My Childish Views
Modified Rondeau Redouble28 total reviews
Comment from Frank Malley
In questioning the endless failure of humanity to create a more elevated existence, Mr. Cahill has undertaken a huge task. He attempts this challenge to us all by stanzas that question and describe and so so by using the sonic word choices that poets tend to prefer. He identifies by words ideas and dilemmas that are the inevitable curse of having a conscience.
This excellent poem does contain missteps, however. 'Giggles' is too silly a word to do the Wordsworthian duty it needs to accomplish herein.
In line 8, I think he intends 'there mate.'
In line 24 (I think) there is an ambiguity, and I don't think it's one that enchances the sense of the poem. Is it "the child" or "the hope" that appears? In addition to these criticisms, this poem statements about trials and failures of humanity. I opine that it is examples of trials and failures that bring newness and power to literature, not the ability to do analysis. (Line 28 should be 'mountain's', possessive.
  |
In questioning the endless failure of humanity to create a more elevated existence, Mr. Cahill has undertaken a huge task. He attempts this challenge to us all by stanzas that question and describe and so so by using the sonic word choices that poets tend to prefer. He identifies by words ideas and dilemmas that are the inevitable curse of having a conscience.
This excellent poem does contain missteps, however. 'Giggles' is too silly a word to do the Wordsworthian duty it needs to accomplish herein.
In line 8, I think he intends 'there mate.'
In line 24 (I think) there is an ambiguity, and I don't think it's one that enchances the sense of the poem. Is it "the child" or "the hope" that appears? In addition to these criticisms, this poem statements about trials and failures of humanity. I opine that it is examples of trials and failures that bring newness and power to literature, not the ability to do analysis. (Line 28 should be 'mountain's', possessive.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2023
Comment from Joan E.
I missed this poem four years ago, but it is so timely now during these challenging times. I admired your use of the Rondeau Redouble and your rhymes. Hope and faith are not just "ancient souvenirs" if we listen to our "hearts of pioneers". Well done- Joan
 |
I missed this poem four years ago, but it is so timely now during these challenging times. I admired your use of the Rondeau Redouble and your rhymes. Hope and faith are not just "ancient souvenirs" if we listen to our "hearts of pioneers". Well done- Joan
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
Comment from Lee Barnett
Erudite, Scholarly. Misuse of apostrophes to show possession is there a couple of times. You ask the universal question. Why can't we change the world? And you appeal to the child of hope within each of us. Good writing.
|
Erudite, Scholarly. Misuse of apostrophes to show possession is there a couple of times. You ask the universal question. Why can't we change the world? And you appeal to the child of hope within each of us. Good writing.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
Comment from Frank De layna
The child brings hope when it appears is written twice within the poem. But it is well done as poems go. Poetry is not my best writing. I am glad to see poems like yours that have some semblance to poetry with its traits. There are so many writers out there that call their works poetry when they are mere verbiage. Good reading,
Thank you.
|
The child brings hope when it appears is written twice within the poem. But it is well done as poems go. Poetry is not my best writing. I am glad to see poems like yours that have some semblance to poetry with its traits. There are so many writers out there that call their works poetry when they are mere verbiage. Good reading,
Thank you.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2017
Comment from krys123
Good morning to you Mikey;
-this modified double rondeau is very well written and very captivating with your thoughts and ideas on the world through your eyes as being such in a reckless state that we are bound to doom the freedom change our ways.
-Superb and exceptional rhyming and rhythm that shares a common denominator in helping the enjambment flow smoothly throughout the writing without a hiccup.
And the rhyming and rhythm in itself are both perfectly written to take on this challenge.
-The picture is very appropriate and superbly relative to the conceptual theme of the writing.
-Thank you for sharing Mikey and take care and have a good one.
Alex
|
Good morning to you Mikey;
-this modified double rondeau is very well written and very captivating with your thoughts and ideas on the world through your eyes as being such in a reckless state that we are bound to doom the freedom change our ways.
-Superb and exceptional rhyming and rhythm that shares a common denominator in helping the enjambment flow smoothly throughout the writing without a hiccup.
And the rhyming and rhythm in itself are both perfectly written to take on this challenge.
-The picture is very appropriate and superbly relative to the conceptual theme of the writing.
-Thank you for sharing Mikey and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 03-Oct-2016
Comment from Neonewman
Another stunning piece Mikey! I do enjoy reviewing your work. I love the fact that half the time you are not afraid to speak your mind freely, with a hint of comedy. I particularly enjoyed these lines "The sand is jeweled with heads that hide in fear,
as ev'ry demon's dream's let through the gate.
We're sunning on the beach with hapless cheer:"
God bless!
Steve
|
Another stunning piece Mikey! I do enjoy reviewing your work. I love the fact that half the time you are not afraid to speak your mind freely, with a hint of comedy. I particularly enjoyed these lines "The sand is jeweled with heads that hide in fear,
as ev'ry demon's dream's let through the gate.
We're sunning on the beach with hapless cheer:"
God bless!
Steve
Comment Written 03-Oct-2016
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
The mikey version of a rondeau redouble is a very nice variation of the traditional one. A superb poem with great questions that haunt me as well. Why can't there be some easy answers to make the world a better place? Our priorities are all messed up. Well written, my friend~Debbie
|
The mikey version of a rondeau redouble is a very nice variation of the traditional one. A superb poem with great questions that haunt me as well. Why can't there be some easy answers to make the world a better place? Our priorities are all messed up. Well written, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 03-Oct-2016
Comment from Dean Kuch
Why can't we change this world, is it too late? ... Funny you should ask that, Michael. In my humble opinion, however; yes, it is far too late.
As I've stated to others whose Rondeau Redoubles poetry I've also reviewed for the Potlatch Challenge group:
I wouldn't know a Rondeau Redouble if one walked up to me and bit me on the ass. However, I DO know what I like, and I'd like to think I know enough by now when a poem reads well and has incorporated a smooth flow when read aloud.
This piece qualifies on both accounts in my book.
~Dean
|
Why can't we change this world, is it too late? ... Funny you should ask that, Michael. In my humble opinion, however; yes, it is far too late.
As I've stated to others whose Rondeau Redoubles poetry I've also reviewed for the Potlatch Challenge group:
I wouldn't know a Rondeau Redouble if one walked up to me and bit me on the ass. However, I DO know what I like, and I'd like to think I know enough by now when a poem reads well and has incorporated a smooth flow when read aloud.
This piece qualifies on both accounts in my book.
~Dean
Comment Written 02-Oct-2016
Comment from Susan Chetcuti
Another fine piece of poetry. The reason I love your work is because I don't just quickly read it. Because your writing is so unique, every line has to be really thought about in getting the meaning. Which to me is a good thing. I ponder on it and then it's like it hits the heart. I loved the verse a hero lies within. I enjoyed it very much.
|
Another fine piece of poetry. The reason I love your work is because I don't just quickly read it. Because your writing is so unique, every line has to be really thought about in getting the meaning. Which to me is a good thing. I ponder on it and then it's like it hits the heart. I loved the verse a hero lies within. I enjoyed it very much.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2016
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your poem so much, I read it twice. I really enjoyed the flow so I would say your version is better. LOl Thank you for sharing.
|
I enjoyed reading your poem so much, I read it twice. I really enjoyed the flow so I would say your version is better. LOl Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2016
