Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Meet the Screenwriter"All chapters
4 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
snappy dialogue, Marv.
humor, too.
An intriguing RomCom, though I haven't as yet read all the other chapters.
What will chapter 44 bring?
Baited breath.
pome lover
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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snappy dialogue, Marv.
humor, too.
An intriguing RomCom, though I haven't as yet read all the other chapters.
What will chapter 44 bring?
Baited breath.
pome lover
Comment Written 04-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you, PL, for reviewing this chapter. I appreciate the compliments very much.
Chapter 44 brings lunch.
Thanks again.
Comment from BeasPeas
True Marv style with rat-a-tat dialogue throughout this chapter.
Each line contains banter back and forth about setting an appointment which is set for the following Monday. I would like to see less banter and more progression of the story. Marilyn
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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True Marv style with rat-a-tat dialogue throughout this chapter.
Each line contains banter back and forth about setting an appointment which is set for the following Monday. I would like to see less banter and more progression of the story. Marilyn
Comment Written 08-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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Marilyn
You have this knack for complimenting and scolding, all in the same breath.
I need them both. Thanks.
I hope to be able to please you and myself very soon.
Marv
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Hi Marv. Maybe I'm not the best evaluator. The first stories I read really cracked me up--that's all I can say.
Comment from Jay Squires
Your dialogue is much more understandable, Marv. It's always been powerful when I could understand who the speaker was. You've eliminated that problem, which leaves nothing but sparkle.
"What's to understand? I write it, I submit it. Maisel rejects it. Who's next?" [Do you mean "what's next?"? Just asking. "Who's next" just doesn't seem to fit.]
Great work, Marv.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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Your dialogue is much more understandable, Marv. It's always been powerful when I could understand who the speaker was. You've eliminated that problem, which leaves nothing but sparkle.
"What's to understand? I write it, I submit it. Maisel rejects it. Who's next?" [Do you mean "what's next?"? Just asking. "Who's next" just doesn't seem to fit.]
Great work, Marv.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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Thanks for reviewing, Jay. Your words are gratifying.
Sparkle. I like that word.
I agree with your suggestion, "what's next?" It's so obvious now.
Thank you for the compliments and the 5 stars.
Marv
Comment from Mary Wakeford
This is great, Marvin, with lots of laughs and great dialogue throughout.
"Her name is Beatrice Bevilaciqua. Her num . . ."
"Whoa, that's a mouthful. How about if I type the whole alphabet and you tell me which letters to white out?" -> lots of great lines throughout, but this is my favorite.
My only suggestion for change, and it's minor...
soon became obvious we weren't done talking,-> finished talking vs. done
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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This is great, Marvin, with lots of laughs and great dialogue throughout.
"Her name is Beatrice Bevilaciqua. Her num . . ."
"Whoa, that's a mouthful. How about if I type the whole alphabet and you tell me which letters to white out?" -> lots of great lines throughout, but this is my favorite.
My only suggestion for change, and it's minor...
soon became obvious we weren't done talking,-> finished talking vs. done
Comment Written 08-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2016
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Thank you for this review, Mary.
I've made the change regarding your suggestion.
I imagine you feel the same with your humor. It sounds funny or humorous when I first conceive it but after the fortieth reading, I'm no longer sure. Thanks for giving me much needed approval.
I appreciate all the compliments.
Marv