Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Clever idea for the contest.
-Kids always seem to be
sharing their germs!
-Good format.
-Good use of rhyme.
-Witty second line.
-Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016

Thanks for your compliments, Respa! (Dad was the culprit this time.)
Best of luck to you, too!

reply by Pam (respa) on 13-Jul-2016

You are very welcome.

Comment from sage17611

Excellent

This poem made me smile. I don't know if the kid is asking the father if he gave him the flu, but kids are the culprits for germs and bacteria, lol. Good job with the syllable count, good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016

This time, it seems that Dad did it. Thanks for the compliments, Sage!
Don

Comment from jusylee72

Excellent

Definitely sounds like a family poem. These short ones are hard but wonderful. You did a great job in this hard, short format. I wish you the best.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016

Thanks again, Judy! I really appreciate your appreciation!!
Don

Comment from Bollie

Good

This is good for a 1-6-1 poem, however I do think that the middle line could have been grammatically a little better. Example " you know I have the flu ". Overall though this is a pretty good 1-6-1 poem.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016

Bobby, what part of "Do you think you gave me flu, too?" needs grammatical improvement? And why would I want to ditch the gag? I do make corrections or revisions gladly, when helpful ideas are suggested.

I noticed that you have been on FanStory for only a week, have been writing for about a year, and that you are entered in the contest, too. You may not know yet that "good" on FS usually means not so good, except, for example, when complimenting a beginner on improvement shown. And it isn't cool to lay one on the competition.

No hard feelings, and I wish you well here.

Ogden

reply by Bollie on 12-Jul-2016

I simply don't think that
" You gave me flu" is proper,
but it is true that I'm fairly new
to this so poetically speaking
it may be very appropriate. I
did tell myself before I decided
to start reviewing that I would
be honest with me opinions. If
some of my interpretations
are incorrect then I'll just have to
learn from it and grow as a result.
I've been on Fan Story for only 1
week now, but I just reviewed
my 97 th poem. I don't think that whether you are in a contest
that I am also in should either
encourage or deter me from
reviewing your poem. In closing
as I tell everyone, I wish you
The very best luck in all that
you do. Have a wonderful night.

reply by Anonymous Member on 12-Jul-2016

I simply don't think that
" You gave me flu" is proper,
but it is true that I'm fairly new
to this so poetically speaking
it may be very appropriate. I
did tell myself before I decided
to start reviewing that I would
be honest with me opinions. If
some of my interpretations
are incorrect then I'll just have to
learn from it and grow as a result.
I've been on Fan Story for only 1
week now, but I just reviewed
my 97 th poem. I don't think that whether you are in a contest
that I am also in should either
encourage or deter me from
reviewing your poem. In closing
as I tell everyone, I wish you
The very best luck in all that
you do. Have a wonderful night.

reply by Anonymous Member on 12-Jul-2016

I simply don't think that
" You gave me flu" is proper,
but it is true that I'm fairly new
to this so poetically speaking
it may be very appropriate. I
did tell myself before I decided
to start reviewing that I would
be honest with me opinions. If
some of my interpretations
are incorrect then I'll just have to
learn from it and grow as a result.
I've been on Fan Story for only 1
week now, but I just reviewed
my 97 th poem. I don't think that whether you are in a contest
that I am also in should either
encourage or deter me from
reviewing your poem. In closing
as I tell everyone, I wish you
The very best luck in all that
you do. Have a wonderful night.

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016

Don't get me wrong, Bobby, I often review entries in contests I'm also in, but I don't criticize them. In fact, I very seldom review work I dislike. Four stars is the lowest rating I've given, and those were to youngsters or beginners who needed constructive criticism.

But that's me. When you're settled in, you'll know what works best for you.

Comment from Challah1202

Excellent

Cute story. It takes the description and notes to tell the story, but then the backbone of the poem comes to give it presence and power. Good job! No mechanical problems or bad spelling.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016

Yes, too often, my attempts at humor go unnoticed. I thought I wasn't taking any chances this time, but some reviewers thought it was the kid spreading the germans. ;) Thanks for the compliments, Challah!
Don