Also the last word should be pluralised.
The team of six have been a team for a couple of years / the fact that until now he had never ever worked with a woman. Now he was teamed up with two of them - this would appear to be contradictory unless the heist is going to take them two years to plan and execute, in which case the timeframes are all off.
when needed move like grease lightening - lightning.
There were no notes to be kept, no logs of any sort, / Annabelle, whom everyone called Abby was the only one who documented anything. Her sense of anything was in a short hand technique that only she understood and could decipher - again this is contradictory. you as a writer know what you mean in your head but it must be conveyed on paper. Even if she keeps notes in code they're still notes.
This chapter is pure exposition. there isn't a lot in the way of hooking a read in from the outset which is so important these days.
You spend a lot of time physically describing the participants which is very direct and gives a good character sketch of each for the reader, but there is little more in this opening chapter than that.
Hope some of this is helpful.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Hi there,
You might want to look at your background section as it could flow a little better. It actually reads that they had committed the greatest heist and were retiring, but this isn't the case. Also the last word should be pluralised.
The team of six have been a team for a couple of years / the fact that until now he had never ever worked with a woman. Now he was teamed up with two of them - this would appear to be contradictory unless the heist is going to take them two years to plan and execute, in which case the timeframes are all off.
when needed move like grease lightening - lightning.
There were no notes to be kept, no logs of any sort, / Annabelle, whom everyone called Abby was the only one who documented anything. Her sense of anything was in a short hand technique that only she understood and could decipher - again this is contradictory. you as a writer know what you mean in your head but it must be conveyed on paper. Even if she keeps notes in code they're still notes.
This chapter is pure exposition. there isn't a lot in the way of hooking a read in from the outset which is so important these days.
You spend a lot of time physically describing the participants which is very direct and gives a good character sketch of each for the reader, but there is little more in this opening chapter than that.
Hope some of this is helpful.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 31-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thanks ever so much for reading and then taking the time to do such a detailed review. I will certainly try to fix some of my errors. I always appreciate your constructive comments.
Comment from BeasPeas
Your writing is clear and interesting. In this chapter you have given background for the characters involved. Chapter length is good, not too long or short. Marilyn
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Your writing is clear and interesting. In this chapter you have given background for the characters involved. Chapter length is good, not too long or short. Marilyn
Comment Written 31-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Wow that was fast, I really appreciate your kind comments and thoughts. I truly was not expecting a review this fast; but I am so glad it was you. I have actually posted the first two chapters today and will probably do so for the next couple of days while my mind is in the super creative mode LOL, and if you believe that one about being super creaive, then I have a bridge in the Sahara up for sale LOL Thanks ever so much Marilyn
