Comment from Lynn27

Excellent

Another great tale of this story. I like how your characters interacted with each other.

Suggestions:

Avoid adverbs with ly. You have to many in this chapter.

Your character at the end needs to show more emotion about Cody going back to sleep!!

He called the nurse or someone on the staff after he wore up?

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Okay dokey.

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

A temporary awakening should be a good sign, still it's taking so long for Cody to recover. True, he didn't deserve all the suffering he's been through. In fact, he's a hero for getting the goods on the Astatula assassin. Daniels is really concerned about his progress. Having the toy wolf Blazer seems to give Cody some comfort. You do a great job of having the reader following Cody's progress and concerned about his recovery.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Much more to come so stay tuned.

reply by judiverse on 26-Jun-2016

You're welcome. Another great story going. judi

reply by Anonymous Member on 28-Jun-2016

You're welcome. Another great story going. judi

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

Even a brief moment like that, gives a father hope that the next time Cody wil stay awake longer.
I bet he COULD kick himself for not getting rid of that stuffed wolf. It's too late now. Cody loves it now.

Great story so far, Brett.
On to the next chapter.

:) e

 Comment Written 23-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016

Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.

Comment from MizKat

Excellent

Hi Brett,

This is a wonderful chapter too. I can understand why the ex Sheriff didn't want Cody to have the wolf because it was given to him from a bad person. Still because it was Cody's favorite animal he let him have it. I look forward to what is going to happen next. Will Cody start staying awake for longer periods?

Kat

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016

Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Much more to come so stay tuned.

reply by MizKat on 04-Jul-2016

I hope I can find the next one you write.
Kat

Comment from create4christ

Excellent

Oh no!! I wonder if there was something on that wolf that put Cody back to sleep?! Poor Cody!!

I did notice several grammar and spelling errors this time, so I couldn't give 6 stars...

P9 - The phone (RANG) several times
P15 - when my still inner voice tells me something (,) experience has taught
P15 - In my book (,) Cody
P21 - in 42 days (,) it's gave Cody
P31 - Cody's face(,)when...bear (,)told me

This was a great story , as always. I was drawn to keep reading. Well done!

Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2016

Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments, support, and edits appreciated.

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

So I suspect Doctor Patterson neglected to include his own file. How strange is that? Apparently he has something to hide
or he believes as Cody's Doctor he should be above suspicion.
At least the little fellow woke up. He will get better now. Nancy

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016

Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Oh wow what a different chapter and the mystery continues for the family.
Very nicely written and the excitement holds my interest so see where this is going.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016

Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.

Comment from Sankey

Excellent

Great reading again. Feeling all the emotions alluded to, in the story. Now for some spags.The phone rang[e] several times A comment from me for the next word...Should look this one up...just did...the moist(u)[e]r(e)

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016

Thanks.

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

I have to say, Brett, this is a beautiful chapter. Really sweet and full of authentic interaction between Daniel and Cody. It's not overly syrupy. Just right. The tension is still there below the surface with the choice of the stuffed wolf as his favourite toy, but it also provides a point of connection. From the start you've been building this always tentative relationship between the troubled boy and his foster father. Now, it's fulfilled, but the narrative is far from resolved. I have to congratulate you on the improvement in the flow of language. Your imagination was always on song, but it seems you've done some deep editing on this piece. The punctuation is nearly perfect. Your sentences aren't slowed down with words like 'that', nor are they blocked by the use of passive voice any more (eg I never encountered Doctor Patterson before this situation with Cody arose....Lots of writers put 'I had never encountered.' The addition of the passive verbs to be eg had, was, have, been etc, where a straight forward verb like 'encountered 'will do, slows the action and clogs up the smoothness of the language.
One SPAG
keep the moister building up inside...moisture

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016

Thanks. I am in the process of changing the whole book to third person.

Comment from MTF1955

Excellent

I just love this story. You suck me in every time. You have me cheering for Cody and begging him to come back too us. Wonderfully done. Mary

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016

Thanks.