Poems By AnnieDawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "My Father Always Came Through"My book of poems and stories
10 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a really lovely memory to share with us. It's funny how a simple thing can mean so much to us, and how it will linger in our memories for ever. Priceless, and they are yours to keep. Good Luck in the contest, it's lovely. xx Sandra
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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That was a really lovely memory to share with us. It's funny how a simple thing can mean so much to us, and how it will linger in our memories for ever. Priceless, and they are yours to keep. Good Luck in the contest, it's lovely. xx Sandra
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Thank you for your kind comments and review.
Comment from zanya
Real tales from real lives and times always make for interesting reading - no need for embellishment or flourish - material for a much longer version here
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Real tales from real lives and times always make for interesting reading - no need for embellishment or flourish - material for a much longer version here
Comment Written 20-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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I appreciate your review. I am not a seasoned story writer so hesitant to get too much detail that may not be needed, hence the short tales. Thanks for your kind words of encouragement.
Comment from Lulube
It's amazing that you can remember those times when you were so young. I barely remember high school. lol It's great that you had such wonderful, giving parents and that you are sharing your memories with us. great deed your father did for you.
good luck in the contest
lulube
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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It's amazing that you can remember those times when you were so young. I barely remember high school. lol It's great that you had such wonderful, giving parents and that you are sharing your memories with us. great deed your father did for you.
good luck in the contest
lulube
Comment Written 20-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your great review. My parents were always a bit shocked at the amount of memory that I did retain of my early years. Have a great weekend.
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welcome, lucky you
lulube
Comment from Mary Wakeford
This is a beautifully written testament to the love of a father. His effort in seeing his little girl celebrating the wonder of Christmas is extraordinary. What a great memory for you, and act of love from your dad.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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This is a beautifully written testament to the love of a father. His effort in seeing his little girl celebrating the wonder of Christmas is extraordinary. What a great memory for you, and act of love from your dad.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your great review. My parents were always a bit shocked at the amount of memory that I did retain of my early years. Have a great weekend.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
This is a heart-warming story, Annie Dawn! Nothing is better than things that happen in real life. You can't make this stuff up! I love that your Dad would do this for you, and that it had its desired effect on you, as to this day you still vividly remember it.
This is an excellent entry for the 'Share Your Story' contest. It is well written and creates great imagery for your reader. Your write brings out an emotional response in your reader as you have aptly conveyed a great love 'twixt your family members. Your story also makes the reader grateful for what they have and happy not to be living through a time of war. Keeping those lights and putting them on a separate tree in latter years was just as heart-warming as your Dad painting the lights for you.
My favourite line is "and the site burned a spot in my memory".
Very, very nice, Annie! Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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This is a heart-warming story, Annie Dawn! Nothing is better than things that happen in real life. You can't make this stuff up! I love that your Dad would do this for you, and that it had its desired effect on you, as to this day you still vividly remember it.
This is an excellent entry for the 'Share Your Story' contest. It is well written and creates great imagery for your reader. Your write brings out an emotional response in your reader as you have aptly conveyed a great love 'twixt your family members. Your story also makes the reader grateful for what they have and happy not to be living through a time of war. Keeping those lights and putting them on a separate tree in latter years was just as heart-warming as your Dad painting the lights for you.
My favourite line is "and the site burned a spot in my memory".
Very, very nice, Annie! Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your great review. My parents were always a bit shocked at the amount of memory that I did retain of my early years. Have a great weekend.
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You have a great weekend too, Annie!
Comment from minkay6
I love your style of writing. I especially liked the part of your narrative where you wrote, "I stared at the colored lights and the sight burned a spot in my memory that will last a lifetime." What a wonderful memory of your parents, to cherish always.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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I love your style of writing. I especially liked the part of your narrative where you wrote, "I stared at the colored lights and the sight burned a spot in my memory that will last a lifetime." What a wonderful memory of your parents, to cherish always.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your review. My parents were always a bit shocked at the amount of memory that I did retain of my early years. Have a great weekend.
Comment from patcelaw
Annie, this is a wonderful story for the contest. Good luck in the contest. Parents during the years of a war not only have to go above and beyond for their children, but many have to worry about grown sons and daughters who are in the military and having to fight those wars. Patricia
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Annie, this is a wonderful story for the contest. Good luck in the contest. Parents during the years of a war not only have to go above and beyond for their children, but many have to worry about grown sons and daughters who are in the military and having to fight those wars. Patricia
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your great review. My parents were always a bit shocked at the amount of memory that I did retain of my early years. Have a great weekend.
Comment from Alex Rosel
The room was dark and I heard whispers as I lay in my bed. They were discussing Christmas. Christmas? What was that? - This is a beautiful opening paragraph. It serves well in setting the scene, and the last sentence intrigues. :-)
The second paragraph builds nicely on your opening, fleshing out the piece.
I was afraid of the noise. My parents did not seem to be afraid. - Good economy of words. Many think you need long descriptive sentences to get a point across. The simplicity you use to state this situation gives it impact.
I am not sure if the lights were not being sold or just not used but Dad was not going to have his daughter go through Christmas without them. - A comma, or two, would balance this sentence better. I'd go for I am not sure if the lights were not being sold or just not used, but Dad was not going to have his daughter go through Christmas without them, or I am not sure if the lights were not being sold, or just not used, but Dad was not going to have his daughter go through Christmas without them.
When he finished making the string of lights I do not know what he put them on to but the effect was what he wanted for I stared at the colored lights and the sight burned a spot in my memory that will last a lifetime. - Ditto. Adding punctuation would improve this.
...and they were put to rest. - A touching last sentiment. It's crafted to leave the reader with warmth. That gets a thumbs up from me.
Overall:
I enjoyed reading this. The piece kept me interested and I could tell it's based on the truth - so that shows it's well crafted with sincerity. I like your writer's voice. I hope I have the opportunity to read more of your work. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Keep writing :-)
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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The room was dark and I heard whispers as I lay in my bed. They were discussing Christmas. Christmas? What was that? - This is a beautiful opening paragraph. It serves well in setting the scene, and the last sentence intrigues. :-)
The second paragraph builds nicely on your opening, fleshing out the piece.
I was afraid of the noise. My parents did not seem to be afraid. - Good economy of words. Many think you need long descriptive sentences to get a point across. The simplicity you use to state this situation gives it impact.
I am not sure if the lights were not being sold or just not used but Dad was not going to have his daughter go through Christmas without them. - A comma, or two, would balance this sentence better. I'd go for I am not sure if the lights were not being sold or just not used, but Dad was not going to have his daughter go through Christmas without them, or I am not sure if the lights were not being sold, or just not used, but Dad was not going to have his daughter go through Christmas without them.
When he finished making the string of lights I do not know what he put them on to but the effect was what he wanted for I stared at the colored lights and the sight burned a spot in my memory that will last a lifetime. - Ditto. Adding punctuation would improve this.
...and they were put to rest. - A touching last sentiment. It's crafted to leave the reader with warmth. That gets a thumbs up from me.
Overall:
I enjoyed reading this. The piece kept me interested and I could tell it's based on the truth - so that shows it's well crafted with sincerity. I like your writer's voice. I hope I have the opportunity to read more of your work. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Keep writing :-)
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your great review and helpful comments. I have gone back and made corrections as suggested. My parents were always a bit shocked at the amount of memory that I did retain of my early years. Have a great weekend.
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Have a good weekend yourself, Dawn.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a lovely story and would have been a great entry for the Share Your Story contest. It is well penned with no SPAG to be had. You deliver the story with a depth of love and reverence that shines through just like those lights did. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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This is a lovely story and would have been a great entry for the Share Your Story contest. It is well penned with no SPAG to be had. You deliver the story with a depth of love and reverence that shines through just like those lights did. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your great review. My parents were always a bit shocked at the amount of memory that I did retain of my early years. You said "would have been a great entry". I did enter the contest. Is there some reason I was not accepted? Have a great weekend.
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Ooops - I went back to look again and yes you did enter. I must have missed the contest flag when I did the review. Good luck in the judging.
Comment from jlsavell
Annie Dawn,
Within our memory bank is a profusion of memories yet to clearly surface. Your depiction of this particular event is quite remarkable nut not unheard of. I have many of them,in which upon telling to my Grandmother, she would gasp and say " you cannot possibly remember what you just told me, you were just born.!" It was quite puzzling. I still remember those recollections as of they were yesterday.Our brains are an anomaly and yet the full depth and scope is yet to be discovered.
Wonderful memory.
Jlsavell
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Annie Dawn,
Within our memory bank is a profusion of memories yet to clearly surface. Your depiction of this particular event is quite remarkable nut not unheard of. I have many of them,in which upon telling to my Grandmother, she would gasp and say " you cannot possibly remember what you just told me, you were just born.!" It was quite puzzling. I still remember those recollections as of they were yesterday.Our brains are an anomaly and yet the full depth and scope is yet to be discovered.
Wonderful memory.
Jlsavell
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your great review. My parents were always a bit shocked at the amount of memory that I did retain of my early years. Have a great weekend.
