Comment from Treischel

Excellent

I love the sentiment as you express it here in this free verse poem. Tge dead end street, the blinding light, are very strong images. I'd be interested in how you define the essence of this Saphic verse.

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2016

Hi Tom, sorry for the late reply here. I wrote the original poem and Pantygynt thought we should make it a new form of poetry. Called Sapphonic because of the similarity to Sappho's brief bits of incredible poetry.

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Awesome ekphrastic free verse. The lighting in the artwork is amazing. Exquisite. I love the closing line with blinding night (inner light, perhaps?)

NICE DEPICTION with fine phonetics with consonance and alliteration of W and T and S:

This dead-end road
where the wind sighs and
snowflakes swirl and
tall trees keep watch.


Lovely closing note:

Vesper, draw the shades of evening;
let us walk on
into the blinding night.

This captures a mood and flavor so well.

Love,
rd

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016

Thank you, my dear. I actually found the artwork after I wrote the poem - but I LOVE the painting and thought that it fit perfectly. This has evolved into a new form (Pantygynt's idea) that we're calling the Sapphonic Triad. Maybe you saw that already.

I think that the blinding night is that inner light that leads us to death and peace.
love,
Carol

reply by rama devi on 24-Oct-2016

Ah yes--I saw a few of these today.

That was exactly my interpretation! I work with the dying, you know--and the transition has a vortex of subtle light--of bliss...


Love, rd

Comment from Irish Rain

Excellent

I just LOVE what your mother said. Also love this poem. 'This is the end of the world'...could mean....'nothing more to look forward to,' OR....'it doesn't get better'...depending on the reader. I think the latter. Glad you found 'Sappho'....beautiful. Blessings...

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Thank you, my poor mom has Alz. Disease so she could have just meant it was a dead-end road...but who knows? It was a pithy comment, for sure. She is and always has been amazing. Sappho is beyond description... thanks so much for reading my poem! Carol

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

No you were talking about my town which I call the Last Resort...and now you have given inspiration to walk down the road to California once again. Oh right..I have a car. Spoils the poem though.
The poem is very nice and I love this style.

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

I decided that the poem is about death...for me. For the reader, it can be about whatever they want :)

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Very nicely done, Carol. I am no expert on poetic writing, but this seems very original both in thought and construction. There is a lot ofd truth in "the end of the world" theory, you know. Look at all the things that appear to be happening around us from weather to violence. How long can it last this way? Good thought-provoking write, my friend. Blessings. Bob

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Thank you, I know it's a bit mysterious without the background material. But one feels compelled to write, and there's no reason to fight the muse... :)

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Nice to see poetry being used with artwork as well the themes and stories behind, woven into our imaginations.
One of the good things derived from being here at FS, we learn an awful amount.
Nicely done.
Have a wonderful day.
My best wishes.
RG

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Thanks so much, Roy. I learn an awful lot just reading about things I'm wanting to include in my poems, I hardly have time to write - lol. Life is one long, wonderful education :))
My best to you as well!
Carol

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A beautifully short, but yet stunning piece of writing. Sometimes we take a long time, and many verses to say what we can in just. When I was young, my teachers informed me my answers to question were unnecessarily long and flowery, when they were looking for information I didn't really know! Well done, Carol, lovely! Blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Lol, the long answers in an attempt to hide the lack of knowledge! I love it - and I remember doing that myself. I'm glad you appreciated this, Roy :)
Carol

reply by royowen on 23-Oct-2016

Most welcome Carol

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

I live on an dead end street baring my name and it is said, Dead end. LOL. Love the photo. Yep, Mom was right. Thanks for sharing .

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

She has remarkable insight, in spite of having dementia. I have to remind myself to watch out for the interesting things she says. Love my mom! Thanks, Ben :)) Carol

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

I wonder if your copy of Sappho is the same one that I bought yesterday whilst browsing in my favorite bookshop? A new translation by Mary Barnard. I'm loving it! One that particularly caught my eye was:

You are the herdsmen of the evening,

Hesperus, you herd
homeward whatever
Dawn's light dispersed

You herd sheep -
herd goats - herd children
home to their mothers

It provided me with the first line of my latest poem. I had thought to emulate the style but ended up writing a rather turgid piece of blank verse instead!

The central part of your poem is absolutely beautiful and, oh so sad.
"This dead-end road
where the wind sighs and
snowflakes swirl and
tall trees keep watch."

It is just the kind of thing I would have aimed at if I'd had the skill to write a Sapphic!

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Yes, that's the same book I have, it's fantastic! I had picked out that verse you quoted as one of my favorites.
Also, "She shouts aloud, Come! We know it;
thousand-eared night repeats that cry
Across the sea shining between us."
So inspiring. Gynt and I have invented a new form based on this - keep an eye out for it- the Sapphoric Triad :)

reply by tfawcus on 22-Oct-2016

Tell me more about the Sapphoric Triad! I should like to try it.
By the way, have you read Gynt's latest, about the Aberfan disaster. One of his very best, I think.

reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Okay, here's what Gynt suggested after he saw my poem: I smell a new form here- a "Sapphonic Triad". A two line quotation (Free verse but max total of sixteen syllables) followed by a quatrain, four lines each of four syllables, and finally an 8-4-6 syllable envoi that moves us on somewhere.

So that's the form. I have a selection ready to post, including another one of mine, and one that Gynt wrote. :))

Comment from barkingdog

Exceptional

I cannot express the emotion I felt while reading this. The end of the road being the end of the world, the trees watching and Vesper drawing the shades of evening.
Reality and mythology combined in one marvelous visual with a final invitation to 'walk... into the blinding light'.

Awesome piece. Awesome.
:) e

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Yes! I feel like you saw inside my mind exactly as I felt writing this! I have this need to express something, and I can't always quite pin it down in my mind...and stuff like this comes out. I love it that you just GET it. I'm thankful for you :)) Carol

reply by barkingdog on 22-Oct-2016

I'm glad I do. What a shame it would be to not 'get it.'

Smiles and hugs,
:) ellen