Comment from winnona

Excellent

A well-written Fable contest entry. Your story flowed easily from beginning to end. Your beautiful bird character was very realistic. I think you have done well completing the contest.

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review winnona, I often feel sorry for those girls whose world revolves around their outer beauty, cheers, j

Comment from Spiritual Echo

Excellent

Rather than begin a new sentence in the first paragraph. from a technical point this might work better using a semi-colon.

Sally believed she had everything; a good home etc.

I think the moral could be stronger,

Here's my suggestion.

In a heartbeat, Sally no longer had the ability to preen, her beauty accessories had no impact. She molted, and as she found out without her feathers, she was a shallow shell.

The moral of the story is--Birds of a feather , stick together.

 Comment Written 07-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review and advice. I love the little lessons in each one. In Tanzania, the women wear a cloth around their waist and each one has a sentence, similar to a fable, with a little gem of insight. I love reading them. One would say, love is the flavor of the wedding feast. Great conversation starters, ha ha, cheers judester

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Brief, to the point and sadly true for many who are seduced by those who market bodily perfection as the ultimate goal. For some, their greatest tragedy is to be beautiful.

 Comment Written 07-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Oct-2016

Well said, I feel sorry for people who waste their talent and time on such trivial pursuits. Cheers, j

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I enjoyed your fable. You did a great job with the prompt. Your length is just right. Your story is short & to the point. How sad that in the end no one was there for her. But look at all those she stepped on to get to the top. No wonder no one cared about her. Good job with your moral. Great picture, too.

Best wishes in the contest. Jan

 Comment Written 07-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Oct-2016

I was thinking of these girls that are so perfectly put together, but have nothing to offer beyond their outside beauty. tsk. How we learn from these little fables, Thanks for the review and have a great week end. Cheers, j

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

You did a great job with this prompt. You packed the right amount of 'story;' into the short piece and the moral at the end is fully realised and justified.

Good stuff
GMG

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review. So many needful lessons to learn from these simple fables. Cheers, j

Comment from Heidi M

Excellent

Good job coming up with a story for the fable.
You described Sally's approach to life, emphasizing her vanity. When her physical beauty was no more, she discovered she had no real friends. Sad story.
Two suggestions for your consideration:
'She mingled with others, but remained aloof. She merely tolerated their presence'. OR 'She mingled with others, but remaining aloof, she would merely tolerate their presence.'
'...there were none (who) genuinely cared...'
Nice job choosing a picture to match your fable.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review and helpful advice, I agree and it does reads better. i was just thinking of these girls that are so shallow, ah ah ah...kardashian,,,, gesundheit. They have a platform and audience to so many young girls and should really be sending out a more powerful and healthy message, instead of endless scanty selfies and bling. Cheers, j