Once upon the heart..
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "If only I could..."Love poems
22 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
Well they do say that love makes the world go round; all those who don't believe it is money rthat does that. You hve an intriguing rhyme scheme here, aabccb. it is not one I recall seeing before. Is it of your own devising?
Whatever it is very effective and makes a refreshing change from couplets and alternate. Good imagery as well.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Well they do say that love makes the world go round; all those who don't believe it is money rthat does that. You hve an intriguing rhyme scheme here, aabccb. it is not one I recall seeing before. Is it of your own devising?
Whatever it is very effective and makes a refreshing change from couplets and alternate. Good imagery as well.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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I can't take the credit...Richard Jenkins came up with the form. 5/8 aabccb No Iambics ( or can be written without)...Thanks for reading and the wonderful review!!! Its a LOVELY review!!! :-))))))))
Comment from Richard J
A dozen stars, "If only I could"! ; )
Susan, this is your best (so far) in every way a poem of romance, soft, wispy desire and yearning imagery can express ... it engages heart, mind, and emotion ~ fully.
Grammatically, syntactically, and poetically perfection in rhyme, rhythm, flow, meter, and count, this Fives 'n Eights form is rendered in pure poetic bliss ... and, the illustration choice and presentation are delicious eye-candy!
One thing about your romantic poetry I always enjoy (in a most abiding way) is how they make me wish they were written to me, as I'm sure many others do ... wink*
Thank you most warmly and dearly, Our Fine Lady-Poet! ~ Richard
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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A dozen stars, "If only I could"! ; )
Susan, this is your best (so far) in every way a poem of romance, soft, wispy desire and yearning imagery can express ... it engages heart, mind, and emotion ~ fully.
Grammatically, syntactically, and poetically perfection in rhyme, rhythm, flow, meter, and count, this Fives 'n Eights form is rendered in pure poetic bliss ... and, the illustration choice and presentation are delicious eye-candy!
One thing about your romantic poetry I always enjoy (in a most abiding way) is how they make me wish they were written to me, as I'm sure many others do ... wink*
Thank you most warmly and dearly, Our Fine Lady-Poet! ~ Richard
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Hi Richard! thank you so much! :-) best so far...this one?... :-) thanks again.
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Susan, I truly enjoy this newest poem of yours. First the choice of artwork has a profound effect on the words you've composed. The thought provoking final stanza is filled with the most poignant and wonderfully caring thoughts. My thoughts about this poem goes beyond exceptional to the realm of outstanding. To be the lover in this poem, I feel would be a great honor to have a woman to care that much for and about him. This may be one of your absolute best and truly meaningful. Very well done Susan,,,,,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Susan, I truly enjoy this newest poem of yours. First the choice of artwork has a profound effect on the words you've composed. The thought provoking final stanza is filled with the most poignant and wonderfully caring thoughts. My thoughts about this poem goes beyond exceptional to the realm of outstanding. To be the lover in this poem, I feel would be a great honor to have a woman to care that much for and about him. This may be one of your absolute best and truly meaningful. Very well done Susan,,,,,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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hey jimmy!...thank you so much!!!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very sweet love poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with the art work. I enjoy reading and reviewing very much! blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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This is a very sweet love poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with the art work. I enjoy reading and reviewing very much! blessings, Teri
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Thank you Teri!!
Comment from robyn corum
SusanJohn,
I like the feeling that this is a poem between lovers that have been together a while. *smile* Usually, you read this sort of thing between new lovers, and I want to gag - thinking, yeah right, see how you feel in twenty years. But THIS is sweet, when it's got some age on it. Nice!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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SusanJohn,
I like the feeling that this is a poem between lovers that have been together a while. *smile* Usually, you read this sort of thing between new lovers, and I want to gag - thinking, yeah right, see how you feel in twenty years. But THIS is sweet, when it's got some age on it. Nice!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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:-) Thanks robyn!!! love the review!!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ugh...and a lengthy love poem at that (no offense, just givin' you a hard time, lol).
Oh well...here goes nothin'.
Some good examples of alliteration is used here. One that came immediately to mind are, "sun's soft',
Some beautiful emotion is captured here and in turn catapulted at the reader by use of strong, emotive and eloquent wording, metaphorical phraseology, coupled with a lovely and alluring presentation.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Ugh...and a lengthy love poem at that (no offense, just givin' you a hard time, lol).
Oh well...here goes nothin'.
Some good examples of alliteration is used here. One that came immediately to mind are, "sun's soft',
Some beautiful emotion is captured here and in turn catapulted at the reader by use of strong, emotive and eloquent wording, metaphorical phraseology, coupled with a lovely and alluring presentation.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Oh come now Dean! it's just another lovey dovey mushy whooshy love poem! I am positive, buried somewhere deep down inside of you ( chained, in a dark, dismal dungeon) is a true romantic...but don't you worry, i'll keep your secret! :-) Have a splendid day dear friend.
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No, I'm afraid not, Susan. After two wives and two failed marriages, that's all the romance I want or care to have outta life.
I'll stick to dogs. They're always loyal and their love comes without conditions.
I really did enjoy your poem however. :)
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Hugs Deano, I understand more then you know... my writings are all but a dream.
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Yes, I know.
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sigh... :-) I love my little dog too
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:-) you silly.
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So I've been told, more times than I care to mention today, LOL.
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It's ok Deano..it's what makes you so charming. :-)
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Charming as a troll, right, LOL. :)
Comment from dragonpoet
These words tell of love from both sides. This person is thankful for the love received and wants to give the loved one everything that is dreamed for.
The poem flows well with its aabccb rhyme scheme. Though the second stanza is aabaab.
Keep writing
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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These words tell of love from both sides. This person is thankful for the love received and wants to give the loved one everything that is dreamed for.
The poem flows well with its aabccb rhyme scheme. Though the second stanza is aabaab.
Keep writing
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Thank you for this sweet review!!!
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You're welcome.
dp
Comment from WalkerMan
So beautiful and sincere is this loving expression of frustration that life's obligations and entanglements (on one or both sides) prevent fulfillment of dreams about a beloved one far beyond reach, perhaps forever. This poem would mist the eyes of any man (no matter how strong) on the receiving end of such a message, for it would only make him love the heart behind it even more. Superbly written with flawless a a b c c b rhyme scheme, wondrous wording (especially the first three lines), and perfect illustration; and the emotions evoked clinch the Six for this one.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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So beautiful and sincere is this loving expression of frustration that life's obligations and entanglements (on one or both sides) prevent fulfillment of dreams about a beloved one far beyond reach, perhaps forever. This poem would mist the eyes of any man (no matter how strong) on the receiving end of such a message, for it would only make him love the heart behind it even more. Superbly written with flawless a a b c c b rhyme scheme, wondrous wording (especially the first three lines), and perfect illustration; and the emotions evoked clinch the Six for this one.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Mike...ya can't write reviews that bring me to tears ( happy)... :-) another wonderful and generous review!! hugs
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You are welcome, Susan. Many songs and poems have been written over the ages expressing frustration over love that could not (for whatever reason) follow its natural course, and yours (in my opinion) is better than most. That certainly merits both the praise and the Six I gave it. -- Mike
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dang you got it again!!!
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Only because my heart and brain are more closely linked than may be so for others who did not have the kind of parents I was fortunate to have had. YOUR influence on your children will do the same for them.
Comment from Mastery
Absolutely brilliant writng, Susan. I love it from start to finish. Especially this stanza:
"Majestic rainbow,
captured gold; below,
each morn' a marvelous surprise ...
taking hand in flight
through darkest of night ...
then, wishing on stars till sunrise."
Bravo, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Absolutely brilliant writng, Susan. I love it from start to finish. Especially this stanza:
"Majestic rainbow,
captured gold; below,
each morn' a marvelous surprise ...
taking hand in flight
through darkest of night ...
then, wishing on stars till sunrise."
Bravo, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Hi Bob, thank you so much for this sweet review and the 6 shiny stars!!! I'm smiling!! hope all is well :-)
Comment from Irish Rain
What a beautiful love poem. I started one the other day, I wanted it to be like this. It turned into death, and grief, and wound up being on the dark side...I was going for fluffy and frothy. I'll trade you, ha ha...love this!!! Blessings...
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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What a beautiful love poem. I started one the other day, I wanted it to be like this. It turned into death, and grief, and wound up being on the dark side...I was going for fluffy and frothy. I'll trade you, ha ha...love this!!! Blessings...
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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It turned to DEATH!!! omg what did you do!!!...LOL send it to Dean...he'll love it!!!... Thanks for the awesome review!!!
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I don't know WHAT happened..it's for the Valentine contest....she was missing her love...then she's contemplating suicide...damn...crazy girl ain't getting no chocolates if she's dead!!!
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See??? this is what a man will do to ya!!! ... drive you crazy!!!! ahhhhh there's your poem!!!!!! "That crazy kinda love"!!!!!!
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Ha ha. I'm hoping it's not ready. I'll put a poem away, and come back to it, and tweak here and there. This one though just keeps getting darker. I'm not even sure it's a love poem anymore...more like...a suicide note at this point. Reading too much Stephen King, ha ha...
