Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Love Birds"All chapters
6 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Smooth writing in this segment with good transitions from one thing to another. Natural actions of Russ and Liz as well as conversation. Nicely done. Marilyn
  |
Smooth writing in this segment with good transitions from one thing to another. Natural actions of Russ and Liz as well as conversation. Nicely done. Marilyn
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
Comment from MelReyn
I had trouble picturing the age of these two, so I thought they were elderly and was a little thrown by the description of Liz and her dark hair. But I do think that is a function of me coming in late. I liked the pace of this and the prose was clear. My only suggestion is... having Liz call her clients wackos made me dislike her a little. It seemed a little out of character for a therapist. You might consider toning that down just a little. Otherwise, these two seemed to have a great time and that made me smile.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
|
I had trouble picturing the age of these two, so I thought they were elderly and was a little thrown by the description of Liz and her dark hair. But I do think that is a function of me coming in late. I liked the pace of this and the prose was clear. My only suggestion is... having Liz call her clients wackos made me dislike her a little. It seemed a little out of character for a therapist. You might consider toning that down just a little. Otherwise, these two seemed to have a great time and that made me smile.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
-
Dear MelReyn
I can see by your lovely photo that you were born and I'm glad of it.
Their ages are: Liz_26; Russ_25.
Come in late; stay late.
I'll consider your wacko comment. She just calls them that to annoy Russ. She wouldn't tolerate him using the term.
Glad my characters made you smile. They get to me sometimes. Sometimes I laugh out loud.
I appreciate the time you took to write this nice review and thanks for the compliments.
Marv
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Marvin
= Nice, smooth, enjoyable read.
= Good to read a story withOUT a lot of SPAG. (*<*)
<> Suggest separating Liz action from his.
Liz, with a slight smile, looked at me.
I smiled. In silence, we sipped our drinks. I began studying her face. It was beautiful. The late evening sun illuminated its softness and gave her nearly black hair an angelic appearance. I was in heaven. And my feet felt better.
(*<*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-Down (*>*)
Cheers & Blessings ... Jacqueline ~ Jackie ~ Jax
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
|
Hi, Marvin
= Nice, smooth, enjoyable read.
= Good to read a story withOUT a lot of SPAG. (*<*)
<> Suggest separating Liz action from his.
Liz, with a slight smile, looked at me.
I smiled. In silence, we sipped our drinks. I began studying her face. It was beautiful. The late evening sun illuminated its softness and gave her nearly black hair an angelic appearance. I was in heaven. And my feet felt better.
(*<*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-Down (*>*)
Cheers & Blessings ... Jacqueline ~ Jackie ~ Jax
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
-
Jax Franklin
Blessings to you, also. Thanks for your review.
I am baffled by the second sentence: = Good to read a story with a lot of SPAG. I hope you meant: . . . without a lot of SPAG.
Thanks for your advice about separating 'Liz action from his.'
Thank you for the 5 stars.
Marv
-
OMGoodess! Yes, I meant withOUT SPAG!
I fixed it. (*<*)
-
You All:
That's a relief!
I'm getting a bargain: three for the price of one.
Thanks Jacqueline, Jackie & Jax.
Marv
-
You are most welcome from ALL 3 of us! (*<*)
Comment from Jay Squires
I enjoyed your chapter, Marv. The sense of love between the two was apparent through the dialogue. If there was one part that made me a little squeamish it was the spelling out of their laughter. Using ha-ha or hee-hee seems TO ME a tad comic-bookish, especially when carried to excess. Then again, it might just be me. What I enjoyed more than anything was your increased use of description, instead of letting the dialogue carry it.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
|
I enjoyed your chapter, Marv. The sense of love between the two was apparent through the dialogue. If there was one part that made me a little squeamish it was the spelling out of their laughter. Using ha-ha or hee-hee seems TO ME a tad comic-bookish, especially when carried to excess. Then again, it might just be me. What I enjoyed more than anything was your increased use of description, instead of letting the dialogue carry it.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
Jay:
Good to hear from you. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and the increased use of description. Thanks for the compliment about showing the 'love between the two.'
I bet you're correct about how to write laughter. (or how not to)
Thanks for reviewing and the five stars.
Marv
Comment from lfemine
Very funny and well-written. Great characters. I would love to read the rest, not just for the story but to experience your characters. They're also very New York where I'm from. Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
|
Very funny and well-written. Great characters. I would love to read the rest, not just for the story but to experience your characters. They're also very New York where I'm from. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
-
lfemine
Thank you for reviewing. I appreciate all the compliments.
This story is a rom/com but there's no way to tell my readers. Wait. I just thought of a way. I'll put it in the notes from the author. Thanks for the inspiration.
I hope you catch the next chapter.
The New Yorkiness comes from my Woody Allen/Lawrence Block influence. If you wish, I'd like you to help me keep it that way.
I'm from Baltimore, which is a great place to be from.
Marv
-
Welcome. Sure, that would be fine :)
-
Thanx
Comment from jusylee72
I am enjoying your trip to the museum and the developing of characters. What a great place for your characters to get to know each other. Thank you for your words.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
|
I am enjoying your trip to the museum and the developing of characters. What a great place for your characters to get to know each other. Thank you for your words.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
-
jusylee
Thanks for reviewing. My characters will remain in the museum in the next chapter. They had a brief fling 4 years ago. Lack of money won't be a factor this time.
You are welcome for the words. Thank you for your encouragement.
Marv
