No Laughing Matter...
Prose Potlatch Challenge 26 June 201618 total reviews
Comment from cterp
Ha! Very clever. Not a bullet-proof (ouch) mystery, but you're forgiven, having only 500 words. The only thing that bothered me was Johnny's gut wobbling like a tub of jelly, which, to my mind, immediately brought up images of Santa Claus and The Night Before Christmas ("like a bowlful of jelly"). Oh, and one place you misspelled: Johhny. But this is, shall we say, hilarious. It's difficult to carry out laughter on the page well, but you did it, without sounding ridiculous. Nice job.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
  |
Ha! Very clever. Not a bullet-proof (ouch) mystery, but you're forgiven, having only 500 words. The only thing that bothered me was Johnny's gut wobbling like a tub of jelly, which, to my mind, immediately brought up images of Santa Claus and The Night Before Christmas ("like a bowlful of jelly"). Oh, and one place you misspelled: Johhny. But this is, shall we say, hilarious. It's difficult to carry out laughter on the page well, but you did it, without sounding ridiculous. Nice job.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
-
Thanks, cterp, for your review and generous rating... I'm pleased you enjoyed. Santa Claus? Never crossed my mind... LOL!.
Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
Comment from L.lora
Very interesting, appears
to have met all the qualifications
of the prompt. Would suggest:
"Ted Jenkins. A petty crim. He's an idiot."
removing the periods and placing the
commas where needed making this one
sentence instead of broken fragments.
Again, interesting read, thanks for
sharing. Lora
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
|
Very interesting, appears
to have met all the qualifications
of the prompt. Would suggest:
"Ted Jenkins. A petty crim. He's an idiot."
removing the periods and placing the
commas where needed making this one
sentence instead of broken fragments.
Again, interesting read, thanks for
sharing. Lora
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
-
Thanks Lorafor your review and generous rating... I'm pleased you enjoyed.
Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
Comment from Dutchie
A well written crime-scene, my friend. I was still wondering what made him laugh,
despite his best mate was dead. The end made it all clear to me. I did not see that coming.... Well done, Marijke!!!! Lots of love and hugs Fietje xxxx
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
|
A well written crime-scene, my friend. I was still wondering what made him laugh,
despite his best mate was dead. The end made it all clear to me. I did not see that coming.... Well done, Marijke!!!! Lots of love and hugs Fietje xxxx
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
-
Thanks Fietje, for your review and generous rating... I'm pleased you enjoyed this rather silly murder... Thanks and love, and warmest regards, with miles of happy ha-ha-ha smiles, Marijke :o)
Comment from misscookie
Now that is one for the books. Next time I hear the saying he died laughing. I will think of this story. And know one can die this way.
Thank for the sad but funny story.
Cookie
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
|
Now that is one for the books. Next time I hear the saying he died laughing. I will think of this story. And know one can die this way.
Thank for the sad but funny story.
Cookie
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
-
Thanks, Cookie, for your review and generous rating... I'm pleased you enjoyed.
Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
-
You're very welcome. Until next time.
Cookie
Comment from BeasPeas
A good Potlatch story that held my attention all the way through. Nitrous oxide only makes me want to cry, but I know that it's considered laughing gas. Perfect wrap-up twist to your mystery story. Marilyn
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
|
A good Potlatch story that held my attention all the way through. Nitrous oxide only makes me want to cry, but I know that it's considered laughing gas. Perfect wrap-up twist to your mystery story. Marilyn
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
-
Thanks, Marilyn, for your kind comments. I don't think I will ever make a good mystery writer! Thanks for reading and reviewing, and your generous rating. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I really enjoyed this piece. It had a mystery, witness and a surprise and 'fun' ending. Good humour injected into the piece.
Good tone established early on in the tale. Despite the response from Bruce, there is a sense of urgency in the writing here.
Reads very much like an old-fashioned noir tale which is superb.
The only question I had when reading was who found the body? the death was just before 3am and Bruce arrives shortly after 4am. How was it discovered at that time and by whom?
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
|
Hi there,
I really enjoyed this piece. It had a mystery, witness and a surprise and 'fun' ending. Good humour injected into the piece.
Good tone established early on in the tale. Despite the response from Bruce, there is a sense of urgency in the writing here.
Reads very much like an old-fashioned noir tale which is superb.
The only question I had when reading was who found the body? the death was just before 3am and Bruce arrives shortly after 4am. How was it discovered at that time and by whom?
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
-
To be honest... I don't know. Maybe the pair of crims were being watched?
Oh, well, I've always known I'll never make a good mystery writer! Thanks for reading and reviewing, and your generous rating. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
-
Not a good mystery writer! LOL
This is better than GOOD! It's just one detail. Great tone and urgency. Excellent characters.
Comment from Kooky Clown
An enjoyable read however as soon as you mentioned the dentists being turned over and Johnny could not stop laughing I had worked out what was wrong with him.
But I didn't figure out how Teddie had died so on that you win.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
|
An enjoyable read however as soon as you mentioned the dentists being turned over and Johnny could not stop laughing I had worked out what was wrong with him.
But I didn't figure out how Teddie had died so on that you win.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
-
Ha-ha, I thought it might be obvious... but that's what came to mind... couldn't think of anything else. Oh, well, I would never make a good mystery writer! Thanks for reading and reviewing, and your generous rating. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written murder story. To be wakened in the early hours of the morning is hard enough. To be called to a murder scene does not make it any easier.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
|
A very well-written murder story. To be wakened in the early hours of the morning is hard enough. To be called to a murder scene does not make it any easier.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
-
Ha-ha, I thought it might be obvious, Sandra. I don't think I'll ever make a good mystery writer! Thanks for reading and reviewing, and your generous rating. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
