Cloud Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Cloud shadows"An Anthology of Poetry
11 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Cassie,
I really like this poem. You compare a loving relationship to clouds passing by, how they linger but eventually pass. You also compare these memories to images in a mirror, "shadows"/caught by tinted glass that are here one day and gone the next. Fleeting. But you can't take them away from your mind. There to stay. Nice metaphors! And a simile in there, too...
"Memories come like painted thought"
I would offer a suggestion, although it's just an idea I have, and not necessary at all.
Your first lines have 8 syllables, 4 iambic feet. I'd like to see the following 3 lines all having 6 syllables and 3 iambic feet. Only one line has to be changed slightly in each verse, plus an odd word perhaps...
(The soft , white clouds that float on high
Throw shadows to the ground
Paint faces on the sky
And pass, but make no sound
Reflections are but shadows caught
And tinted by the glass
Recalled like painted thoughts
And lingeringly pass.
Then like this love that once we shared
They come and fade away.
But knowing we once cared
And loved - in yesterday.)
I was looking for the story you deleted when I hesitated over your very first poem in Fanstory back in 2015. A remarkable poem! Often, I will look for pictures in the clouds. When I was very young, probably 3 years old, I would study my grandmother's glasses... because there were pictures in them! (She always told this story when I was much older.)
"I see pickshers in your gasses, Nanny!"
Nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Hi Cassie,
I really like this poem. You compare a loving relationship to clouds passing by, how they linger but eventually pass. You also compare these memories to images in a mirror, "shadows"/caught by tinted glass that are here one day and gone the next. Fleeting. But you can't take them away from your mind. There to stay. Nice metaphors! And a simile in there, too...
"Memories come like painted thought"
I would offer a suggestion, although it's just an idea I have, and not necessary at all.
Your first lines have 8 syllables, 4 iambic feet. I'd like to see the following 3 lines all having 6 syllables and 3 iambic feet. Only one line has to be changed slightly in each verse, plus an odd word perhaps...
(The soft , white clouds that float on high
Throw shadows to the ground
Paint faces on the sky
And pass, but make no sound
Reflections are but shadows caught
And tinted by the glass
Recalled like painted thoughts
And lingeringly pass.
Then like this love that once we shared
They come and fade away.
But knowing we once cared
And loved - in yesterday.)
I was looking for the story you deleted when I hesitated over your very first poem in Fanstory back in 2015. A remarkable poem! Often, I will look for pictures in the clouds. When I was very young, probably 3 years old, I would study my grandmother's glasses... because there were pictures in them! (She always told this story when I was much older.)
"I see pickshers in your gasses, Nanny!"
Nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Dear Kimbob, Thank you for your thoughtful review. You have mentioned several points which interest me. However, changing the wording of "Cloud Shadows" won't happen. It's been too long in its present form to be altered now, so thanks anyway, but, I'll pass. The comments you've made about this being the "first poem" aren't truly accurate, as there were other poems now lost that were posted first. There was a bit of confusion with my account earlier which caused my entire portfolio to be erased. An hysterical plea to Tom Ems had the matter resolved. He was able to restore most of it, but some of the earliest works aren't there. I'm not going to bother Tom again, but as I remember them I'll put them back. They were poems written as far back as 1960, 1970. Very precious to me. Once again thank you for your comments. cheers Cass
Comment from l.raven
HI Cass, this is just beautiful sweet girl...reflections are but shadows caught and tinted by the glass...I love this line...and I love the last four lines...well I love the whole poem...LOL...so very nicely written you...and the picture is beautiful...love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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HI Cass, this is just beautiful sweet girl...reflections are but shadows caught and tinted by the glass...I love this line...and I love the last four lines...well I love the whole poem...LOL...so very nicely written you...and the picture is beautiful...love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Dear Linda, Thank you for your review and the five stars. This poem has a special meaning for me, as it was written at a time when a family member was going through the breakdown of her marriage and was having a really tough time. We went for a walk along the beach early one morning , a beautiful summer day when the clouds were fluffy and white, casting their shadows over the sea and the white sands as they passed overhead. This poem was the result, although it sat in the folder for decades until I added a third verse and put it on line. Cheers Cass
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it beautiful Cass...I can see why it means so much to you...smiling ...Linda xxoo
Comment from frogbook
Great poem presented as if whispered with quiet, melancholy nostalgia of a love lost. Very beautiful with excellent rhyme and a strong closing line.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Great poem presented as if whispered with quiet, melancholy nostalgia of a love lost. Very beautiful with excellent rhyme and a strong closing line.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Dear Froggie, thank you for your review and the five stars. You pick up the mood of the poem very well, as it was written at a time when a family member's marriage had failed and she was rebuilding her life. Well spotted. Cheers Cass
Comment from Joy Graham
This is lovely and light just like the clouds you speak of. I love watching clouds. Sometimes they have a familiar shape and then as they move along the wind changes their shape. It's mesmerizing to watch them. I get your connection in comparing them to past loves. That works for me :)
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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This is lovely and light just like the clouds you speak of. I love watching clouds. Sometimes they have a familiar shape and then as they move along the wind changes their shape. It's mesmerizing to watch them. I get your connection in comparing them to past loves. That works for me :)
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Dear Joy, thank you for your review and the five stars. The imagery of the shifting , changing clouds was quite unconscious, but rather fitting none-the-less. It is so interesting to learn what others find in one's own writing. Thanks again cheers Cass
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a wonderful poem, Cass, thoughtful. Good form throughout with syllables and flow. Fine rhyming. I like the first stanza focusing on the clouds and casting a shadow on the land. Artwork to accompany is perfect pointing to these words:
"Reflections are but shadows caught
And tinted by the glass
Memories come like painted thought
And lingeringly pass."
Marilyn
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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This is a wonderful poem, Cass, thoughtful. Good form throughout with syllables and flow. Fine rhyming. I like the first stanza focusing on the clouds and casting a shadow on the land. Artwork to accompany is perfect pointing to these words:
"Reflections are but shadows caught
And tinted by the glass
Memories come like painted thought
And lingeringly pass."
Marilyn
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Dear Marilyn, thank you for your review and the five stars. I wrote this a long time ago, but it didn't seem "right" somehow. So i added another verse and Voila!! Also a bit of editing. Thanks again, your opinion matters to me. cheers Cass
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I know what you mean, Cass. I'm tweaking my portfolio and changing a few things. It's a big job. I think it's good though because I can see what each poem needs to improve it. Maybe in a few more years, I'll see more. :) Marilyn
Comment from William Ross
Nicely done on cloud shadows, good rhyming and rhythm, flows and reads well. Thanks for sharing the thoughts and have a great day
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Nicely done on cloud shadows, good rhyming and rhythm, flows and reads well. Thanks for sharing the thoughts and have a great day
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Dear William, Thank you for your review and the five stars. Your comments are noted and much appreciated. This piece has been received well which is quite a thrill. I am always gratified when my words meet with approval. Thanks again dear William and I hope you have a great day too. cheers Cass
Comment from Brett Matthew West
This poem implies that like the clouds that pass on by so does love.
Good comparison of the two elements into one poem.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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This poem implies that like the clouds that pass on by so does love.
Good comparison of the two elements into one poem.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Dear Brett, Thank you for your review and the five stars. The passing by of the clouds does echo the transitory nature of life, and love which you perceive accurately. Well done thanks again cheers Cass
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Cass
= Excellent love poem of a past love.
= Great verbiage in the second stanza.
= A reflective piece of artwork is the perfect touch.
= Feeling much better. It's nice to be back online again.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Hi, Cass
= Excellent love poem of a past love.
= Great verbiage in the second stanza.
= A reflective piece of artwork is the perfect touch.
= Feeling much better. It's nice to be back online again.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Dear Jax, Thank you for your review and the five stars. I think I have already had a review from you which I have replied to, but never mind, it's always nice to hear from a friend. Thanks for your comments, it is so pleasing to hear I got it right. the artwork is a F/S selection by Ronnie McClune , perfectly shows what the poem is about. cheers Cass
Comment from winnona
A well-written poem. Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. Your artwork completed the piece well.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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A well-written poem. Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. Your artwork completed the piece well.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
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Dear Winnona, thank you for your review and the five stars. I like this piece myself . It was written a long time ago, but only recently have I revised it and added another verse. The artwork is beautiful. One from the FanStory range. Thanks again cheers Cass
Comment from damommy
A beautifully written poem about past love.
The last stanza is my favorite. Like the clouds, this love faded away.
"The soft , white clouds that float on high throw shadows on the ground" - great line. 8-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2016
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A beautifully written poem about past love.
The last stanza is my favorite. Like the clouds, this love faded away.
"The soft , white clouds that float on high throw shadows on the ground" - great line. 8-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2016
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Dear Mommy, thank you for your review and the five stars.This poem has been in my folder for years and years, and for some reason I never posted it . Just recently I happened to look at it again and another verse to go with the original two, suggested itself. So I writ it and Here 'tis. I am glad you like it . thanks Mom cheers Cass
