Comment from Lovinia

Excellent

Hi Carol

WOW! This really is outside-the-box and from a maniac's POV. The prose is right in my face, I feel the burn. Clever and creative, and I can well understand your mood when you wrote this, after watching it all happen in your job. I've experienced the ash as rain, so I know exactly what you mean here. The image selected is amazing and every bit what I envisage as I read your haibun. Australia is also a land of bush fires, often caused by dry lightning in the inner outback. Of course we have our own who start the fires on purpose. Certainly very ill people. They seem to get away with only serving a short sentence and/or community service ... what does that do? I feel for you and those who are in danger of loss of life, homes, livestock and the native flora and fauna. My mother lives next to the National Park and has been evacuated many times over the years. We've been lucky along the coast in recent years, yet so much devastation in other states.

Your senryu is powerful and in senryu personification is permitted, though not in haiku. It is recommended that 'ing' words be used sporadically. You have a few in there. eg "A greedy licking pyre" suggestion - "A greedy pyre licks." Without the 'ings' your phrasing is more immediate and in the moment. Just mentioning as I know you are a talented poet. Sometimes when writing in a hurry, I forget some of the rules. Also feature words are not supposed to be repeated ... poetic license? lol

You have all the intensity and frenzy and show us the mind of a fire-bug in true reality, not just a teen looking for a lark (as many of them are). The fire and that ash rain - all excellent. Hugs - Lovi xoxo

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016

I felt so angry and upset when I wrote this, thinking about the destruction and the terrible worry of all the people who will lose their homes. Not to mention the wildlife that will be killed.

I know it's not perfect, so making use of poetic license here - rules breaker, as always ;)

Carol

reply by Lovinia on 26-Jul-2016

Your anger at the injustice and cruelty of these people, especially with what everyone in the area is facing really gave credence to your powerful haibun.
I always enjoy a little rule breaking myself. ;) So very sad, though your work gives awareness. Also the heart behind the writer. Well done. Hugs - Lovi xoxo

Comment from Albertholden

Exceptional

This poem certainly carries a great deal of emotion. It is such a personal poem that makes this reader sense a self-destructive desire. Is it the hell of life that burns the soul of the author? Well written and filled with a desire to end it all in a Pyrrhic wave of despair.

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016

I was feeling angry and upset about the fire, which had grown to 35,000 acres as of last night. Probably more this morning. Terrible that people set these fires. I wonder if they really understand what they're doing?

"Pyrric wave of despair" - now that's poetic! Very nice :)

Carol

Comment from Treischel

Exceptional

Wow. What a stunning characterization of a crazed pyromaniac, emphasis on maniac. Your prose colored the fever of a demented mind with flame. The Haiku was stunning. It was moving a moving Haibun. Just Wow!

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016

Yes, the people who set these fires must be crazy. That's what I decided. Or else they have no conception of the heartache they will cause.

Thanks so much, Tom. I just tried to set thinking aside and write...so this is what happened!
Carol

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

Thank you for the additional context in your notes--we have had a great deal of smoke from the fire for the past three days. You certainly capture the demented mind of the arsonist. I was taken by the powerful line "winds lose their way" and the apt "my apocalypse". Here's to containment soon! -Joan

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016

They are still at 10% containment, fire 35000 acres. The weather won't change much through the end of this week. I know they are fighting hard; such a worry, with all the people and animals in harm's way, and the firefighters too.

Carol

reply by Joan E. on 26-Jul-2016

I have a friend who lives in Acton and who had to evacuate. She has heard that her house is safe and the containment is up to 25% today. Hopefully, the weather will not worsen. Sighs- Joan

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

Carol, your prose is very tight and terse and full of imagery - great job.

I also love the haiku - very well written in proper form.

:)

Teresa

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016

Thanks Teresa!

Carol

Comment from MacMhuirich

Excellent

I enjoy reading these works, the story and then the 3 line poem to finish. Great imagery in throughout. Thank you for sharing your burning post.
Bless you
john

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016

Thanks, John, the big fire here in L.A. County continues to grow, scaring people out of their wits. So far only one death...praying for everyone close to it!

Carol

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

This is , to me, an accurate description of the mind of a pyromaniac. What possible excitement can they get from distorting lives and property, and yet they do. I hope these people are caught

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

It will be interesting to see what they find out. The fire is still going crazy :(

Carol

reply by seaglass on 25-Jul-2016

My kids in Wyoming say the skies ate red over the wind river mountains. The town of Doubles is ready to evacuate. My son in Florence co. Says theirs is just starting contsinmeny

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

I absolutely love your haibun, Carol. What a different approach. So far this year we've escaped forest fires and man am I glad because the smoke smother the valley for a month.

Beautiful imagery, first person and the emotions evoked I can related to.

Fine, fine job with a wonderful haibun.

Gloria

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

I know I must have violated a few rules, but hey...after the day I had in the weather office with this going on...!

Thanks Gloria :)
Carol

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Carol. This is a very well written powerful piece from the fire starter's perspective. My suggestion would be to put in the description at the top: "Read author's note first," so reader can get the full impact of what you're trying to say. Having lived in SoCal for 12 years, I can attest (like you) how dangerous and diabolical these people are. Marilyn

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

I never thought of telling people to read the notes first. I always hope that people can figure out the gist of it first, but you never know!

hugs,
Carol

reply by BeasPeas on 24-Jul-2016

Hi Carol. The reason I suggested that is because I have seen it on other poems I've read. I misinterpreted your poem myself until I read your note, then it made perfect sense to me.

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

What did you think it meant? Just curious :)

reply by BeasPeas on 25-Jul-2016

Until I read author's note, I was completely baffled. I had an "aha" moment when I read the note.

Comment from Alan K Pease

Excellent

Not only near Los Angeles but in Canada near Fort MacMurry, Alberta. You build anticipation of the Sand Fire in an excellent fashion summarizing the event in the poem. I seem to remember a fire in the SouthWest US. that crowned and killed one team of firefighters.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

There were two fires that killed a whole crew of firefighters - the Storm King Mountain fire in Colorado, years ago, and the Yarnell Fire near Prescott AZ a couple of years ago. Scary to see how fast these things blow up...

Carol