One man's journey to get clean
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Phone Call"Getting clean from meth isn't easy
8 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
When my son was seventeen he suddenly developed the symptoms of schizophrenia. Loss of appetite, Afraid people were out to get him etc. A year later the symptoms went away as quickly as they came. We found out he had been addicted to meth. He quit and never used it again.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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When my son was seventeen he suddenly developed the symptoms of schizophrenia. Loss of appetite, Afraid people were out to get him etc. A year later the symptoms went away as quickly as they came. We found out he had been addicted to meth. He quit and never used it again.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the time to read and review. The character in the story will have an underlying mental illness and is self-medicating. I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope he has totally stayed away from meth, and is doing much better these days. Your comments are helpful to my story line, and I appreciate them.
~patty~
Comment from KjSilver
This was interesting. I've never thought about what it would be like to have to make a call like this. The dialogue seems too scripted, making it read unnatural. I think your on a good track though.
Loosen up the dialogue. Set the scene of where he is, and we can place ourselves deeper into the cement of your story.
Keep on writing. I can tell that your stories are going to become a powerful tool for you.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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This was interesting. I've never thought about what it would be like to have to make a call like this. The dialogue seems too scripted, making it read unnatural. I think your on a good track though.
Loosen up the dialogue. Set the scene of where he is, and we can place ourselves deeper into the cement of your story.
Keep on writing. I can tell that your stories are going to become a powerful tool for you.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I tried to write this totally in dialogue - something new for me. I believe you and a few other reviewers are right - it is too stilted. I will work on rewrites as the book continues to come together. THANK YOU for your suggestions and encouragement.
~patty~
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
There is good depth of emotion in this piece and solid information and understanding. It may be an idea to incorporate some actions to go with the dialogue to break up just the dialogue, such as Gary pacing about, looking in a window.. and such like
When using the ellipsis (...) you don't need the comma before them.
What kinds of drugs do you use, and how long have you been using? - need closing speech marks here.
Our program is designed to get you off drugs - need opening speech marks here and at the end of this dialogue as well.
By the time I came down, the job was gone."
/ disappearing for days at a time, he was done."
- these 2 paragraphs don't need closing speech marks as the dialogue doesn't stop. you still need the openers though.
I don't want to feel ashamed about myself.
- closing speech marks needed.
I do need to know if you are committed to this - opening speech marks needed.
Can you tell me what the program is like?- closing speech marks needed.
overcome alcoholism, drug abuse, and many other addictions. - and here.
so I have the higher power concept down.
- and here as well.
you're ready for Step 2.
- and here.
Can I get in and get started right away?"- need opening speech marks here.
You're very lucky. It just so happens - and here as well.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
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Hi there,
There is good depth of emotion in this piece and solid information and understanding. It may be an idea to incorporate some actions to go with the dialogue to break up just the dialogue, such as Gary pacing about, looking in a window.. and such like
When using the ellipsis (...) you don't need the comma before them.
What kinds of drugs do you use, and how long have you been using? - need closing speech marks here.
Our program is designed to get you off drugs - need opening speech marks here and at the end of this dialogue as well.
By the time I came down, the job was gone."
/ disappearing for days at a time, he was done."
- these 2 paragraphs don't need closing speech marks as the dialogue doesn't stop. you still need the openers though.
I don't want to feel ashamed about myself.
- closing speech marks needed.
I do need to know if you are committed to this - opening speech marks needed.
Can you tell me what the program is like?- closing speech marks needed.
overcome alcoholism, drug abuse, and many other addictions. - and here.
so I have the higher power concept down.
- and here as well.
you're ready for Step 2.
- and here.
Can I get in and get started right away?"- need opening speech marks here.
You're very lucky. It just so happens - and here as well.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I appreciate your thorough and precise editing and will return to the piece and complete them. I was trying a new technique, and only wanted to use the dialogue to convey the story, so that's why there is no action, though I appreciate your comments about the lack of it.
~patty~
Comment from MelB
smoking pot, I've taken Adirol, and taken Prozac for the high. - Ad(derall)
This is a great chapter. You've described the pull of the drugs well and the commitment needed to start therapy. It's sad to see what has become of his life, but I know if he is ready and will do the work, he can get free of the drugs and the lifestyle.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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smoking pot, I've taken Adirol, and taken Prozac for the high. - Ad(derall)
This is a great chapter. You've described the pull of the drugs well and the commitment needed to start therapy. It's sad to see what has become of his life, but I know if he is ready and will do the work, he can get free of the drugs and the lifestyle.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I appreciate the correct spelling of Adderall - I didn't even have it close enough to look it up!! Your comments made me smile -- he will go through the rest of the process in the rest of the book. I'm glad you feel I'm on the right track.
~patty~
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I used to work in a doctor's office and I did medical transcription, so glad it still comes in handy once in awhile. I guess the rest was the counselor coming out in me. LOL!
Comment from c_lucas
I had difficulty in believing the conversation between the addict and the therapist. Mainly their conversation was surreal. Otherwise, this is well written.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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I had difficulty in believing the conversation between the addict and the therapist. Mainly their conversation was surreal. Otherwise, this is well written.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I'm working with this conversation. Since I've never gone to rehab, (but I have gone through the intake process for mental health hospitalization,) I'm hoping to have the story move on through this process.
I appreciate your comments.
~patty~
Comment from Stephanie Burster
First off I should say that I am a recovering alcoholic and can identify with the horrors of addiction. I myself have been where this man has and it took time before I could commit myself to a twelve step program. I also called people in middle of the night because I had so much fear that I carried for most of drinking days.
One thing I would like to point out. The Higher Power part of AA does not refer to Jesus Christ as it is not a religious program. Some people have different views on this as they are not believers in anything. It takes time here to establish how a recovering addict can relate to any Higher Power at all.
This piece brings it all together in a succinct manner and captures the feelings of powerlessness to people crippled by this disease. Nice piece of writing
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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First off I should say that I am a recovering alcoholic and can identify with the horrors of addiction. I myself have been where this man has and it took time before I could commit myself to a twelve step program. I also called people in middle of the night because I had so much fear that I carried for most of drinking days.
One thing I would like to point out. The Higher Power part of AA does not refer to Jesus Christ as it is not a religious program. Some people have different views on this as they are not believers in anything. It takes time here to establish how a recovering addict can relate to any Higher Power at all.
This piece brings it all together in a succinct manner and captures the feelings of powerlessness to people crippled by this disease. Nice piece of writing
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I appreciate you sharing with me your own challenges, and I hope your sobriety is going well. I will address your concern about the Higher Power and the roll played in a later chapter. The protagonist THINKS he has it all covered.
I appreciate the stars, and your warm review.
~patty~
Comment from barleygirl
The mechanics of your writing are strong & your storytelling is clear & logical. Your effort to show us your main character thru dialogue is well-done. I think the patient's dialogue is the most realistic & believable. I think the first half of the therapist's dialogue sounds too flat & clinical, like an interrogation. This doesn't seem to be the way it would really sound. I was trained to answer the suicide hotline for years -- it's correct to start by making sure the person isn't a danger to himself or others, but I feel this interrogation goes on too long & it sounds too impersonal. It might be more humanistic if you sprinkled some caring & conversational questions in between the more harsh & straightforward interrogation questions. This hard-ass bitch on the line would not really seem the best idea for coaxing a person into making this important decision. But other than that one part, the rest is very well done & true-to-life.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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The mechanics of your writing are strong & your storytelling is clear & logical. Your effort to show us your main character thru dialogue is well-done. I think the patient's dialogue is the most realistic & believable. I think the first half of the therapist's dialogue sounds too flat & clinical, like an interrogation. This doesn't seem to be the way it would really sound. I was trained to answer the suicide hotline for years -- it's correct to start by making sure the person isn't a danger to himself or others, but I feel this interrogation goes on too long & it sounds too impersonal. It might be more humanistic if you sprinkled some caring & conversational questions in between the more harsh & straightforward interrogation questions. This hard-ass bitch on the line would not really seem the best idea for coaxing a person into making this important decision. But other than that one part, the rest is very well done & true-to-life.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I will work on 'Cindy's' voice to make her more human. I appreciate your suggestion, and your comment about the dialogue - I don't consider dialogue a strong suit in my writing, so I feel great that you thought it came across well.
~patty~
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Many writers avoid dialogue, becuz it is daunting. But it's the best way to show instead of tell. You did a good job with dialogue.
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Thanks, again. I'm very encouraged by your words, and will use dialogue throughout the book to move the story along, and give a voice to the characters.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes is well-written drugs are a terrible thing they take over your whole life without you realising what effect they really have in this process they ruin every thong for a person well-done regards Jill
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Yes is well-written drugs are a terrible thing they take over your whole life without you realising what effect they really have in this process they ruin every thong for a person well-done regards Jill
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I put this chapter in the wrong book- it isn't the 2nd installment of my diary, but the next chapter to my Diner story.
Any suggestions or tips on how to get it in the right book?
Thank you for becoming a fan - it is much appreciated. (The stars are nice, too.)
~patty~
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contact tom he will tell you how to change it you get hold of him through contact us and your welcome regards jill
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Thank you, Jill. I've been driving myself crazy trying to move the story. I want the chapter to get read as part of the novel, and NOT my diary.
I appreciate your help. I sent a message to 'Contact us.' Hopefully, I will hear from them soon.
~patty~
