Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Carol,

I suppose this poem may work a little TOO well. It brought back my own memories of childhood and my own father, who was also an abusive man at times. (too many times.) I almost passed it by without a review, actually, but thought that wouldn't be fair, would it?

What I liked:
1.) the juxtaposition of the bitch/crying with the freedom and flying of the cotton balls

2.) the comparison of red tree sap that can paint bare feet in grass to blood that can paint bare feet on a floor after broken glass

3.) time has passed in the blink of a bloody eye and your father doesn't have that power anymore (And yet he DOES.)

A moving poem, Carol. I DON'T like it. Very much.

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016

Thanks for deciding to comment, and I'm sorry if it stirred up a few bad memories. It stirred up a bunch of stuff for me too, thinking about it all. A few others have commented on having father's who were like that - verbal abuse can be really terrible, and you have the internal scars even if there are no outward signs of pain.
Hugs,
Carol

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I relished "the straw man" pictograph you selected to illustrate your poem that definitely works! Your free verse about emotional abuse is powerful and intensified by your vivid images. I am sorry it contains elements of autobiography. Warm regards- Joan

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016

Thank you for appreciating my straw man...I thought it was pretty cool, and it seemed to fit in a weird way. Thanks for reading and understanding...
Carol

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

I think this works. The comparison of an abusive situation to elements in nature has a lot of potential to illustrate the feelings involved in an abusive situation

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

I think you've got it Douglas. In an abusive situation, a mental escape to a happier time can mean a trip to nature and a happy memory. Thanks so much for understanding,
Carol

Comment from dragonpoet

Good

I am not sure but is this free verse written against bullying? It does seem to give and idea of how name calling and such makes a part of one's self-confidence and identy fall away as easily as cottonwood fluff.

Keep writing

dragonpeot

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

it's free verse written about emotional abuse, experienced as a child, that makes one extra sensitive as an adult. I guess it's hard to understand if it never happened to you.
Carol

reply by dragonpoet on 28-Nov-2016

I can see that too. I was picked on so it touched me there. I guess I was just going for a milder form of abuse. If any kind of abuse can be seen as mild.
Sorry for what you endured but it has inspired poetry and probably made you a stronger person.

Keep writing

dragonpoet

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Not sure I get the message...a grumpy old man in galoshes calling his mate a bitch,
making her remember the springtimes of their lives? I give this a five for the images and word choices, which are excellent. It works.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

Yeah, grumpy middle aged man, criticizing his overly-sensitive wife. Childhood memories of being shouted at, in the middle of it all (even though I don't spell that out). Neuroticism at it's finest, lol.

Comment from sandy montgomery

Excellent

Does this work... I feel it does and here is why. I thought your images were vivid and emotive. Your words drew me a picture. They made me think and feel. To me this is poetry in its purest form. Written from one soul to another. Thank you for sharing your work.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

Thank you, I really have mixed feelings about this one. It's not clear what it's about, and that seems to bother some people. But to me, it's not important that it mean the same things to others as it does for me. Thank you for appreciating the words here,
Carol

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

I'm not sure I'm picking up on exactly what you are saying, but like most poetry, I know what it's saying to me. And for good or bad, summers do pass so quickly, for those we will miss, or those we are glad to see gone, and for those we can hardly wait to follow the departed. :-)

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

That's the important thing - what it means to you. Still, I probably could have made it more clear. Yes, the summers pass by too quickly!
Carol

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Carol. This is a well written piece in the writing sense. Frustration about something comes through to the reader. That aside, cryptic writes are satisfying for the writer and leave the reader to ponder their purpose. Is it for the writer to vent and feel release? I would say "yes" to that and often do it, too. It doesn't matter if anyone else "gets it" as long as we, ourselves, do. Marilyn

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

I decided that it's too cryptic. It's funny because, when I read modern poetry (in the New Yorker, for example) many times I have no idea what they're talking about. Yet it is considered to be good poetry.
But like you said, if we each need our own release, that is reason enough. Thanks :))
Carol

reply by BeasPeas on 28-Nov-2016

I think it is a really good poem, Carol. It's just that some things we write have more meaning for us as writers. However, the reader always brings his/her own interpretation to it. So if our poem engages the reader, it's a success. Besides, you are an excellent poet, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. :) Marilyn

reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

Thanks, Marilyn - I appreciate your support :))

Comment from Pantygynt

Exceptional

This is not a poem one can pass by easily. Neither does its full meaning leap easily to mind. But it is a poem that, by virtue of its brief length encourages the the reader to delve into it to try to extract the truths hidden in the splendid metaphors here.

The coarsely insulting "Bitch" folowed by this wonderfully alliterative line,
"(another tiny gash joins the web of weeping)"
sets the the tone. this is not going to be cosy comfortable, not with a "web of weeping" in there.

And who is the "you" in this poem. Is it the general reader or the specific one that called you "Bitch". Are they both the same?

Then there is this strange phrase:
"I wonder if
you've never seen the..."
Strange in my view because we usually say:
"I wonder if
you've ever seen the..."
The inclusion of the "N" that turn the everday phrase into something rather special is a streoke of genius.

Being British I never have seen the cottonwoods but I think the "you" in the poem has or at least you think they should have, but perhaps never really noticed them.

We are then presented with a classic double negative commentary line that clearly indicates the opposite, a positive.

There is a cruelty about the next stanza that works through the imagery pointed up in the commentary line that follows it.

There is anger in the final line whether the sanguinous expletive is taken literally or as an exclamation.

So, yes it works, on me at least, it unsettles me and makes me angry that something or someone has caused such feelings to be aroused. If that was your intention then yes, it works really well. If you you mean do I fully understand it or what is actually described here then beyond the literal meaning of the words, no, I don't have that degree of understanding, but neither do I feel that you believe it necessary for the reader to have it. At least that is what i hope.

It is a remarkable and lovely piece of free verse that I could reads again and again.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

It's about using verbally abusive words toward someone you supposedly love. My father was really awful that way, it was not a nice childhood in a lot of ways. I'm very sensitive now, as a result - overly so. You'd think a person would develop a thicker skin, but it doesn't always work out that way.

The cottonwoods represent a kind of purity or beauty. the speaker in the poem wishes that "you" could see the beauty and innocence in her too. I think...I'm still trying to figure it out myself. I think that you understand it to the extent that someone should or could.

I appreciate you having feelings of anger, as described, and I thank you for such a thoughtful, insightful review.

reply by Pantygynt on 29-Nov-2016

I am sorry to hear you had to suffer such unkindness from your father. Mine was similarly inclined and, as a result I have to be ever vigilant I don't fall into the same trap and follow in his example.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I like the language, it seems at the beginning that some sort of abuse is going, but the figurative compiection changes with the descriptive narrative being beautiful descriptive, and evocatively magnetic, not sure what it's about. Well done, though very attractive, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016

It's about emotional abuse, or verbal abuse - bullying. One escapes by remembering happy childhood scenes, wondering why the bully can't appreciate the beautiful things about you. Thanks so much for reading, as always, Roy,
Carol

reply by royowen on 29-Nov-2016

It's such a shame that these things go on kids can cruel, beautiful write.