Comment from RoostyNester

Excellent

A very nicely written kyrielle sonnet poem. No one can help who they fall in love with. And you hope from the beginning, that the love will last forever. Your poem gives the misery of a broken heart, seeking to be mended. Well done in style and verse.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016

Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments, they are greatly appreciated. Blessings........Portia

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

I can see how the image inspired you to write this sonnet. It is enjoyable to read and many will resonate with the sentiments of it. I like the repeating lines

I lay on the edge of this cold stone ledge
To purge, the love for you out of my heart


Good luck in the contest. Mary

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016

Jackarrie,

Thanks so much for your review, very kind comments and best wishes, they are greatly appreciated. Blessings........Portia

Comment from Pantygynt

Good

Most of the kyrielle sonnets I have seen use rhyming couplets, but as i understand it alternate rhyme is perfectly acceptable. The same latitude is not given to meter, which should be iambic pentameter throughout though some metrical substitution is allowed. Eleven syllables are acceptable in case of feminine endings.

"you rushed in my life, deceit you did impart"

In feminine rhyme the natural and metered stress is on the first syllable as in the word "gladly" for example. Impart definitely places the natural stress on the second syllable. There are several places here where the natural stress and DUM-da stresses of the meter are at loggerheads. For example:

"Then left me alone, with tears in my eyes" The natural stress in the word "alone" is on the second syllable but the requirements of the meter place the stress on the first syllable.

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 Comment Written 20-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016

Pantygynt,

Thanks so much for your thorough and honest review. I just don't understand why I am having problems with using the correct meter as required. This is my first time penning a Sonnet of any kind. I am not going to let it be my last. I worked on this a few days before releasing. I have made some corrections, however; I feel they are still not correct. Yet, I remain determine to get it right. What is easy for some, can be hard for others....I fall in the others category............Portia

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written Kyrielle Sonnet. When we live with our whole heart it is most devastating when the love relationship goes wrong.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016

Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments. Blessings...................Portia

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

A most amazing pucture that speaks volumes just like each line of this great poem I can so relate. So many today feel they are laying upon a rock that soon will falter. The best read of this day yet.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016

Thanks so much for your review, and very kind comments they are greatly appreciated. Blessings..............Portia

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

Just don't jump. He's not worth it.

True love will come... for healing lies ahead
-all memories of you will soon depart

There is always hope for a brighter future.

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 Comment Written 20-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016

Tom,

I won't jump I promise, thanks so much for your review. Blessings................Portia