The Journey
Prose Potlatch Challenge--Animal Story21 total reviews
Comment from Rubylou
Wow! This piece is fabulous. It grabbed me from the title thinking about the journey of Garamond.
You make so many points about the foolishness and self-destruction of man. The truth of the words have a lasting, stinging effect.
The picture you paint in the ending is vivid and leaves me feeling haunted.
Rubylou
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Wow! This piece is fabulous. It grabbed me from the title thinking about the journey of Garamond.
You make so many points about the foolishness and self-destruction of man. The truth of the words have a lasting, stinging effect.
The picture you paint in the ending is vivid and leaves me feeling haunted.
Rubylou
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Mikey,
oh, my, what a sad story, and all you write seems to be exactly what we are heading for. We were supposed to be the intelligent species and yet all we have managed to do is destroy what was entrusted to us. I do believe that we humans will one day return but I do not think we will be the ones to hold the reigns.
A really great read.
Brenda:))x
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Hi Mikey,
oh, my, what a sad story, and all you write seems to be exactly what we are heading for. We were supposed to be the intelligent species and yet all we have managed to do is destroy what was entrusted to us. I do believe that we humans will one day return but I do not think we will be the ones to hold the reigns.
A really great read.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Michael, this was a stunning read. I read it on Sunday, but then wanted to come back to it when I wasn't so rushed to give a proper review. It was a more powerful read the second time around. This should be published in several magazines and newspapers across the globe.
self-aggrandizement. - love this new word (to me)
What they left behind continued to operate and be spoil the planet. -> spoil the planet? omit the be
He'd kicked a wire that caused a human weapon to fire. The owner, of course, was long dead, but the weapon remained. Man's legacy continuing to speak from beyond the grave."- so powerful a sentence.
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Michael, this was a stunning read. I read it on Sunday, but then wanted to come back to it when I wasn't so rushed to give a proper review. It was a more powerful read the second time around. This should be published in several magazines and newspapers across the globe.
self-aggrandizement. - love this new word (to me)
What they left behind continued to operate and be spoil the planet. -> spoil the planet? omit the be
He'd kicked a wire that caused a human weapon to fire. The owner, of course, was long dead, but the weapon remained. Man's legacy continuing to speak from beyond the grave."- so powerful a sentence.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
Comment from frierajac
It looks fine so far. It would have to have a more extensive plot. Or even a plot within a plot. Something like this with animal characters who are in a play
with a conversation about some kind of historical occurrence with it being
modulated by a narrator in a frame plot that comments on the animal plot.
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It looks fine so far. It would have to have a more extensive plot. Or even a plot within a plot. Something like this with animal characters who are in a play
with a conversation about some kind of historical occurrence with it being
modulated by a narrator in a frame plot that comments on the animal plot.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Humans do not at all take care of the Earth we have been entrusted to take care of. I enjoyed reading your post and it makes an important statement on society.
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Humans do not at all take care of the Earth we have been entrusted to take care of. I enjoyed reading your post and it makes an important statement on society.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I do believe, in my humble opinion, this is definitely one of those stories that should be expanded on. If animals can and do think things out to any degree they wouldn't have to be very smart to understand the shortcoming of humans and how they may destroy themselves from within with bad choices and greed. Great job. :-)
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Well, I do believe, in my humble opinion, this is definitely one of those stories that should be expanded on. If animals can and do think things out to any degree they wouldn't have to be very smart to understand the shortcoming of humans and how they may destroy themselves from within with bad choices and greed. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from country ranch writer
poor dear is all alone to whither away in what is called earth how could man be so greedy to leave nothing in its wake. He mother now dead and no security for him left
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poor dear is all alone to whither away in what is called earth how could man be so greedy to leave nothing in its wake. He mother now dead and no security for him left
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from ciliverde
I know I'm not supposed to give sixes for Potlatch pieces, but this speaks so eloquently to the horrific damage humans are doing to the planet, with no care for their children or grandchildren. Capitalism will destroy the planet.
This section copies below is horribly, tragically perfect - you have written the future of our planet right here.
"Mankind proved to be the most foolish of creatures. It sought what it already had. It consumed without purpose. It killed for killing's sake. It killed creatures at random, some to eat or clothe themselves with, but some for their own self-aggrandizement. No other life form acted in such a manner.
The larger their population, the more foolish they became. As the world crumbled around them and their very existence came into question, eyes and minds closed.
They sat there and watched each other perish while the more impatient sped the process along."
I'd rather have Fidel Castro for president than Trump any day. He's one of the impatient ones, selfish, narcissistic, and blind to the future.
Carol
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I know I'm not supposed to give sixes for Potlatch pieces, but this speaks so eloquently to the horrific damage humans are doing to the planet, with no care for their children or grandchildren. Capitalism will destroy the planet.
This section copies below is horribly, tragically perfect - you have written the future of our planet right here.
"Mankind proved to be the most foolish of creatures. It sought what it already had. It consumed without purpose. It killed for killing's sake. It killed creatures at random, some to eat or clothe themselves with, but some for their own self-aggrandizement. No other life form acted in such a manner.
The larger their population, the more foolish they became. As the world crumbled around them and their very existence came into question, eyes and minds closed.
They sat there and watched each other perish while the more impatient sped the process along."
I'd rather have Fidel Castro for president than Trump any day. He's one of the impatient ones, selfish, narcissistic, and blind to the future.
Carol
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This would make a lovely long story, and quite honestly, it could easily be a foretaste of things to come, we are certainly heading that way. So sad, we have the most beautiful planet and don't deserve it. That lonely giraffe must wander the world looking for another living creature. What a great story you have started here, I'd really like to read a longer version. :) Sandra xx
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This would make a lovely long story, and quite honestly, it could easily be a foretaste of things to come, we are certainly heading that way. So sad, we have the most beautiful planet and don't deserve it. That lonely giraffe must wander the world looking for another living creature. What a great story you have started here, I'd really like to read a longer version. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from Dustybones
Good story of a animals POV on the all the changes that are continuously taking place. Usually bad ones. When Is the last time you've heard any good news? Boyd
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Good story of a animals POV on the all the changes that are continuously taking place. Usually bad ones. When Is the last time you've heard any good news? Boyd
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016