Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 73 "My Hero"Dawn of Chaos
63 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Okay, this is clearly about Superman. the main problem and it is a big one; the many grammatical errors and poor sentence structures. This is in need of a re-write.
I redid the first stanza to show you how it should be written, in what I'm assuming is a free verse poem.
If you require more help,p lease drop me a line.
notes:
Let me tell you about my hero, fast stripped clothes him, he was a writer; he daily job living life: a paper man.
-should be-
Let me tell you about my hero. He was a writer. His daily job, living life as a paper-man.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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Okay, this is clearly about Superman. the main problem and it is a big one; the many grammatical errors and poor sentence structures. This is in need of a re-write.
I redid the first stanza to show you how it should be written, in what I'm assuming is a free verse poem.
If you require more help,p lease drop me a line.
notes:
Let me tell you about my hero, fast stripped clothes him, he was a writer; he daily job living life: a paper man.
-should be-
Let me tell you about my hero. He was a writer. His daily job, living life as a paper-man.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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Point made and I do agree the write has pits. I find interest in its calm and ability to cspture attention: good or bad -welcomed. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging inspiratio n.
Comment from royowen
I think we all have a different version of what a righteous man is, but righteous means perfect in every way, no flaw, no blemish, yet Superman was in love with Lois Lane who was decidedly flawed, but then, I have no desire to be perfect, it's beyond my flawed capacities anyway, and as you say, to be loyal and faithful. Is all God requires of us anyway, well done, nicely written prose, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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I think we all have a different version of what a righteous man is, but righteous means perfect in every way, no flaw, no blemish, yet Superman was in love with Lois Lane who was decidedly flawed, but then, I have no desire to be perfect, it's beyond my flawed capacities anyway, and as you say, to be loyal and faithful. Is all God requires of us anyway, well done, nicely written prose, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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Not perfect in statement, yet intent felt at heart. Thanking you for generous rate and inspiring thoughts about this write.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I liked the premise of your piece, TPAC. We all have our heroes, some real, some imagined.
My own personal real life hero is my father. There is nothing Dad hasn't told me that wasn't great advice, misleading, or untrue.
What threw me off a bit was the way in which the wording was composed. The reverse syntax in several areas made this seem like trying to go eighty miles an hour in your automobile over a parking lot filled with speed bumps.
I'm not sure if you were attempting to create some sort of dialect here, or there were other reasons your piece was written this way.
Only you know that for sure.
Still, I got the basic gist of the message you were trying to convey, and that's enough.
~Dean
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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I liked the premise of your piece, TPAC. We all have our heroes, some real, some imagined.
My own personal real life hero is my father. There is nothing Dad hasn't told me that wasn't great advice, misleading, or untrue.
What threw me off a bit was the way in which the wording was composed. The reverse syntax in several areas made this seem like trying to go eighty miles an hour in your automobile over a parking lot filled with speed bumps.
I'm not sure if you were attempting to create some sort of dialect here, or there were other reasons your piece was written this way.
Only you know that for sure.
Still, I got the basic gist of the message you were trying to convey, and that's enough.
~Dean
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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Honesty, love it, a split personality by illustrating Kent as he and Superman as him: pits. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating views.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello and smiles TPAC
Frist what a neat picture of Superman when he was child.
and now how you said what he was-
Kent wasn't like us, he was kind to others, a perfect man; no mortal, just loyal: him Superman.
was a very good closure.
Gert
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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Hello and smiles TPAC
Frist what a neat picture of Superman when he was child.
and now how you said what he was-
Kent wasn't like us, he was kind to others, a perfect man; no mortal, just loyal: him Superman.
was a very good closure.
Gert
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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Yeah, pits before I hope to move, changing views of he, him and his. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging inspiration.
Comment from jusylee72
Yes kent was the real hero who no one could tell was really superman because he wore glasses. Great little poem here. I truly enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Yes kent was the real hero who no one could tell was really superman because he wore glasses. Great little poem here. I truly enjoyed it.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Twinkles a little and when I saw the picture a perfect match in my view: revision hopes to improve. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from Janet Foor
Sweet picture of your "hero", a little "Superman".
Great descriptions of a hero, strong, says no all evil and is always kind to others.
Good message.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Sweet picture of your "hero", a little "Superman".
Great descriptions of a hero, strong, says no all evil and is always kind to others.
Good message.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Love the picture, my man going away into adventure: the write pits are under revisions. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating comments.
Comment from GWHARGIS
It almost seemed as if this was written through the eyes of a child. His feats were almost legendary. Good rhythm. I liked the style. Great job on the poem. Gretchen
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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It almost seemed as if this was written through the eyes of a child. His feats were almost legendary. Good rhythm. I liked the style. Great job on the poem. Gretchen
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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All the things I remember about the black and white show. Still work to do with it. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from BarnCat
LOVE the way you presented this. Since this is the first I have read of you, I do not know if this is your style, or if it is introduced only in this piece. It has a great cadence -- more than just rhythm -- and, if you haven't already, could easily be marketed to a hip hop artist. Hip, fresh and too cool for FS!
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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LOVE the way you presented this. Since this is the first I have read of you, I do not know if this is your style, or if it is introduced only in this piece. It has a great cadence -- more than just rhythm -- and, if you haven't already, could easily be marketed to a hip hop artist. Hip, fresh and too cool for FS!
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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I'm please this write excited you, many good question: why I'm at FS to understand. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed captivating comments.
Comment from Ulla
The idea of the poem is great, we all like superman adult and child alike. I only have difficulty with the wording in your poem. You start a sentence with 'him.' Seems strange to me. All the best, Ulla
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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The idea of the poem is great, we all like superman adult and child alike. I only have difficulty with the wording in your poem. You start a sentence with 'him.' Seems strange to me. All the best, Ulla
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Revisions have already been applied expect more: I'm pleased the write touched you. Thanking you for generous rate and tender thoughts.
Comment from Briergate
A great poem about a great man! I love the way you made him human and normal, but that he had the essential characteristics which all people need to shine - kindness, morals and humility. Well played!
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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A great poem about a great man! I love the way you made him human and normal, but that he had the essential characteristics which all people need to shine - kindness, morals and humility. Well played!
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Quick flash concept, revisions has brought out this fact even more. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging inspiration.
