Nature's musical
A Sedoka4 total reviews
Comment from angel123
Good alliteration of words throughout your poem and I like your message. Your artwork choice goes well with your thoughts and I enjoyed reading it. Happy Holidays and good luck in the contest.
angel 123
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
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Good alliteration of words throughout your poem and I like your message. Your artwork choice goes well with your thoughts and I enjoyed reading it. Happy Holidays and good luck in the contest.
angel 123
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
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Hi angel123, i appreciate your visit and thank you for your encouraging review; happy holidays!
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your selection of the Sedoka form and your addition of alliteration to intensify the message. I particular admired your "musical" metaphor and the image of the poet. Best wishes in the contest- Joan
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
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I enjoyed your selection of the Sedoka form and your addition of alliteration to intensify the message. I particular admired your "musical" metaphor and the image of the poet. Best wishes in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 11-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
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Joan my friend, thank you very much for the encouraging comments; glad you like the verse. Happy Holidays!
Comment from rama devi
I love this. It sounds like what it describes--and what a great theme. Sounds great read aloud, too. Fine imagery, tone and pacing.
Love the alliteration of W and consonance of V, C, K, Q and L sounds in first stanza as w3ell as the assonance of I.
In second stanza, love the C, M, and P sounds. Great meaning too.
My only suggestion is to not use caps on all lines, since enjambment is prevalent. Example edit:
Waiving waves wither
colliding with river bank-
tranquility's musical
Cycle continues-
mesmerized by a full moon
poet's pen pounding verses
Great theme and parallel in the closing note.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016
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I love this. It sounds like what it describes--and what a great theme. Sounds great read aloud, too. Fine imagery, tone and pacing.
Love the alliteration of W and consonance of V, C, K, Q and L sounds in first stanza as w3ell as the assonance of I.
In second stanza, love the C, M, and P sounds. Great meaning too.
My only suggestion is to not use caps on all lines, since enjambment is prevalent. Example edit:
Waiving waves wither
colliding with river bank-
tranquility's musical
Cycle continues-
mesmerized by a full moon
poet's pen pounding verses
Great theme and parallel in the closing note.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 11-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016
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Deviji namaskar, always an honor to read your encouraging reviews, helps me a lot. The excellent suggested changes are made and I thank you for that. Happy Sunday!
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Thank you, dear. Namaskar! Happy day to you too. Hugs, rd
Comment from kiyah_456
It was alright. It was dull, it really didn't talk about nature itself. Nor did it talk as much about the music of nature like the majestic melody of the ocean and the waves. How it says ''Mesmerized by a fool moon'', that specifically doesn't theoretically talk about natures musical as so much as talking about being mesmerized or caught off guard by the moon.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016
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It was alright. It was dull, it really didn't talk about nature itself. Nor did it talk as much about the music of nature like the majestic melody of the ocean and the waves. How it says ''Mesmerized by a fool moon'', that specifically doesn't theoretically talk about natures musical as so much as talking about being mesmerized or caught off guard by the moon.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016
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Thank you kiyah 456.