Herman and Tootsie
Budding Romance33 total reviews
Comment from MelB
This is a great story and proof that opposites attract. Fantastic descriptions and imagery which had me smiling all the way through.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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This is a great story and proof that opposites attract. Fantastic descriptions and imagery which had me smiling all the way through.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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There is nothing you could have possibly said that would have made me happier. Not everyone totally understands that I was saying that in the end it isn't the way we dress or our appearance that truly makes us attractive to some one. It's our hearts and who we really are as people. Thank you so much, MelB, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from fafa
Your history flows well and generates good adequacy to the context of the contest, it is of hoping that you should be fine in this type of situation, it makes me happy that you have shared it, a big one embraced and congratulations.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Your history flows well and generates good adequacy to the context of the contest, it is of hoping that you should be fine in this type of situation, it makes me happy that you have shared it, a big one embraced and congratulations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much, FaFa, for taking time to read my story. I wasn't too sure how this one would be excepted. I was afraid people might think I was making fun of the heavy girl and skinny guy. So far only one person took it that way. Of course that isn't how I meant it at all. People were laughing first about the air horn scaring everyone, and Tootsie's outfit second. My purpose was to show that fat and skinny or even someone's way out styles of dress have nothing to do with whether or not someone is attractive. And secondly it is meant to be a romance. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Cindy Warren
Thanks for a good laugh on a rainy day. The image of these two together is hilarious. But Herman had better be careful of his snuggle buddy. He could find hiself squashed flat! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Thanks for a good laugh on a rainy day. The image of these two together is hilarious. But Herman had better be careful of his snuggle buddy. He could find hiself squashed flat! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Yes, they need a "Snuggle with Caution," sign about the bed. Thank you so much, Cindy Warren, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I'm glad you liked it. :-)
Comment from Ulla
Very good. They were the most incompatible couple but they made it, and I'm happy it had a happy ending. I hope you will do well with this story in the contest. All best. Ulla:)
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Very good. They were the most incompatible couple but they made it, and I'm happy it had a happy ending. I hope you will do well with this story in the contest. All best. Ulla:)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I'm glad you liked it. :-)
Comment from light
I think your descriptions and dialogue were good. You painted a vivid picture of this unusual couple and the ending was a surprise.
Elaine
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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I think your descriptions and dialogue were good. You painted a vivid picture of this unusual couple and the ending was a surprise.
Elaine
Comment Written 26-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Your descriptive narrative about the trucks, horns blowing, and people standing in line was very good. It painted a clear picture in the mind's eye. The description of Herman and Tootsie also gave one a good idea of their looks. The dialogue seemed contrived in places. There was not always good transitioning from one scene to another. For example, there were several short paragraphs about Herman, and suddenly the story jumped to Tootsie.
This is supposed to be a humorous story. Unfortunately, this did not make me laugh or giggle. I did not find humor in making fun of a skinny geek, and an extremely large woman. A few times the whole restaurant laughed; first, at Herman and then at Tootsie when she entered. I could find no reason for the laughs except the appearance of Herman and Tootsie.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Your descriptive narrative about the trucks, horns blowing, and people standing in line was very good. It painted a clear picture in the mind's eye. The description of Herman and Tootsie also gave one a good idea of their looks. The dialogue seemed contrived in places. There was not always good transitioning from one scene to another. For example, there were several short paragraphs about Herman, and suddenly the story jumped to Tootsie.
This is supposed to be a humorous story. Unfortunately, this did not make me laugh or giggle. I did not find humor in making fun of a skinny geek, and an extremely large woman. A few times the whole restaurant laughed; first, at Herman and then at Tootsie when she entered. I could find no reason for the laughs except the appearance of Herman and Tootsie.
Suzanne
Comment Written 26-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Suzanne, I'm sorry you didn't find my story amusing. Maybe my writing didn't explain my intentions. The people weren't laughing at these characters because of their being fat or skinny. They laughed at their reactions to an air horn and Herman's outfit and to how inappropriately Tootsie was dressed. Until recently I weighted 440 lbs myself, so I don't make fun of anyone for things can't help or possibly can't change. I'm sorry you either didn't understand my humor or I didn't explain it very well. Their dress and reactions to the situations were supposed to be the humor. But you seem to have missed the biggest reason for my story. That people don't to look or be any particular way to be attractive to someone, and these two found love in an unexpected place. Thanks for taking time to read my story and the generous review. :-)
Comment from F. Wehr3
I thought this piece was very funny. You definitely picked some characters for this one. Best of luck in the contest. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
to see if anyone had seen them jump. --them? did you mean him?
Tootsie waddled and bumped her way to the hosting station, and gave her name, party of one.--Suggest the deletion of the comma after station. As Tootsie does three things waddled, bumped and gave.
breakfast, lunch, and dinner, eaters never seeming discouraged.--Suggest no comma after dinner.
His driver-side door opened slightly; but then, he slammed it shut and drove away.-- question as to why you used a semi-colon here. Technically it is fine just odd. A simple comma in its place would suffice because you already have a conjunction starting this sentence.
Overall, well done. I wish you luck in the contest.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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I thought this piece was very funny. You definitely picked some characters for this one. Best of luck in the contest. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
to see if anyone had seen them jump. --them? did you mean him?
Tootsie waddled and bumped her way to the hosting station, and gave her name, party of one.--Suggest the deletion of the comma after station. As Tootsie does three things waddled, bumped and gave.
breakfast, lunch, and dinner, eaters never seeming discouraged.--Suggest no comma after dinner.
His driver-side door opened slightly; but then, he slammed it shut and drove away.-- question as to why you used a semi-colon here. Technically it is fine just odd. A simple comma in its place would suffice because you already have a conjunction starting this sentence.
Overall, well done. I wish you luck in the contest.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 26-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much, Russell, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. The first sentence you pointed out I did mean, "to see if anyone had seen them jump." That sentence is referring to all the people who also jumps when the air horn went off. I always appreciate you point out my blunders, as I have many. LOL! The comma after station shouldn't be there, and I'll get it changed as soon as this contest is over. The comma after dinner isn't needed. And yes, I could have simply used a comma after "His driver-side door opened slightly, . . . I just wanted a more abrupt stop to throw more emphasis on the second part of the sentence, "but then, he slammed it shut and drove away. I'll definitely make two of the four changes, and probably all four. Thanks as always for pointing them out.
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You can edit now and any time during the contest.
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Wow, thank for the information, I had no idea. I just figured if something was in a contest it couldn't be changed during the process. Thank a million, Russell, my friend. :-)
Comment from c_lucas
A very humorous story that mocks life an some of the fixes people find themselves in. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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A very humorous story that mocks life an some of the fixes people find themselves in. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much, Charlie, for taking time to read my story. This one definitely isn't for everyone, but I'm glad you liked it. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
Nice piece of Humor Fiction, and nicer is the picture!
Impressive wording; smooth and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
On the whole interesting; All's well, that ends well.
Best of Luck!
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Hello Friend,
Nice piece of Humor Fiction, and nicer is the picture!
Impressive wording; smooth and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
On the whole interesting; All's well, that ends well.
Best of Luck!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much, RPSaxena, my friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. Reviews like this are the reason we write, hoping to touch, entertain, or put a smile on their face. You have made my day. Who am I kidding, you've probably made my week! I appreciate you! :-)
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Most Welcome! You got what you really deserve, my friend.
~RP
Comment from barkingdog
I enjoyed your story of two of the most unlikely people meeting and falling in love.
There were funny parts, but mostly I saw it as a new beginning for two lonely people who fate brought together for more than breakfast.
Good luck in the contest.
:) ellen
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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I enjoyed your story of two of the most unlikely people meeting and falling in love.
There were funny parts, but mostly I saw it as a new beginning for two lonely people who fate brought together for more than breakfast.
Good luck in the contest.
:) ellen
Comment Written 25-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much, Ellen, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I write hoping to touch, entertain, or put a smile on someone's face to take their mind off whatever for a minute or two. Size and looks only go so far toward making someone attractive, so without a little substance behind the appearance, you don't have much. I guess what I'm saying is there is someone out there for everyone. Or at least those who wouldn't rather be alone. I appreciate you. :-)
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:) e
