Note in a Pot
We are all clay vessels.80 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
That's a wonderful keepsake pot and note from tour highly skilled and beloved father.
With respect, I found this difficult to read as poetry, as it seems more like an essay split into same-length stanzas.
However, the one poetic device used is metaphors, so I'll forgive you. ;-)
Nice read.
Best wishes, Ray.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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That's a wonderful keepsake pot and note from tour highly skilled and beloved father.
With respect, I found this difficult to read as poetry, as it seems more like an essay split into same-length stanzas.
However, the one poetic device used is metaphors, so I'll forgive you. ;-)
Nice read.
Best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Yes, Ray, I can see how you found this difficult to read as poetry. I enjoyed the directness of my poem. The metaphors are the one poetic device in my essay-like poem. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"jinnie" should be "genie".
The AC?? scattered throughout the notes is an easy edit to correct and distract from the overall quality of this piece.
The poem itself is well written.
Should be a good contest entry.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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"jinnie" should be "genie".
The AC?? scattered throughout the notes is an easy edit to correct and distract from the overall quality of this piece.
The poem itself is well written.
Should be a good contest entry.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Cody, for pointing out the AC?? in my author's notes. I have eliminated them. As for "genie," I used the Arabic spelling "jinni" and not the anglicized spelling "genie." Rudyard Kipling had used the romanticized spelling "djinn." Here is a Wikipedia article on it, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jinn . I may use the more familiar "genie" later, but I know some purist will fault me for spelling it wrong. What is a writer to do when there are so many different spellings of a word? I make the best choice I can by respecting the original culture of the term.
Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from William Ross
very good, I believe from clay we came and back to clay we will go, My mom wanted her ashes spread around our pet cemetery in back of the house. her wish was my command. I have never heard of the note though. Good luck on this, have a great day.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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very good, I believe from clay we came and back to clay we will go, My mom wanted her ashes spread around our pet cemetery in back of the house. her wish was my command. I have never heard of the note though. Good luck on this, have a great day.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Thank you, William, for your review on my poem. I deeply appreciate it.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mystery author, this is a very good entry for this particular competition, I read it out aloud and it has good rhythm and an excellent flow, I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Hi Mystery author, this is a very good entry for this particular competition, I read it out aloud and it has good rhythm and an excellent flow, I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Eric1, for your review. I had recorded my poem in my iPhone several times and replayed it to hear the rhythm and flow. Thank you for wishing me success in the contest.
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You are most welcome my friend.
Comment from joannakruk
A wonderful piece expressing the cycle of life, from, earth to earth we,return. We know scientifically what happens to the physical, molecular self but the pervasive question in your piece addresses the spiritual realm, the soul. Some say that the concept of soul is a ridiculous invention, an aspect of ego. Others attribute religious doctrine to explain it all. Fact is that no one knows and so the choice of belief is utterly in our hands. Oh the freedom this bestows. Such a beautiful use of the symbolism of the clay pot in your piece.
Lovely
Jo :-)
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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A wonderful piece expressing the cycle of life, from, earth to earth we,return. We know scientifically what happens to the physical, molecular self but the pervasive question in your piece addresses the spiritual realm, the soul. Some say that the concept of soul is a ridiculous invention, an aspect of ego. Others attribute religious doctrine to explain it all. Fact is that no one knows and so the choice of belief is utterly in our hands. Oh the freedom this bestows. Such a beautiful use of the symbolism of the clay pot in your piece.
Lovely
Jo :-)
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Jo, for your heartfelt review. My father was a potter and a poet for sixty years. When I say this clay vessel poetry contest, I knew I had to write something as a tribute to him. I am glad you found our use of symbolism beautiful. Thanks again.
Comment from LIJ Red
Well, in English, Pandora's box at the moment is more modish than
Pandora's Pot. Interesting custom, pot and note. Excellent free verse.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Well, in English, Pandora's box at the moment is more modish than
Pandora's Pot. Interesting custom, pot and note. Excellent free verse.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Ha! At the last moment, I had changed Pandora's Box to Pandora's Pot, but I decided against it. People may have thought I meant Pandora's pot (marijuana) or potty. Thank you for your complimentary review of my free verse.
Comment from Marykelly
This poem celebrates clay pots and the different ways they are used. The thing they have in common is their importance whether that importance is to carry the ashes of a beloved father or contain a message of love.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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This poem celebrates clay pots and the different ways they are used. The thing they have in common is their importance whether that importance is to carry the ashes of a beloved father or contain a message of love.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Yes, Marykelly, I shared the various ways clay pots are used and am thrilled that I shared my father's pot and poetry with you. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing the picture of one of your father's creations and posting your own. Your free verse is quite evocative and the concept of our being "clay vessels" is quite thought provoking. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Thank you for sharing the picture of one of your father's creations and posting your own. Your free verse is quite evocative and the concept of our being "clay vessels" is quite thought provoking. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Joan, for your review. My father would have been thrilled. He was always writing poetry about his clay vessels.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello,
What a lovely poem about love. I really like the metaphor of the body and the clay pot. When I read about your father's ashes near his home in the desert I had a beautiful image and thought how much he would like that. Good job!
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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Hello,
What a lovely poem about love. I really like the metaphor of the body and the clay pot. When I read about your father's ashes near his home in the desert I had a beautiful image and thought how much he would like that. Good job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Yes, Gypsy, my father would have loved the idea of his ashes being carried in a jar he made and scattered in the desert by his boyhood home. I am glad you "had a beautiful image." Thank you for your review.
Comment from RoostyNester
Nice poem, Good narration of the thoughts relating to the death of a loved one. Well versed and clear message to the reader. Puts the reader in your shoes, as your story is read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Nice poem, Good narration of the thoughts relating to the death of a loved one. Well versed and clear message to the reader. Puts the reader in your shoes, as your story is read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Yes, RoostyNester, I told a little story with my poem and incorporated my father's words. I am thrilled to share them with you. Thank you for your review.
