Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Rest Stop"Free verse poems
28 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
you start out with such amazing poetry:
The silent river glides as if intent
on mirroring the quiet, sylvan verge
of mottled gold and green, and earthen scent
of airborne autumn wine. The senses urge,
as breezes nod assent, to find delight
in gentle laurel branch and smooth madrone,
and in the sky that shines a pearly light
on water roaming over mossy stones.
that I'm not sure you can deliver... how can you get better than that?
but you do!
these next two:
A playful puff of wind between the trees
disturbs the river's smoothly still descent,
and whiffled ripples trigger memories
so long suppressed, well-kept with bare consent:
an echoed laughter, fondly gazing eyes;
the shelter of a nodding, speckled shade.
The Eel reflects the Wedgwood summer skies
of moments past; so all of time is made.
Now, wander to the river's rocky edge;
her steady flow in deepest hints of jade
is coursed with eddies, tucked beneath a ledge
be-wisped with flowers; ferns in tiny blades.
The chestnut camouflage looms close behind
where forest creatures peer, although unseen.
They watch the human sit, as if enshrined,
in perfect peace as copper shadows gleam.
are just perfection! I'm so sorry I don't have a six, these poems in this booth are incredible, and this is one of my favs too...
But gather moments now, a strange bouquet
of all that's passed before, and call it life--
a time that runs as smooth as summer's day
or as November storms; a current rife
with torment, trouble, swiftly flowing dross
and cataracts, or deep be-clouded pools.
Each memory is caught and never lost
but clustered close as semi-precious jewels.
Gorgeous! I love this. WEll done, Carol, and congratulations on your nomination. I'm honored to be in the same booth with you.
Hugs
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2016
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you start out with such amazing poetry:
The silent river glides as if intent
on mirroring the quiet, sylvan verge
of mottled gold and green, and earthen scent
of airborne autumn wine. The senses urge,
as breezes nod assent, to find delight
in gentle laurel branch and smooth madrone,
and in the sky that shines a pearly light
on water roaming over mossy stones.
that I'm not sure you can deliver... how can you get better than that?
but you do!
these next two:
A playful puff of wind between the trees
disturbs the river's smoothly still descent,
and whiffled ripples trigger memories
so long suppressed, well-kept with bare consent:
an echoed laughter, fondly gazing eyes;
the shelter of a nodding, speckled shade.
The Eel reflects the Wedgwood summer skies
of moments past; so all of time is made.
Now, wander to the river's rocky edge;
her steady flow in deepest hints of jade
is coursed with eddies, tucked beneath a ledge
be-wisped with flowers; ferns in tiny blades.
The chestnut camouflage looms close behind
where forest creatures peer, although unseen.
They watch the human sit, as if enshrined,
in perfect peace as copper shadows gleam.
are just perfection! I'm so sorry I don't have a six, these poems in this booth are incredible, and this is one of my favs too...
But gather moments now, a strange bouquet
of all that's passed before, and call it life--
a time that runs as smooth as summer's day
or as November storms; a current rife
with torment, trouble, swiftly flowing dross
and cataracts, or deep be-clouded pools.
Each memory is caught and never lost
but clustered close as semi-precious jewels.
Gorgeous! I love this. WEll done, Carol, and congratulations on your nomination. I'm honored to be in the same booth with you.
Hugs
Comment Written 05-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much, Cat. I still have to check out the other entries, we just got back from a long trip and I'm so busy trying to get caught up. Don't you love lazy vacations when we have lots of time to write? ((Sigh)).
I'm so glad you liked this one and enjoyed the little sojourn on the Eel River -- it is just like I described, even better!
Hugs,
Carol
Comment from jlsavell
Ciliverde, your work never disappoints. It's captivating, enthralling, exquisitely crafted. One of the most beautiful and alluring poems I have ever read. Wow, just double wow. Incredible. You and HayleySolomon are very well accomplished. Take that to the bank. I am very honored and humbled to be nominated beside such a high calibre poetess as you.
Jimi
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2016
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Ciliverde, your work never disappoints. It's captivating, enthralling, exquisitely crafted. One of the most beautiful and alluring poems I have ever read. Wow, just double wow. Incredible. You and HayleySolomon are very well accomplished. Take that to the bank. I am very honored and humbled to be nominated beside such a high calibre poetess as you.
Jimi
Comment Written 04-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2016
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Hi, I just looked at the booth and realized the votes are all in - congratulations on your win! I confess I have not looked at any of the poems there yet - but I will. Thanks for the comments!
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
Thanks for the alert since I might have missed this lovely ballad without your note. I am happy to help give this work the recognition it deserves. I appreciated your notes and glossary as well. You succeeded in capturing the style of the greats, and I enjoyed your rhymes and images like "airborne autumn wine" plus your use of alliteration. To life! -Joan
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2016
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Thanks for the alert since I might have missed this lovely ballad without your note. I am happy to help give this work the recognition it deserves. I appreciated your notes and glossary as well. You succeeded in capturing the style of the greats, and I enjoyed your rhymes and images like "airborne autumn wine" plus your use of alliteration. To life! -Joan
Comment Written 30-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much Joan! I hope you got points for the review although I'm afraid the promotion might have ended. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem about a lovely spot in Humboldt County. Yes, to life! :))
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Being transported to the beautiful spot in Humbodlt was reward enough. Smiles- Joan
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That's Humboldt! -j
Comment from sandy montgomery
Lovely picturesque ballad. Flows elegantly. Lyrical and beautiful. What a gorgeous description. Makes me want to see this for myself. Thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2016
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Lovely picturesque ballad. Flows elegantly. Lyrical and beautiful. What a gorgeous description. Makes me want to see this for myself. Thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2016
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It is indeed a lovely and peaceful spot. Thanks for reading :)) Carol
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Carol. This is so well done:
"The silent river glides, as if intent
on mirroring the quiet, sylvan verge
of mottled gold and green; and earthen scent
of airborne autumn wine. The senses urge,
as breezes nod assent......."
Your images are so beautiful throughut the entire poem. Bravo!
Good job, my friend. Bob (Wish I had six stars left for you)
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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Hi, Carol. This is so well done:
"The silent river glides, as if intent
on mirroring the quiet, sylvan verge
of mottled gold and green; and earthen scent
of airborne autumn wine. The senses urge,
as breezes nod assent......."
Your images are so beautiful throughut the entire poem. Bravo!
Good job, my friend. Bob (Wish I had six stars left for you)
Comment Written 27-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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Thanks, Bob, I can only hope to approximate that incredibly beautiful and peaceful place on the river :)) Carol
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I have a real fondness for this style of poetry - maybe because I grew up in Wordsworth country! It's very romantic, and best encapsulates, in my opinion, the beauty of the countryside. I love 'Wedgwood summer skies'. What a sweet change from the norm! I also love the idea of hidden creatures watching the human. It's enchanting, Carol.
Enjoyed this very much!
Av
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
|
I have a real fondness for this style of poetry - maybe because I grew up in Wordsworth country! It's very romantic, and best encapsulates, in my opinion, the beauty of the countryside. I love 'Wedgwood summer skies'. What a sweet change from the norm! I also love the idea of hidden creatures watching the human. It's enchanting, Carol.
Enjoyed this very much!
Av
Comment Written 27-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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Oh, I remember you telling me that you lived in WW country - how wonderful!! I can imagine the air is still exalted from his having lived and breathed there - lol. I'd LOVE to go there someday. Anyway, I'm glad you liked this one, and that you appreciate my effort to find unusual words :)) Carol
Comment from dragonpoet
These words give a strong image of what the river looks like at this point. Seems like a perfect place to a peaceful moment of rest. This also is a good metaphor for aging.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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These words give a strong image of what the river looks like at this point. Seems like a perfect place to a peaceful moment of rest. This also is a good metaphor for aging.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 27-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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It's such a peaceful and magical spot - and, I think, nice to tie larger themes in with the nature poems :)) Carol
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I agree with you about tying larger ideas in with creation.
dp
Comment from barkingdog
When you see something this beautiful and think of how many others from centuries past many have stood where you stand, it must evoke in the poet(you) such a marvelous series of iambic pentameter verses.
You were surly inspired when writing this, Carol.
:) ellen
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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When you see something this beautiful and think of how many others from centuries past many have stood where you stand, it must evoke in the poet(you) such a marvelous series of iambic pentameter verses.
You were surly inspired when writing this, Carol.
:) ellen
Comment Written 27-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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I've stopped at that spot often, driving through northern California on my way to various places - it's so special. If this place can't get the muse going, nothing can!! Thanks, Ellen :))
Comment from William Ross
very nicely done on the ballet great rhyming pattern has wonderful meter and flows great. Nice job on rest stop near the river. Have a wonderful day.
reply by Dean Kuch on 29-Sep-2016
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very nicely done on the ballet great rhyming pattern has wonderful meter and flows great. Nice job on rest stop near the river. Have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2016
reply by Dean Kuch on 29-Sep-2016
Comment from rama devi
Oh wow. What exquisite descriptiveness and delicious phonetics! Superb flow and phrasing. Masterful work. It has room for a tweak or two, but I've no hesitation to offer this a six. Enjoyed it immensely. Read it four times! Delightful! Inspired!
Especially loved reading these lines aloud with the assonance of O in roaming sounding like internal rhyme with madrone and stones (great rhyme and slant rhymes)! Love the personification phrase of breezes nodding assent and water roaming. Love it!
as breezes nod assent, to find delight
in gentle laurel branch and smooth madrone,
and in the sky that shines a pearly light
on water roaming over mossy stones.
Love the phrase here with consonance of V:
sylvan verge
and the alliterative:
airborne autumn wine
Just a couple of spag suggestions:
The silent river glides,(no ,) as if intent
on mirroring the quiet, sylvan verge
of mottled gold and green;(,) and earthen scent
of airborne autumn wine. The senses urge,
nice playful alliterative personification:
A playful puff of wind between the trees
superb medley of S sounds here, plus alliteration of D and R, consonance of T and assonance of soft I plus great rhymes:
disturbs the river's smoothly still descent,
and whiffled ripples trigger memories
so long suppressed, well-kept with bare consent:
Lovely & eloquent:
an echoed laughter, fondly gazing eyes;
the shelter of a nodding, speckled shade.
The Eel reflects the Wedgwood summer skies
of moments past; so all of time is made.
I adored reading this stanza aloud (will not note every nuance but you know I noticed them all and relished reading it THRICE! Noted one spag):
Now, wander to the river's rocky edge;
her steady flow in deepest hints of jade
is coursed with eddies, tucked beneath a ledge
be-wisped with flowers; ferns in tiny blades.
The chestnut camouflage looms close behind
where forest creatures peer, although unseen.
They watch the human sit, as if enshrined,
in perfect peace,(no ,) as copper shadows gleam.
Wonderful personification of time and delicious phonetics and great imagery (especially monkey flowers nodding):
The future may approach, though softly shod,
along this river bend, beneath the brae;
'twill be well-met; the monkey flowers nod
in sweet accord. No human may delay
the march of time, nor learn the reason for
our passing life; the rivers ceaseless flow.
POWERFUL:
Too oft we feel regret; and may deplore
time spent and lost, and age that surely grows.
Outstanding stanza (well, erm, they ALL are!):
But gather moments now, a strange bouquet
of all that's passed before, and call it life--
a time that runs as smooth as summer's day
or as November storms; a current rife
with torment, trouble, swiftly flowing dross
and cataracts, or deep be-clouded pools.
I loved the phonetics above as much as the message, especially the medley of S sounds, assonant I and consonance of T and F and M.
The closing lines provide a superb AHA and impacting ending note:
Each memory is caught and never lost
but clustered close as semi-precious jewels.
Love this One of your best.
Hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
|
Oh wow. What exquisite descriptiveness and delicious phonetics! Superb flow and phrasing. Masterful work. It has room for a tweak or two, but I've no hesitation to offer this a six. Enjoyed it immensely. Read it four times! Delightful! Inspired!
Especially loved reading these lines aloud with the assonance of O in roaming sounding like internal rhyme with madrone and stones (great rhyme and slant rhymes)! Love the personification phrase of breezes nodding assent and water roaming. Love it!
as breezes nod assent, to find delight
in gentle laurel branch and smooth madrone,
and in the sky that shines a pearly light
on water roaming over mossy stones.
Love the phrase here with consonance of V:
sylvan verge
and the alliterative:
airborne autumn wine
Just a couple of spag suggestions:
The silent river glides,(no ,) as if intent
on mirroring the quiet, sylvan verge
of mottled gold and green;(,) and earthen scent
of airborne autumn wine. The senses urge,
nice playful alliterative personification:
A playful puff of wind between the trees
superb medley of S sounds here, plus alliteration of D and R, consonance of T and assonance of soft I plus great rhymes:
disturbs the river's smoothly still descent,
and whiffled ripples trigger memories
so long suppressed, well-kept with bare consent:
Lovely & eloquent:
an echoed laughter, fondly gazing eyes;
the shelter of a nodding, speckled shade.
The Eel reflects the Wedgwood summer skies
of moments past; so all of time is made.
I adored reading this stanza aloud (will not note every nuance but you know I noticed them all and relished reading it THRICE! Noted one spag):
Now, wander to the river's rocky edge;
her steady flow in deepest hints of jade
is coursed with eddies, tucked beneath a ledge
be-wisped with flowers; ferns in tiny blades.
The chestnut camouflage looms close behind
where forest creatures peer, although unseen.
They watch the human sit, as if enshrined,
in perfect peace,(no ,) as copper shadows gleam.
Wonderful personification of time and delicious phonetics and great imagery (especially monkey flowers nodding):
The future may approach, though softly shod,
along this river bend, beneath the brae;
'twill be well-met; the monkey flowers nod
in sweet accord. No human may delay
the march of time, nor learn the reason for
our passing life; the rivers ceaseless flow.
POWERFUL:
Too oft we feel regret; and may deplore
time spent and lost, and age that surely grows.
Outstanding stanza (well, erm, they ALL are!):
But gather moments now, a strange bouquet
of all that's passed before, and call it life--
a time that runs as smooth as summer's day
or as November storms; a current rife
with torment, trouble, swiftly flowing dross
and cataracts, or deep be-clouded pools.
I loved the phonetics above as much as the message, especially the medley of S sounds, assonant I and consonance of T and F and M.
The closing lines provide a superb AHA and impacting ending note:
Each memory is caught and never lost
but clustered close as semi-precious jewels.
Love this One of your best.
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 27-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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Hi, thank you SO much for this wonderful review. We are on an extended trip to Northern California and I spent the past four days up in Medford at a conference. Now I'm back at our house in Trinidad, trying to catch up. I really loved your comments on my poem, because I feel like my muse is finally BACK in full force! In Humboldt County, I feel inspired every time I look out the window, and with every breath of the amazingly fresh air. I had a time of several months when I didn't feel like writing poetry at all. But thankfully that seems to be over. Thanks again for your help (as usual) and support!! Love, Carol
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Yay! Welcome back, muse! Humboldt is indeed inspiring. I loved going to Heartwood up there in Garberville when I was 20~ You're so lucky to live there.
Muses do take long breaks. Mine takes months too. Then they return with fuller force...
Love,
rd