Which Way to Go?
What happens while a GPS is searching for satellites.3 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
This story met the contest prompts, and told a nice story about two people traveling. I liked the interspersing of dialogue to move the story along, and the colorful language to portray an accurate picture.
Some of your word usage was a bit trite and overused. As writers, we all fall into the trap of using words that seem to fit the situation, but when read, the reader feels like they aren't getting any new information.
Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
~patty~
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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This story met the contest prompts, and told a nice story about two people traveling. I liked the interspersing of dialogue to move the story along, and the colorful language to portray an accurate picture.
Some of your word usage was a bit trite and overused. As writers, we all fall into the trap of using words that seem to fit the situation, but when read, the reader feels like they aren't getting any new information.
Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
~patty~
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Thanks for the read.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
yep nothing worse than an uncooperative sat nav. good take on the prompt.
We walked toward a middle-age agent - middle-aged?
"Yes," she said, "I have your reservation right here," with a Carolina drawl. perhaps put the end bit following straight after said. The speech is already gone before the accent is described.
"Are you sure," I said. "Nothing else? - need closing speech marks here.
a fireplug of a woman / The fireplug of a lady - be careful of repetition and try to vary the description.
Fireplug gave her half-sheet map - gave her a.
double glass sliding doors - this means double paned (glazed) or did you mean double doors?
After I fingered out how to start the thing - figured out?
I eased the the SUV forward - delete the repetition of 'the' here.
Luckily, it collapsed against the door, so no damage was done. - looking at the mechanics of this - if you reversed, surely the mirror would have bent the opposite way, a way it's not intended to bend away from the door.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Hi there,
yep nothing worse than an uncooperative sat nav. good take on the prompt.
We walked toward a middle-age agent - middle-aged?
"Yes," she said, "I have your reservation right here," with a Carolina drawl. perhaps put the end bit following straight after said. The speech is already gone before the accent is described.
"Are you sure," I said. "Nothing else? - need closing speech marks here.
a fireplug of a woman / The fireplug of a lady - be careful of repetition and try to vary the description.
Fireplug gave her half-sheet map - gave her a.
double glass sliding doors - this means double paned (glazed) or did you mean double doors?
After I fingered out how to start the thing - figured out?
I eased the the SUV forward - delete the repetition of 'the' here.
Luckily, it collapsed against the door, so no damage was done. - looking at the mechanics of this - if you reversed, surely the mirror would have bent the opposite way, a way it's not intended to bend away from the door.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Thanks for the careful read and suggestions.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"Searching for satellite" is one of the most frustrating statements a person can hear when driving and depending on a GPS for directions.
They are good for what they do, once they receive a satellite signal, as this story depicts, but until then...
Been there, done that, Can relate to this frustrated feeling.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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"Searching for satellite" is one of the most frustrating statements a person can hear when driving and depending on a GPS for directions.
They are good for what they do, once they receive a satellite signal, as this story depicts, but until then...
Been there, done that, Can relate to this frustrated feeling.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Thanks for the read.
