I Woke Up Dead
Dramtic Monologue - Woke Up Dead Contest8 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
This one throws the rhythm book away and relies intriguingly on rhyme, internal and external, just rhyme without the scheme, just like some guy rambling on to the dead who can't answer back. The amazing thing is that, as a sick joke, it works, rather well in fact.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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This one throws the rhythm book away and relies intriguingly on rhyme, internal and external, just rhyme without the scheme, just like some guy rambling on to the dead who can't answer back. The amazing thing is that, as a sick joke, it works, rather well in fact.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thanks for your insight, Pantygynt. (I didn't go for iambic pentameter, but was dutifully attentive to syllable count)
I guess I'm more storyteller than poet.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Haha! Great last line. Thank you for the excellent example of Dramatic Monologue. Now I know what that means. I don't see anything that needs to be corrected.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Haha! Great last line. Thank you for the excellent example of Dramatic Monologue. Now I know what that means. I don't see anything that needs to be corrected.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much, Kathleen! Too bad you weren't a voter. You actually read the durned thing! (One more vote, and I'd have been in the money!) :) (Mine was the only one.)
Pleased to meet you!
Don
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Aw. You're welcome.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
To me in the first half of this poem in places it, jarred I think it could have flowed a little better the second half is good maybe its just me, good luck regards Jill
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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To me in the first half of this poem in places it, jarred I think it could have flowed a little better the second half is good maybe its just me, good luck regards Jill
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Thanks for your insightful comments, Jill!. Much appreciated!
Comment from Luna
I had fun reading this "dark" entertaining poem. Even though it was a Free verse, I notice that you did sneak some rhyme in there at times.
I just had a ball with the visuals I got from this. The picture was perfect.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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I had fun reading this "dark" entertaining poem. Even though it was a Free verse, I notice that you did sneak some rhyme in there at times.
I just had a ball with the visuals I got from this. The picture was perfect.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Thanks for commenting on my poem, "I woke Up Dead," Luna. As a matter of fact, it has lots of rhymes, which, actually is permissable in modern free verse poetry, according to a number of current sources.
Significantly, I have read many poems similar in style to mine, so after researching it, I found that the genre is called "Dramatic Monologue," and I have re-labeled my poem accordingly. (I wish I had done this sooner.)
Comment from Thal1959
Very interesting work about the subject matter. It takes the required line first, and then extrapolates a living existence afterwards. But I am not sure this qualifies as true free verse. Free verse normally doesn't rhyme at all, and uses a repeated word or phrase; or employs commas to "simulate" a kind of beat. Your variations to line length fits the free verse pattern, but you do employ a number of Leonine rhymes - such as, "They'll stop pretending that they're "grieving," and soon they'll be "leaving." Still, a very clever and thought of work. Thanks.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Very interesting work about the subject matter. It takes the required line first, and then extrapolates a living existence afterwards. But I am not sure this qualifies as true free verse. Free verse normally doesn't rhyme at all, and uses a repeated word or phrase; or employs commas to "simulate" a kind of beat. Your variations to line length fits the free verse pattern, but you do employ a number of Leonine rhymes - such as, "They'll stop pretending that they're "grieving," and soon they'll be "leaving." Still, a very clever and thought of work. Thanks.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Thanks for your excellent review of "I Woke Up Dead," Thal1959!
I have read many poems similar in a style to mine, so after similar comments, I researched it, nd found that the genre is called "Dramatic Monologue." I've re-labeled my poem accordingly, and wish I had done it sooner.
Thanks again.
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You're welcome.
Comment from winnona
Free verse or not your words still flowed easily line to line and combined well forming the message of the piece for the reader. Your artwork completed the piece well. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Free verse or not your words still flowed easily line to line and combined well forming the message of the piece for the reader. Your artwork completed the piece well. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thanks, Winnona! It's gratifying to know that you enjoyed "i Woke Up Dead." (I was the only voter who appreciated it enough! :o)
Don
Comment from Ryn
Way out there as far as topic choice. It took me a minute to get where the poem going. Lots of fun, good choice of wording. I like the concept. You pulled it off well. Always fun to read a poem filled with humor.
Ryn
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
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Way out there as far as topic choice. It took me a minute to get where the poem going. Lots of fun, good choice of wording. I like the concept. You pulled it off well. Always fun to read a poem filled with humor.
Ryn
Comment Written 14-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
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Still trying to catch up on my "housecleaning," RYn. This one goes back a whole month@! I remember I, and I knowhad a lot of fun with that poem, and I know your review was rewarding.
Don
Comment from mvbrooks
The way this is written in long sentences distracts from the rhyme scheme--it is written as prose rather than poetry and so the rhyme happens mid line and end line and confuses the pacing.
the overall story is fun. The physical set up -- perhaps line breaks at the rhymes--would make it more appealing.
In its current format, it is very distracting to get through.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2016
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The way this is written in long sentences distracts from the rhyme scheme--it is written as prose rather than poetry and so the rhyme happens mid line and end line and confuses the pacing.
the overall story is fun. The physical set up -- perhaps line breaks at the rhymes--would make it more appealing.
In its current format, it is very distracting to get through.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2016
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Thanks for your input, mybrooks! As you noticed, this is a short story in verse. I decided to try the prosish layout that you found distracting. I've taken your advice, or my version of it, and I think it does read better this way. If you have the time, please let me know what you think.
