Remorse
A lie has tragic consequences.36 total reviews
Comment from cterp
Very clever Trinet. Very bad dream. Glad the narrator woke up from it. Wish I understood fencing more. "Friend dies./Fiancee lied./Never bride." That trio of lines is especially snappy, except we never hear about the fiancee again. What was the lie about? We're left hanging on that. "I awaken/Relieved, unshaken."=very nice transition, sense of relief. Phew.
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Very clever Trinet. Very bad dream. Glad the narrator woke up from it. Wish I understood fencing more. "Friend dies./Fiancee lied./Never bride." That trio of lines is especially snappy, except we never hear about the fiancee again. What was the lie about? We're left hanging on that. "I awaken/Relieved, unshaken."=very nice transition, sense of relief. Phew.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2016
Comment from tfawcus
The staccato rhythm of the Trinet suggests the parry and thrust of the fencing dual rather well. A vivid dream that a dream analyst might have a field day with!
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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The staccato rhythm of the Trinet suggests the parry and thrust of the fencing dual rather well. A vivid dream that a dream analyst might have a field day with!
Comment Written 24-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Thanks for another insightful commentary, Tony! They're always very much appreciated!
Ogden
Comment from janalma
I like this very much. The style it's written in and the theme of regret. Usually, regret is just that, and never ends. Lucky for your 'gentleman' his regret is just a dream.
Your format is neat. Something I'd never try, as I'm not a poet. I do some poems, with trepidation, tho. Lol.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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I like this very much. The style it's written in and the theme of regret. Usually, regret is just that, and never ends. Lucky for your 'gentleman' his regret is just a dream.
Your format is neat. Something I'd never try, as I'm not a poet. I do some poems, with trepidation, tho. Lol.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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It's very rewarding to me that you enjoyed my poem, Janalma. Thanks for your comments!
Ogden
Comment from foxangie123
This is a masterpiece as you unfold a duel indeed. Way to go on this as I think it holds much power with the lines and inbetween. Good one.
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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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This is a masterpiece as you unfold a duel indeed. Way to go on this as I think it holds much power with the lines and inbetween. Good one.
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Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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That's quite a compliment, Angie! Unfortunately, the voters haven't seen it your way. Your support is a big boost, and very appreciated! Thank you!
Comment from lindafisher
Really enjoyed this story poem. We all have bad dreams that we are glad to wake up from. This one seems particularly tortuous. It is a good piece and a great contest entry.
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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2016
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Really enjoyed this story poem. We all have bad dreams that we are glad to wake up from. This one seems particularly tortuous. It is a good piece and a great contest entry.
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Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2016
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Thanks for your terrific review, Linda!
Pleasant dreams, (No, I haven't used that before.)
Ogden (aka Don)
Comment from djeckert
This is well done. I love the imagery and dual edged duel aspect of guilt,remorse inner battling. A real neat poem. Good luck, a very strong entry. God surely blesses.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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This is well done. I love the imagery and dual edged duel aspect of guilt,remorse inner battling. A real neat poem. Good luck, a very strong entry. God surely blesses.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Thank you again for your compliments and all those most welcome stars!
