My African home
A free verse poem.3 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
I love this, dear. Your home sounds lovely--I want to visit! Pristine and idyllic. Lucky dogs and you!
Good descriptive quality, fine flow and voicing. just one place with spaggy flow issues:
Steady winds, graceful eagles fly,
ride warm currents, put on a show.
Consider using gerunds (not always optimal but in this case the flow of it feels more like what it describes):
Steady winds, graceful eagles flying,
riding warm currents, putting on a show.
The choppy cadence of your original lines is in contrast to the subject and theme, iMHO.
Loved this tone and tenor. Fine presentation too. What a wonderful place to live!
Love and hugs,
rd
PS
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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I love this, dear. Your home sounds lovely--I want to visit! Pristine and idyllic. Lucky dogs and you!
Good descriptive quality, fine flow and voicing. just one place with spaggy flow issues:
Steady winds, graceful eagles fly,
ride warm currents, put on a show.
Consider using gerunds (not always optimal but in this case the flow of it feels more like what it describes):
Steady winds, graceful eagles flying,
riding warm currents, putting on a show.
The choppy cadence of your original lines is in contrast to the subject and theme, iMHO.
Loved this tone and tenor. Fine presentation too. What a wonderful place to live!
Love and hugs,
rd
PS
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thanks for the helpful review and I see what you mean, much better. Thanks for being a fan, I will be your fan too, Namaste, judester
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Yay! Namaste, dear.
Comment from Justin Yhoung
What a beautiful post--vibrant, full of imagery. What a scene you have experienced, what a place to have called home! Thank you for this gift, this insight into another world!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2016
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What a beautiful post--vibrant, full of imagery. What a scene you have experienced, what a place to have called home! Thank you for this gift, this insight into another world!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2016
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Hi Justin, thanks for the review and welcome to fanstory. My husband and I are Canadians, but have been living in Tanzanai for 20 years. We are at Lake Duluti an old crater lake. You can see my house on the edge with google earth. We are now working on antipoaching with drones to save the elephants here. Cheers, j
Comment from rjuselius
this is a delightful piece of poetry dear anonymous! i've lived six years in kenya and this makes me recall all from that time. your description is very vivid and it holds true to heart. an excellent entry my friend!
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2016
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this is a delightful piece of poetry dear anonymous! i've lived six years in kenya and this makes me recall all from that time. your description is very vivid and it holds true to heart. an excellent entry my friend!
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 31-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2016
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Thanks for the encouraging review Rebekka. We are at Lake Duluti just outside of Arusha. We live on a nature reserve so only acouple houses. You can see my house on the edge of the cliff with google earth. Cheers, j
