Short
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Donny's Door"Shorter stories
18 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, well something happened in that cellar that killed the boy. At least he had he grandparents, and some apple pie! If we have to go early, best be with someone we love. This was a really good story, Bill, I loved it. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Aww, well something happened in that cellar that killed the boy. At least he had he grandparents, and some apple pie! If we have to go early, best be with someone we love. This was a really good story, Bill, I loved it. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Sandra.
Comment from Poetic Friend
Aww, Bill, this is sad, but warming. It is a story that gently speaks of nostalgia memories of your grandmother. Reading about those apple pies makes me want a slice.
I think you need a comma in the below sentence:
Down inside[,] I found a bare bulb and chain hanging just beyond where the sunlight shone in
Thank you for sharing this story. Have a great weekend.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2018
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Aww, Bill, this is sad, but warming. It is a story that gently speaks of nostalgia memories of your grandmother. Reading about those apple pies makes me want a slice.
I think you need a comma in the below sentence:
Down inside[,] I found a bare bulb and chain hanging just beyond where the sunlight shone in
Thank you for sharing this story. Have a great weekend.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2018
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Thankd, PF
Comment from MelB
The trap door and secret tunnel were an exciting element to this story. I felt more lost as the story went long. After processing through, I guess I'm taking this as the grandparents and the kid were dead and reunited, along with the dog. The parents sold the house and moved on.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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The trap door and secret tunnel were an exciting element to this story. I felt more lost as the story went long. After processing through, I guess I'm taking this as the grandparents and the kid were dead and reunited, along with the dog. The parents sold the house and moved on.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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Thank you, MelB, for giving this a look. It may need a follow on story to bring it together.
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That would be great:)
Comment from Mabaker
Well that was strange. I'm not sure if everyone else went back a few years and he stayed the same age or what. It was well put together and strange as it was I enjoyed it. Regards Mabaker.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Well that was strange. I'm not sure if everyone else went back a few years and he stayed the same age or what. It was well put together and strange as it was I enjoyed it. Regards Mabaker.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Thanks Ma, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Bill,
I enjoyed this very well written piece. I love that it has no explanation which allows the reader a lot of latitude but the tale is pretty much all there at the same time.
very nicely done
G
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Hi Bill,
I enjoyed this very well written piece. I love that it has no explanation which allows the reader a lot of latitude but the tale is pretty much all there at the same time.
very nicely done
G
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Thank you, GM, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from frogbook
Well now, that's just a beginning. Next chapter will be when? Begs for a follow-up. I was engaged and surprised by the ending. Great picture that begs for a story.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Well now, that's just a beginning. Next chapter will be when? Begs for a follow-up. I was engaged and surprised by the ending. Great picture that begs for a story.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Thank you, FB, for the positive review. Bill
Comment from heisemg
Interesting and scary. Reminded me when my brother and I were kids wondering around my grandparents old farm. We were not as inquisitive as your character because my Grandmother was excellent at telling ghost stories and had us believing everything was haunted from the well to the chicken house. This was a well written piece which kept me reading and scary as hell. Will there be a Part 2 so we find out what happens?
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Interesting and scary. Reminded me when my brother and I were kids wondering around my grandparents old farm. We were not as inquisitive as your character because my Grandmother was excellent at telling ghost stories and had us believing everything was haunted from the well to the chicken house. This was a well written piece which kept me reading and scary as hell. Will there be a Part 2 so we find out what happens?
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thank you for giving this a look. I am going to write an adjoining story, but may have to link them as I don't know that it would be a typical NEXT chapter.
Comment from robina1978
A lovely photo of an old door that complements your short story perfectly. Without the boys knowing their usual visit their great aunt. They work as brothers, then Donny goes to look at the cellar. He heard his name being called out, which scared the shit out of him. Outside he sees that the property is for sale.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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A lovely photo of an old door that complements your short story perfectly. Without the boys knowing their usual visit their great aunt. They work as brothers, then Donny goes to look at the cellar. He heard his name being called out, which scared the shit out of him. Outside he sees that the property is for sale.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Ine, for looking at this. Bill
Comment from MsPetra
What A nice story. I wish it could happen to me. I miss my grandma every minute of every day.
I see that you maintained a good balance of narration, exposition and dialogue. Well done on that regard. Overall you did a great job.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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What A nice story. I wish it could happen to me. I miss my grandma every minute of every day.
I see that you maintained a good balance of narration, exposition and dialogue. Well done on that regard. Overall you did a great job.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you, MsPetra, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
WOW! This is very well done and I actually had to go back and really pay closer attention to that door as your transition was just that seamless. I guess we were never meant to know exactly who called Donny, but it must have been an angelic voice since he was so happily reunited with lost loved ones. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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WOW! This is very well done and I actually had to go back and really pay closer attention to that door as your transition was just that seamless. I guess we were never meant to know exactly who called Donny, but it must have been an angelic voice since he was so happily reunited with lost loved ones. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you, MA, for the nice review. I'm considering a tag on story. Bill
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I think you should ... I will be first in line to read it.