Sarah's walk home
a short story4 total reviews
Comment from writerwish
Awful but true. Children do learn from examples. It's not what we say ,but what we do. Nice story to show how true this is.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
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Awful but true. Children do learn from examples. It's not what we say ,but what we do. Nice story to show how true this is.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
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Like a sponge. Imagine if she had seen the mother hug her kid, the boy cherish the puppy, the crazy lady talking with her beau and the young boys pushing a laughing girl on the swings, She probably would have gone home and danced with her doll. sigh Thanks for the review. Cheers, j
Comment from RazorFace
Nice job of all the subtle negatives that children pick up. A connection between the boy being spanked and the dog being taught to listen too. The boyfriends clothes being thrown out and the doll being thrown across the room. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
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Nice job of all the subtle negatives that children pick up. A connection between the boy being spanked and the dog being taught to listen too. The boyfriends clothes being thrown out and the doll being thrown across the room. Nicely done.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
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Thanks for the insightful review. Kids absorb everything, believe me. I guess I could do it in reverse...the mother hugging the boy, dog being cherished , crazy lady hugging boyfriend and boys pushing laughing girl on the swing, then she would go home and dance around with her dolls, hmmmm cheers, j
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I like the way you think
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I like the way you think
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Cheers, j
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I guess this fits the competition criteria, although it is a little light on story, although the situations are well observed.
"You..come ...when.. I... call... you !' - the opening and closing marks should be the same form here.
as her new boyfriend fumed in the driveway. ' - delete the mark after the full stop here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
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Hi there,
I guess this fits the competition criteria, although it is a little light on story, although the situations are well observed.
"You..come ...when.. I... call... you !' - the opening and closing marks should be the same form here.
as her new boyfriend fumed in the driveway. ' - delete the mark after the full stop here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
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Thanks for the review, I was trying to focus on showing, not telling. Hard to develop a deep story with only 150 words ha ha. I appreciate your thoughts on this one, cheers, j
Comment from RodG
Oh, this has such a subtle power. We follow Sarah on her walk home, witness what she does. As adult readers, WE understand, but don't realize how impressionable a child is until the end of the story when we witness Sarah's behavior In her room. It's even more ironic when we stop to realize she NEVER had a reaction to anything AT THE TIME, only afterwards. Well done, writer!
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
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Oh, this has such a subtle power. We follow Sarah on her walk home, witness what she does. As adult readers, WE understand, but don't realize how impressionable a child is until the end of the story when we witness Sarah's behavior In her room. It's even more ironic when we stop to realize she NEVER had a reaction to anything AT THE TIME, only afterwards. Well done, writer!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
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Good point, I think they store it up..Imagine if the mother had been hugging her boy, the kid patted the dog, crazy woman laughed with her boyfriend and the boys pushed the girl on the swing. Then Sarah goes home and hugs her doll. Funny how it is. Thanks for the insightful review Rod. Cheers, j
