Nashville Trashville - Chapter 3
A continuing story with chapter links in notes section.17 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
LOL I'd like to read this from your daughter's POV. One smart move, the bride's aunt -- swallowing the entire drink. What a heck of a mess. Hope hubby has some answers.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2016
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LOL I'd like to read this from your daughter's POV. One smart move, the bride's aunt -- swallowing the entire drink. What a heck of a mess. Hope hubby has some answers.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2016
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HAHA, thank you Shari! That would be great to get her POV...I wonder how much she remembers...I appreciate your RR&R and continued interest in the story. Thank you so much! Have a great week, and how is your back?
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Back still hurts. Am having gastrointestinal problems not. Went to EM and got three prescriptions to help ascertain the cause of my abdominal pain.
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:/ I'm sorry.
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Me too! Look at the time. Haven's slept a wink all night!
Comment from kathleenspalding
OMG that's so tragically? funny! I hope everything turned out okay! Love Bunhilda's voice!!!!
Just a couple typos,
First paragraph, insert comma after ...voice,
Time...battery (were instead of was?)...
(While instead of In) trying....
Printers Alley or Pinters Alley?
The mementos sentence needs some attention, not sure what's what with the display table.
...high rise, (lower case my)...
...only January. Haha! Great line!
I don't know what OTIS is.
...my husband (when instead of as? To avoid repeating as)...
That's it. Great job!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2016
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OMG that's so tragically? funny! I hope everything turned out okay! Love Bunhilda's voice!!!!
Just a couple typos,
First paragraph, insert comma after ...voice,
Time...battery (were instead of was?)...
(While instead of In) trying....
Printers Alley or Pinters Alley?
The mementos sentence needs some attention, not sure what's what with the display table.
...high rise, (lower case my)...
...only January. Haha! Great line!
I don't know what OTIS is.
...my husband (when instead of as? To avoid repeating as)...
That's it. Great job!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2016
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Hi Kathleen, thank you so much for your thorough and wonderful review. Your catches got by me and other reviewers, and I thank you for your keen eyes. All have been corrected and I added to the wedding favors table a bit. The Otis reference was to one of the largest manufacturer of elevators. Thank you so very much for this terrific review. Have a wonderful week!
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You're welcome and thank you, you too.
Comment from F. Wehr3
Mary, you are hilarious. Leaving your daughter alone with not one but four 'Hunkalicious' guys. What could possibly go wrong? Lol, time to sober up and click Brunhilda in to gear. It should an interesting conclusion.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2016
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Mary, you are hilarious. Leaving your daughter alone with not one but four 'Hunkalicious' guys. What could possibly go wrong? Lol, time to sober up and click Brunhilda in to gear. It should an interesting conclusion.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 13-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2016
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Hi Russell, do I dare mention they were baseball players to boot? To be clear, she was with a mixed group of gals and guys she knew, along with the pancake boys, but I was still on edge...thank you for your RR&R and humor this Sunday morning. Have a great day!
Comment from emptypage
Bruni is a delightful creation. I'm betting she shows up more than I've seen, no? Well, I love her, the little snot.
Waiting for the next, which I suspect is posted already as I have been unavailable for a few days!
Peace.
Marla
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Bruni is a delightful creation. I'm betting she shows up more than I've seen, no? Well, I love her, the little snot.
Waiting for the next, which I suspect is posted already as I have been unavailable for a few days!
Peace.
Marla
Comment Written 12-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Hi Marla, yes, Bruni has been with me since my first post on FS. She is a snot, and she's getting a big head with all the notoriety :) Thank you for your RR&R on this chapter. No worries, the next has yet to be written. Hopefully by tomorrow...
Thanks again, Marla! Much appreciated!
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hi Mary,
I can only give you a 'virtual six' on this one, as I have used up my allotment of stars this week. This write is definitely worthy of a sixth star though! As per usual, your writes do not disappoint, and always give the reader a few really good chuckles.
Ahaha ... "Brunhilda hoped we weren't raped while waiting alone in the wee hours" ... Mary, you have the uncanny knack (great talent actually) of taking thoughts (the obvious) that we all think at times, and STATING them. I think every woman thinks this to herself when out alone at night, yet we never give voice to it. You do, and I think that is one of the many reasons that you endear people to your writes. You get inside your readers' heads, and they can totally relate to what you write.
That Brunhilda is a great character, and she always makes me laugh. I hope she sticks around. :)
A great story with many great lines, and terrific imagery created for your reader. Some of my fave lines are:
- "I hoped none of the hands were of the marauding type"
- "a lovely southern woman observant of the impending shit-show" (loved the
contrast here 'twixt 'classy' and 'gutter').
- "one swift yet classy swig" (that's quite the accomplishment!!)
- "summoned Jesus, Mary and Joseph and all the angels and the saints to keep
my daughter safe"
- "swearing under my breath to never travel with my kids again" (yep, some
things it's better for us parents NOT to know ... why happens in Vegas should
stay in Vegas).
A very fun read, Mary!
Connie
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Hi Mary,
I can only give you a 'virtual six' on this one, as I have used up my allotment of stars this week. This write is definitely worthy of a sixth star though! As per usual, your writes do not disappoint, and always give the reader a few really good chuckles.
Ahaha ... "Brunhilda hoped we weren't raped while waiting alone in the wee hours" ... Mary, you have the uncanny knack (great talent actually) of taking thoughts (the obvious) that we all think at times, and STATING them. I think every woman thinks this to herself when out alone at night, yet we never give voice to it. You do, and I think that is one of the many reasons that you endear people to your writes. You get inside your readers' heads, and they can totally relate to what you write.
That Brunhilda is a great character, and she always makes me laugh. I hope she sticks around. :)
A great story with many great lines, and terrific imagery created for your reader. Some of my fave lines are:
- "I hoped none of the hands were of the marauding type"
- "a lovely southern woman observant of the impending shit-show" (loved the
contrast here 'twixt 'classy' and 'gutter').
- "one swift yet classy swig" (that's quite the accomplishment!!)
- "summoned Jesus, Mary and Joseph and all the angels and the saints to keep
my daughter safe"
- "swearing under my breath to never travel with my kids again" (yep, some
things it's better for us parents NOT to know ... why happens in Vegas should
stay in Vegas).
A very fun read, Mary!
Connie
Comment Written 12-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Hi Connie, I always get a little giddy when I receive a review from you, and this was no exception. I love hearing your reactions to the various parts and your take on them. Really makes my day, and makes me want to write the next story just to hear from you! Thank you for the virtual six, good as gold in my book. I appreciate you, and hope your husband and mom-in-law are on the way to a full mending! Have a wonderful weekend! XO
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Always my pleasure to review your fun stories, Mary! I normally only review poems, as I find little time to review stories which are longer. You had me hooked from the get-go with your first story, and I always love to see what 'Brunhilda' is up to. :)
Thanks for your well wishes. Wayne is doing grrreat now and walking without the aid of a walker or a cane, and has started Physio. His mom is also on the mend. YAY!! Things are definitely looking up! :)
Have a great weekend!
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Sweet!!
Comment from Kelly2
I forgot to mention that I loved the pics in chapter 2, and this one, too. What little brats our kids are! Taking a pic of mom while she lays fallen on the ground...And you are going to have to tell me how you got those links there for the previous chapters....
The first paragraph is absolutely exceptional!
Other parts that were excellent:
"while precariously relinquishing the vessel of whirling crimson," Ms. Southern Comfort, mama walk of shame across the marble lobby, mamabear's energy bar was circling the drain, this could be my worst mom year yet, considering it was only January. LOL!
"drain the stupid juice in one swift yet classy swig, completely draining the vat of joy before handing the empty goblet back to my daughter, now staring somewhat bewildered at the extent of her share. " So frickin funny! Good thing you didn't think of it first. You are the only one with a clear head to deal with this shit show, now that Ms. Southern Comfort is undoubtedly drunk herself. Me, I would have stopped at the bar for a quick one, just to calm the nerves.
"then began rotating in circles to avoid anybody with nefarious thoughts taking me and Bruni unawares." How fast were you rotating? This could be a good way to ward off an attack, acting crazy as a loon, standing outside in the freezing cold in formal wear. Nice one.
What in the world is "commordore's"?
Well, I can't wait to hear the rest of this story!!! You were sober and still you lost your license and your hotel key...you may as well have just gotten trashed yourself!
Love it!!
Kelly
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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I forgot to mention that I loved the pics in chapter 2, and this one, too. What little brats our kids are! Taking a pic of mom while she lays fallen on the ground...And you are going to have to tell me how you got those links there for the previous chapters....
The first paragraph is absolutely exceptional!
Other parts that were excellent:
"while precariously relinquishing the vessel of whirling crimson," Ms. Southern Comfort, mama walk of shame across the marble lobby, mamabear's energy bar was circling the drain, this could be my worst mom year yet, considering it was only January. LOL!
"drain the stupid juice in one swift yet classy swig, completely draining the vat of joy before handing the empty goblet back to my daughter, now staring somewhat bewildered at the extent of her share. " So frickin funny! Good thing you didn't think of it first. You are the only one with a clear head to deal with this shit show, now that Ms. Southern Comfort is undoubtedly drunk herself. Me, I would have stopped at the bar for a quick one, just to calm the nerves.
"then began rotating in circles to avoid anybody with nefarious thoughts taking me and Bruni unawares." How fast were you rotating? This could be a good way to ward off an attack, acting crazy as a loon, standing outside in the freezing cold in formal wear. Nice one.
What in the world is "commordore's"?
Well, I can't wait to hear the rest of this story!!! You were sober and still you lost your license and your hotel key...you may as well have just gotten trashed yourself!
Love it!!
Kelly
Comment Written 12-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Hi KellBell!! I always get a little giddy inside when I read a review from you. With two back to back, I was in for a stellar Saturday! Then your assignment of a six, and I felt like I was smart enough to have attended Vanderbilt for just a moment in time :D
I loved reading your favorite parts and takes on the various references. A commodore is the mascot for Vandy U, named for Cornelius Vanderbilt. But I have made a reference to that in the notes thanks to your question, so good call!
I'm happy to share the how to link previous chapters, thanks to help from Phyllis Stewart and Dean Kuch. Here you go:
CLICKHERE.
You can get the url by clicking the share button on a story, scroll to the "copy link" icon and click it. Copy and paste and add it in the PUTURLLINKHERE part of the link, example above.
Thank you so much for the awesome RR&R and that beautiful SIX! Have an awesome weekend! You made mine pretty awesome! XO
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Thanks, but I know I wasn't my normal amusing self. It's just been a brutally exhausting week. I thought it was over, then today spent 8 hours making changes. This is just the fourth month of the magazine, so I'm sure it will get better. Then today I tried to figure out how to use dropbox, which was frustrating. But I think I was able to send somebody a link to the magazine.
So I felt bad even reviewing because I'm usually more cheerful than that. Am I not?
Thanks so much for the instructions. I will try it later because I'm literally exhausted with trying to keep up with technology. A three year old probably knows more than I do. :)
Kelly
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I live near Nashville, remember? Not that I get out much or want to. I do know Commodores. Check your spelling.
Comment from Sis Cat
Fine chapter about a mama bear protecting and failing to protect her now grown cubs. Using Brunhilda's inner voice, you make effect use of tension between a mother's role and her desire to let her children live as adults. You toss into this tension guilt that you are not being a caring mother. Sometimes you want a drink and to be free of this past date responsibility. I do not think a mother ever stops being a mother to her children. This is a humorous piece which also reflect a universal truth.
One spag. Capitalize "I" in "in trying to get . . ."
Thank you for sharing and entertaining.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Fine chapter about a mama bear protecting and failing to protect her now grown cubs. Using Brunhilda's inner voice, you make effect use of tension between a mother's role and her desire to let her children live as adults. You toss into this tension guilt that you are not being a caring mother. Sometimes you want a drink and to be free of this past date responsibility. I do not think a mother ever stops being a mother to her children. This is a humorous piece which also reflect a universal truth.
One spag. Capitalize "I" in "in trying to get . . ."
Thank you for sharing and entertaining.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Hi Andre, thank you so much for another wonderful review. I always enjoy hearing from you as you go beyond the expected or the norm. I appreciate the spag catch too, it has been corrected. I can't believe sometimes what I miss in multiple reviews before hitting the 'go' button. I appreciate the save! Have a wonderful weekend!
Comment from Ric Myworld
I guess most all parents have to go through the reality that children grow up and start making their own decisions, and many do it rather unwisely. Of course, my two oldest boys were dads running mates for a number of years, and now embarrassed to admit, it was usually me they kept trying to keep on the straight and narrow. I was wilder than a choked duck, and up to about 47-years-old was afraid I might miss something. Now I'm reminded of how much I liked your writing with the first couple pieces that I read. It's like eggs thrown into a fan, with stuff going everywhere. You have a special way of catching all that's happening around you and sharing it with your readers. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter and I can hardly wait to read the next. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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I guess most all parents have to go through the reality that children grow up and start making their own decisions, and many do it rather unwisely. Of course, my two oldest boys were dads running mates for a number of years, and now embarrassed to admit, it was usually me they kept trying to keep on the straight and narrow. I was wilder than a choked duck, and up to about 47-years-old was afraid I might miss something. Now I'm reminded of how much I liked your writing with the first couple pieces that I read. It's like eggs thrown into a fan, with stuff going everywhere. You have a special way of catching all that's happening around you and sharing it with your readers. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter and I can hardly wait to read the next. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Hi Ric, I am so happy to have you reviewing my work. I enjoyed reading this and chucked at the your share. Wilder than a choked duck; eggs thrown into a fan with stuff going everywhere...LOL. Great turn of phrases right there, sir!! I appreciate you, and look forward to hearing from you. I will get over to your page this weekend and return the favor too. Have a wonderful weekend!
Comment from Heidi M
OTIS trifecta - clever! Bruni can't read a map? Oh, no. She must have her own version of Dr. Seuss' 'Oh, the places we will go!'
I would have been worried sick and kicking myself for letting my daughter go; I can't imagine what you were going through.
Mamabear's energy bar was [was] - delete one of the 'was'
Don't make us wait too long to find out what happened with your daughter!
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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OTIS trifecta - clever! Bruni can't read a map? Oh, no. She must have her own version of Dr. Seuss' 'Oh, the places we will go!'
I would have been worried sick and kicking myself for letting my daughter go; I can't imagine what you were going through.
Mamabear's energy bar was [was] - delete one of the 'was'
Don't make us wait too long to find out what happened with your daughter!
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Heidi, thank you for your wonderful review and I actually have "Oh the Places You'll go" on my coffee table. A favorite all these years later and read it now to my grandson. Thank you for the catch on was...I am a very poor editor. I'm going to work on the next installment later tonight when I have some down time. Promise! Thanks again!
Comment from Dawn Munro
Following my introduction(,)
"My happy drunkie..." the whole paragraph is hysterical!
His disappointment was palpable....you need to add 'why' HE was disappointed NOW - it's obvious to you as you write it because you know that he gave you his room key, but the reader is left to draw the conclusion - it's confusing. And oh, hey, just for the fun of it, why not make it two sentences? (*big, shit-eating grin*) Remember what I said about varying the length of sentences - that's just me passing on info from the 'greats'.
"...OTIS trifecta(,)
There is a secret to map reading - seriously.
N
W E
S
LOL. I'm great at reading maps. Take me with you next time. (Police dispatcher when I was a kid just out of college. You'd BETTER be good at map-reading!) :)
Your Betty Boop pj's win over my Peanuts nightshirt... :( LOL. But only because my nightshirt is on its very, very, very last legs. (Can you spell 'rag'?)
What a horrible ending. (LOL) I mean that in the best way possible.
Not a six in sight, though of course this deserves that rating. You can WRITE, Mary Wakeford! (Told you I'd pop in.) *smile*
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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Following my introduction(,)
"My happy drunkie..." the whole paragraph is hysterical!
His disappointment was palpable....you need to add 'why' HE was disappointed NOW - it's obvious to you as you write it because you know that he gave you his room key, but the reader is left to draw the conclusion - it's confusing. And oh, hey, just for the fun of it, why not make it two sentences? (*big, shit-eating grin*) Remember what I said about varying the length of sentences - that's just me passing on info from the 'greats'.
"...OTIS trifecta(,)
There is a secret to map reading - seriously.
N
W E
S
LOL. I'm great at reading maps. Take me with you next time. (Police dispatcher when I was a kid just out of college. You'd BETTER be good at map-reading!) :)
Your Betty Boop pj's win over my Peanuts nightshirt... :( LOL. But only because my nightshirt is on its very, very, very last legs. (Can you spell 'rag'?)
What a horrible ending. (LOL) I mean that in the best way possible.
Not a six in sight, though of course this deserves that rating. You can WRITE, Mary Wakeford! (Told you I'd pop in.) *smile*
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
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AH, Dawn, LOL, I was a little giddy to see you reviewed this and were at least popping in every now and again. Thank you so much. You are the best, and I love your comprehensive and astute reviews. Thanks for the catches, I've made the corrections. Thanks for saving my bacon again :)
A road trip with Dawn...omg...imagine the potential storytelling from that!! Bruni gets the NSEW, it's just whizzing in a car at 60 mph, she's afraid of missing the wrong off ramp and ending up in Canada HAHAHAHA Almost happened on a California freeway once as Ferrari's were passing at 95mph :)
Thank you for the virtual six, they are almost as good as the real thing! Have an amazing weekend!
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LOL. You're most welcome. :)