Comment from judiverse

Excellent

This is a great fable, and very sophisticated, even with its southern setting. I'm so old the Two for the Price of One funeral has me seriously thinking. Great characters and atmosphere. I sympathize about the overripe peaches, as I just got some from Harry and David's establishment. Really funny moral in this. Congratulations on your well-deserved contest prize. May you have many more wins to come. judi

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2016

Thank you, Judi, for your wonderful review!

Comment from nor84

Excellent

I wanted to give you a heads-up. The contest rules require the last sentence start with And the moral of the story is.

This entry dropped the And, changed 'the' to 'this' and the last sentence starts with Or.

Good story, but it does break the requirements.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2016

Thank you, nor! I had rushed to make the deadline, intending to make some changes to the ending, afterward, which I have done. The entry should be in compliance now.
I appreciate your helping hand!
Cheers!

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

You didn't disappoint. The punster in you delivered a word play punchline for the fable that was so corny, it was funny:'Don't look for a thrift hearse in the South.'

Your story reads so eloquently as you lay out the characters and the circumstances by which Sean ended up hearseless. The fable elements were delivered like the serious work of some sage, southern storyteller giving it to the people in a language and style suited to the importance and circumstance of the great south.

However the acquisition of 'a 1960 Cadillac hearse (even a fragrant one)... a collectors item worth a small fortune.' all seemed so underwhelming after the build up. But, of course that was your intent. Your punchline needed a real old fashioned 'raspberry' Blaaah! for the fable to give the impact you were aiming for when the fable's wisdom is presented.

There's some super language used in this, but I found your italicised word help distracting. The notes below are plenty.

This is a great entry. I wish you luck.

A few suggestions:
a beginner"s mistake ... beginner's

(Or 'Don't expect a better appraisal to a lesser contemporary fable.' ... close the brackets.

a collectors item ... collector's item (possessive)

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2016

Thanks for the heads-ups, M!! I've cleaned up the spags, and eliminated the alternative moral entirely. Actually, I rushed a bit before posting the entry, in order to beat the deadline, intending to finish up later. You got to it before I revisited it. I wasn't satisfied with the ending, either (good eye!) but I am now. I think maybe you'll approve, if you have time to check it out.

I'm not sure what you meant by "italicized word help" that you found distracting. The astericks that indicate words that are in the glossary? I've used glossaries a few times before, and some folks have thanked me for it, but I think there must be others who may get discouraged, and stop reading after encountering some words they're not familiar with.

I haven't attached an illustration because, believe it or not, I couldn't find a good enough "loser' type, or a cartoon hearse that I liked, etc. I can't decide if I will keep looking.

Thanks again forr your input, M, and feel free to hop back in.

Cheers!

Comment from damommy

Excellent

This is outstanding! Loved every minute of reading it.

Very funny, and the moral is a riot!

Having worked as a funeral director, I can certainly relate to the crisis of being hearseless. I got it about the name. 8-)

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2016

Thank you so much, Damommy, for your wonderful compliments! It's so rewarding to get such an appreciative review!

I'll bet you are the only one to get that little name thingee.

Cheers!