A Strange Story
Flash Fiction6 total reviews
Comment from KjSilver
This was good storywise. Some sentences could be tightened up, but the major thing that made it hard to read was all your punctuation had spaces in between it and the last letter. It messes with your flow. Probably just a glitch from when you transferred it.
" When will [you] reach your village ? "
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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This was good storywise. Some sentences could be tightened up, but the major thing that made it hard to read was all your punctuation had spaces in between it and the last letter. It messes with your flow. Probably just a glitch from when you transferred it.
" When will [you] reach your village ? "
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank you for your helpful comments. It is much appreciated.
Best regards.
Comment from frogbook
This was an intriguing story and a surprise ending that left angst for the character. May I suggest that the 1st 2 paragraphs were a bit repetitive about not refusing John. Maybe a little change in wording for a great story. Best of luck in the voting.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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This was an intriguing story and a surprise ending that left angst for the character. May I suggest that the 1st 2 paragraphs were a bit repetitive about not refusing John. Maybe a little change in wording for a great story. Best of luck in the voting.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank you for your helpful comments. It is much appreciated.
Best regards.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
A lot of going on in this flash.
Good characterizations used throughout the telling of this story.
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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A lot of going on in this flash.
Good characterizations used throughout the telling of this story.
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work.
Best regards.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I don't know if you're aware but there is word limit on this contest of 1000 and your piece comes in over that at around 1054. It is mentioned in the threads on the competition page by the organiser.
It would also be a good idea to incorporate some line breaks into this. Leaving a clear line between paragraphs eases the read and many people simply skip over large blocks of unbroken text.
How could something like this happen to me ? - delete the space before the question mark.
I get up and start the floor. - no idea what start the floor means?
I had planned to reach airport - reach the airport.
Watch your spacing. on numerous occasions you leave gaps before the end punctuation of sentences. This isn't necessary.
If you read through this again very carefully you'll find numerous sentences with words missing. It makes for a very disjointed read.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Hi there,
I don't know if you're aware but there is word limit on this contest of 1000 and your piece comes in over that at around 1054. It is mentioned in the threads on the competition page by the organiser.
It would also be a good idea to incorporate some line breaks into this. Leaving a clear line between paragraphs eases the read and many people simply skip over large blocks of unbroken text.
How could something like this happen to me ? - delete the space before the question mark.
I get up and start the floor. - no idea what start the floor means?
I had planned to reach airport - reach the airport.
Watch your spacing. on numerous occasions you leave gaps before the end punctuation of sentences. This isn't necessary.
If you read through this again very carefully you'll find numerous sentences with words missing. It makes for a very disjointed read.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
-
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank you for your helpful comments. It is much appreciated.
Best regards.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
. I wanted
good to me , ever since
when I had got the scholarship
reaching Mumbai ? " asked Greg
"Here we are... ," said John.
'Egg Benedict.'
Seems like a good story, but lots of snags.
Would have rated you higher but too many errors.
There are a lot more than what I pointed out here.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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. I wanted
good to me , ever since
when I had got the scholarship
reaching Mumbai ? " asked Greg
"Here we are... ," said John.
'Egg Benedict.'
Seems like a good story, but lots of snags.
Would have rated you higher but too many errors.
There are a lot more than what I pointed out here.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank you for your helpful comments. It is much appreciated.
Best regards.
Comment from country ranch writer
WHAT A DIRTY TRICK THEY ALL PULLED ON HER AND NOW SHE IS TO TAKE THE WRAP FOR THEM BEING IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME AND ETC AND SO ON.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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WHAT A DIRTY TRICK THEY ALL PULLED ON HER AND NOW SHE IS TO TAKE THE WRAP FOR THEM BEING IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME AND ETC AND SO ON.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
-
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work.
Best regards.
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