Comment from rama devi

Excellent

I enjoyed this contemplative write. It has a great theme and portrays it well with fine flow and inventive rhyming.I particularly applaud the rhyme pair of isolation and damnation as well as the slant rhyme of spawn and borne with dawn and morn. however, the last line has a forced rhyme because of the grammar.


Darkness hides the light and masks truth's silent way,
but mercy greets the dawn, on beams of brightness lay.


I love the closing lines but when i got to the word lay, I sort of 'cringed' as a reader. Maybe try an assonant slant rhyme pair:


Darkness hides the light and masks truth's silent way,
but mercy greets the dawn, on beams of brightness lain.

Very fine presentation.


Yes, I've experienced the immensity of intense solitude. Nice theme.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much RD, for the great review and comments,

reply by rama devi on 12-Dec-2016

:-)))

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

Nice write Roy as always. Yep I know your style so well i knew it was you by the end of the first verse! good luck in the competition mate

dip

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Dip, for the great review and comments,

Comment from RoostyNester

Excellent

A very nice two stanza poem about God's compassion. I believe that we have all had those moments in our lives. But God never leaves us, he always helps us through our toughest times. Very well done.

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much for the great review and comments,

Comment from kathleenspalding

Excellent

Very nice poem with a wonderful message. Also very interesting author's note and thanks for the bible verse, too. I don't see anything that needs to be corrected. Great job!

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Kathleen, for the great review and comments,

reply by kathleenspalding on 12-Dec-2016

You're welcome

Comment from Bill O'Bier

Excellent

Your poem brings Psalm 30:5 to mind as well:
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning....
Thanks for writing a wonderful piece.
Wishing you the best...
Bill~

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Bill, for the great review and comments,

Comment from rjuselius

Excellent

wow, this is an exceptional piece of poetry dear anonymous! the wording is exquisite and the imagery is breathtaking! you have made it all about your poem in this loyal piece concerning the dark/light dualism.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
virtual six..
blessings!
Rebekka x

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Rebekka, for the great review and comments,

Comment from Heidi M

Excellent

Complete isolation would be a fearful thing were it not for hope in the Lord.
My favorite lines in your poem:
Darkness hides the light, but mercy greets the dawn.
'New mercies I see every morning...great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.'

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Heidi, for the great review and comments,

Comment from Bucketlist

Excellent

I agree,it's horrid. It's like like buried and waking up in the coffin. This is brain's trick on us. But then creativity kicks in , as well as the time to be grateful. It's another chance to live.

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much for the great review and comments,

reply by Bucketlist on 12-Dec-2016

You're always welcome 😊

Comment from Irish Rain

Excellent

How beautiful. Yes, when we are in darkness, having lost sight of the light, we do feel alone. Yet, the Light always shines, if we seek it. Lovely, blessings...

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Judy, for the great review and comments,

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

A very well done and deeply meaningful two-stanza poem, my friend. Love the ending being so positive. Best wishes in the contest~Debbie

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Debbie, for the great review and comments,