Failure
I Just Didn't Know43 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
Love is a good way to get screwed in more than one way. There is very good imagery. Good luck in your contest. Very well written.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Love is a good way to get screwed in more than one way. There is very good imagery. Good luck in your contest. Very well written.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Thank you so very much. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from Johnathan Sechrist
Very nice. This was an easy-to-follow story. I found no hiccups or pauses as I read along. I found myself intrigued the moment their conversation started up. You carried the conversation in a way that kept me wanting to know more, rather than trying to guess what would happen. Very nice. :)
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Very nice. This was an easy-to-follow story. I found no hiccups or pauses as I read along. I found myself intrigued the moment their conversation started up. You carried the conversation in a way that kept me wanting to know more, rather than trying to guess what would happen. Very nice. :)
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you so very much. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from barkingdog
How often this happens is shameful.
Con-artists take advantage of a rich woman's love and swindle her of her savings.
Grrr, I wanted to find and strangle him--after I got her money back,of course.
Great dialogue and well paced.
Clear characters--well developed.
Natural dialogue.
Best of luck in the contest, Ulla.
:) e
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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How often this happens is shameful.
Con-artists take advantage of a rich woman's love and swindle her of her savings.
Grrr, I wanted to find and strangle him--after I got her money back,of course.
Great dialogue and well paced.
Clear characters--well developed.
Natural dialogue.
Best of luck in the contest, Ulla.
:) e
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Hi Ellen, I know, it's probably happened more often than anyone cares to know. I'm glad you liked it, thanks very much. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I kid you not, woman, your writing improves each time you post. This is well done, Ulla. The flow, the dialogue - it just keeps getting better. I've heard stories such as this, too. These men who con women out of their savings! Awful.
One minor nit: Karen snapped out of her reverie when Charlotte said, "(W)ould you like another coffee?"
Great job!
Av
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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I kid you not, woman, your writing improves each time you post. This is well done, Ulla. The flow, the dialogue - it just keeps getting better. I've heard stories such as this, too. These men who con women out of their savings! Awful.
One minor nit: Karen snapped out of her reverie when Charlotte said, "(W)ould you like another coffee?"
Great job!
Av
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Awwww, Avril, thanks a lot for this. What more can I ask for. Such lovely praise and then from you. It means so much to me. I'm working so hard to better my writing, and you do help me a lot as you know. I have made the change. Thanks again for this acknowledgement. Hugs, Ulla:)))
Comment from damommy
Very good story. I was hooked from the first.
Conversations are very natural, and the whole story reads very smoothly.
Will there be a sequel on the revenge Charlotte exacts? I can tell that's what the planning will be about. 8-)
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Very good story. I was hooked from the first.
Conversations are very natural, and the whole story reads very smoothly.
Will there be a sequel on the revenge Charlotte exacts? I can tell that's what the planning will be about. 8-)
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thanks so very much. I'm glad you liked it. All the best.
Comment from Marvin Calloway
A very nice yet tragic short story.
It flows well. The characters are interesting and appealing.
I hope Charlotte learned her lesson.
Marv
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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A very nice yet tragic short story.
It flows well. The characters are interesting and appealing.
I hope Charlotte learned her lesson.
Marv
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, for a great review. I'm glad you liked it. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Kelly2
I think you are excellent at dialogue, which is to be commended. Not everyone is.
The subject matter is excellent, being a subject that happens often, and the main character follows through with what is typical--on the rebound, falling for someone and not seeing the signs, giving him money.
I just wish it had ended differently. I want her to find a way to get revenge or stop him. Like maybe Karen and Charlotte see him in the restaurant wooing a new girl, and Charlotte takes her wine and dumps it on his head. And she says, "And that is only the beginning..." Or she says, "What a perfect waste of a lovely glass of wine". LOL...there are so many ways I would love to see this story go.
Great writing, Ulla.
Kelly
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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I think you are excellent at dialogue, which is to be commended. Not everyone is.
The subject matter is excellent, being a subject that happens often, and the main character follows through with what is typical--on the rebound, falling for someone and not seeing the signs, giving him money.
I just wish it had ended differently. I want her to find a way to get revenge or stop him. Like maybe Karen and Charlotte see him in the restaurant wooing a new girl, and Charlotte takes her wine and dumps it on his head. And she says, "And that is only the beginning..." Or she says, "What a perfect waste of a lovely glass of wine". LOL...there are so many ways I would love to see this story go.
Great writing, Ulla.
Kelly
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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Thanks. It's a contest entry so there is a limit where to take the story. I would also like to know all the improvements that's needed since you gave me a four. Surely there must be mistakes I have to correct? Ulla
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Yes, I understand if it's a contest entry, you are restricted. I'm going to read it again because I can't remember if it was all dialogue. I just didn't feel a plot and the ending needed something. But the biggest reason I gave you a 4 is because I'm new here and thought I should allow room. Then I posted something and I got a lot of 5s. So I need to think about this differently. I really appreciate you taking my critique seriously when you don't even know me or how I write. BTW, I just discovered this section where the reviews are and the responses. I have no idea how this place works, but I know I have to review to get points to post things. Or to promote. Or something.
Comment from alexisleech
I loved chatting earlier. My guests are not going to be here for another hour or two, so I thought I would have a quick look at your latest post while I had the chance!
I wonder how many niave woman have been caught out like this? As they say, if it seems too good to be true, it usually is!
As usual, your writing is excellent. How you write/converse in so many languages never fails to amaze me. I've made a couple of suggestions below which, apart from the commas, are only a language thing!
Hugs from France,
Alexis
to the Italian restaurant(,) you suggested
as you also know[,] it wasn't long before he moved in with me."
There was only one (slight) problem.
You became engaged to marry, (did you not)[didn't you]?"
"I did insist (to come)[on going] with him to the bank,
out of your hard earned [savings](money)? (saves repatition of money)
No[,] Karen, you don't need to look at me like that.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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I loved chatting earlier. My guests are not going to be here for another hour or two, so I thought I would have a quick look at your latest post while I had the chance!
I wonder how many niave woman have been caught out like this? As they say, if it seems too good to be true, it usually is!
As usual, your writing is excellent. How you write/converse in so many languages never fails to amaze me. I've made a couple of suggestions below which, apart from the commas, are only a language thing!
Hugs from France,
Alexis
to the Italian restaurant(,) you suggested
as you also know[,] it wasn't long before he moved in with me."
There was only one (slight) problem.
You became engaged to marry, (did you not)[didn't you]?"
"I did insist (to come)[on going] with him to the bank,
out of your hard earned [savings](money)? (saves repatition of money)
No[,] Karen, you don't need to look at me like that.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Hi Alexis thanks a bunch for this. I've made the corrections. We've spoken a few times before this and looking forward to chat soon. Love Ullaxxx
Comment from jpduck
I enjoyed reading this sad tale.
A couple of suggestions. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'I could see the attraction[. A]*,* handsome bloke, that he was. (Just a suggestion; I think this is a little smoother).
'So, you offered him the [money] *investment*, out of your hard earned money' (To avoid the repetition of 'money').
Adrian
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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I enjoyed reading this sad tale.
A couple of suggestions. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'I could see the attraction[. A]*,* handsome bloke, that he was. (Just a suggestion; I think this is a little smoother).
'So, you offered him the [money] *investment*, out of your hard earned money' (To avoid the repetition of 'money').
Adrian
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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Thanks a lot Adrian, and I've made corrections made corrections. I think something like this does happen. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from TheresaWilliams
Great story! It is very well written and the imagery is such that I felt as if I were sitting there with them. The dialogue is perfect and lets the reader know more about each character. Well done!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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Great story! It is very well written and the imagery is such that I felt as if I were sitting there with them. The dialogue is perfect and lets the reader know more about each character. Well done!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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Thanks a lot Theresa. I'm glad you liked it.All the best. Ulla:)))
