vermont magic
a trinet poem4 total reviews
Comment from foxangie123
I love this. It has been awhile since reading your work yet it was easily detected through its greatness indeed. A most splendid entry. Way to go.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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I love this. It has been awhile since reading your work yet it was easily detected through its greatness indeed. A most splendid entry. Way to go.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the encouraging review, cheers, j
Comment from cumulus365
This poem is nice to read. The poem achieved the style format. The poem is developing. You can still spruce it up to really do justice for the breath-taking views of Vermont. Nevertheless, the poem is easily understood about the way of life in Vermont is a relaxed life and its beauty. Your language convention is fine, except for, vermont life, in other stanzas the beginning letter of the first word is capitalized, while this is not, shouldn't it be capitalized? after all Vermont is the special proper noun. This is a descriptive poem, it can be more captivating if you would have simile, metaphors, and alliteration (like Great Green mountains to emphasize part of the mountain chain of the Appalachian). There might need a bit of reorganization of thoughts on your wanting to describe stores in Vermont is welcoming (an feeling of relaxation fills whenever I step into a wooden floor store), in the last stanza. Meaning, I could see the format would be even better, if you have the line "ancient county fairs, blue ribbons doled," in the first stanza replaced with "country fairs, country stores, wooden floors". The last stanza depicts the seasons in Vermont, you might was well replace the "country stores, wooden floors" with "fantastic fall or amazing autumn" for alliteration so that the reader can get absorbed in the colorful changing of those deciduous trees around small towns, and winding roads into the neighborhoods of clapboard country homes,etc.. In the last stanza, instead of "Vermont magic", you can make it a nicer reading as vivacious Vermont. In sum, the three stanzas can be rewritten to describe the awesome Vermont if you would reorganize, regroup the details appropriately, and add some more poetic techniques such as simile, metaphor, and alliteration. I still like your idea of your subject. Thanks. Best.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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This poem is nice to read. The poem achieved the style format. The poem is developing. You can still spruce it up to really do justice for the breath-taking views of Vermont. Nevertheless, the poem is easily understood about the way of life in Vermont is a relaxed life and its beauty. Your language convention is fine, except for, vermont life, in other stanzas the beginning letter of the first word is capitalized, while this is not, shouldn't it be capitalized? after all Vermont is the special proper noun. This is a descriptive poem, it can be more captivating if you would have simile, metaphors, and alliteration (like Great Green mountains to emphasize part of the mountain chain of the Appalachian). There might need a bit of reorganization of thoughts on your wanting to describe stores in Vermont is welcoming (an feeling of relaxation fills whenever I step into a wooden floor store), in the last stanza. Meaning, I could see the format would be even better, if you have the line "ancient county fairs, blue ribbons doled," in the first stanza replaced with "country fairs, country stores, wooden floors". The last stanza depicts the seasons in Vermont, you might was well replace the "country stores, wooden floors" with "fantastic fall or amazing autumn" for alliteration so that the reader can get absorbed in the colorful changing of those deciduous trees around small towns, and winding roads into the neighborhoods of clapboard country homes,etc.. In the last stanza, instead of "Vermont magic", you can make it a nicer reading as vivacious Vermont. In sum, the three stanzas can be rewritten to describe the awesome Vermont if you would reorganize, regroup the details appropriately, and add some more poetic techniques such as simile, metaphor, and alliteration. I still like your idea of your subject. Thanks. Best.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the review I will read again with this in mind. Cheers, j
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Hi j. You are welcome. Have a fantastic day. Best.
Comment from zanya
This format -Trinet Poetry -is intriguing - here is a little gem- a tableau , nay a tapestry created using same - evoking a location and a way of life that is slipping into the past 'nostalgic'-unadorned but powerful images 'winter full moons''pine scented'/ 'ancient country fairs'- did Robert Frost inhabit this inspiring place? Perfect pic!!
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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This format -Trinet Poetry -is intriguing - here is a little gem- a tableau , nay a tapestry created using same - evoking a location and a way of life that is slipping into the past 'nostalgic'-unadorned but powerful images 'winter full moons''pine scented'/ 'ancient country fairs'- did Robert Frost inhabit this inspiring place? Perfect pic!!
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much for the encouraging review and sparkly stars. Vermont really is what America was, I have a log cabin in the woods and have been enjoying the magic and maple syrup for 30 years. Cheers, j
Comment from c_lucas
The life, and glory of Vermont is well within this imagery. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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The life, and glory of Vermont is well within this imagery. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the review, I had to remove one 2 word line from each stanza. Cheers, j
