Comment from rosehill (Wendy)

Excellent

What a fun octogram. I love the form and, as a former Southern California beach girl, I am all about the subject matter. The, "white capped walls, the smell of brine," brought memories flooding back of summers spent at Catalina island, free as the salty breeze. Thank you for the trip down memory lane - or should I say beach path. A very nice write.

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017

Thank you for the kind words, Wendy. I didn't really have any control over the subject or form, it was thrown at us as part of the potlatch challenge. But where I grew up, there were a good number of lovely beaches to choose from, as it seems you also enjoyed. I guess that helped. Much appreciate you checking out my poem. Craig.

Comment from --Turtle.

Exceptional

Dear Craig...

I had several of your works open over the long weekend away from internet...

This octogram, I really enjoyed it. Anything I say for it seems kind of lame at this point, but I figured I would press my save button anyway. You have loads of talent, and I always looked forward to checking out your stuff.

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017

Sorry, I think my reply might be a bit late lol

Thanks, Turtle :)

reply by --Turtle. on 21-Mar-2017

Comment from strandregs

Excellent

Hi Craig
nice peaceful on the shore scene
could put it to music .if I could.
Good relaxing read unlike others.(mine)
:-)) Z.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Variety is the spice of life - they say. I'm always amazed at the variety we get in these challenges. Thanks for the lovely comments :)

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

There is nothibgveksr that can beat a great day at the beach. The whole family can enjoy without spending a fortune on the day. Just make sure there is enough sun tan lotion packed in.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

I'd never go there without it. Thanks for reviewing, Sandra.

Comment from michaelcahill

Excellent

Wow. You really brought the sense in to bear on this. I can really get immersed in this, sound, sight, and smell too. The salty smell of the sea is thick somehow, the sun is baking me and the white capped walls are clear as glass in my mind along with the whole scene. I hear all the sounds that go with it. This is a deceptively well written piece. It's light and breezy, but it's as good as it gets when it comes to using language. Yeah, great stuff. mikey

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks for all those lovely comments Mikey. I worried about this form, it took quite a bit of checking to try and make sure which line was meant to rhyme with which. Got there with not a lot of time to spare. I wonder what's next in Phyliis' grab-bag for us?

reply by michaelcahill on 29-May-2016

No telling. LOL
She usually comes up with something that works out pretty well though. Yeah, that checking back and forth takes time. This thing is complicated. It's still way better than I thought it would be. :))

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

This Octogram Poem is a wonderful example of the form created by one-time beloved FanStory poet, Sally Yocom, Craig. I was very fond of this style when Sally was posting them here regularly.
To do this in an hour or less is a fabulous achievement. It's not as easy a form to create as might appear at first glance, but you make it look very simple.

Great imagery coupled with a smooth cadence made for an excellent read.
Well done.
~Dean :}

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks so much for the lovely comments, Dean. I didn't find it easy - having only done two, I've found it takes a bit of getting used to. I do quite like it though, I think we owe a debt to Sally for giving it to us.

reply by Dean Kuch on 29-May-2016

Yes, we certainly should, Craig.
I've only written one poem in the Octogram style myself, and I was fortunate enough to win a contest with it.
It is a fun form to write poetry in.
Long Shadows Dance: An Octogram contest entry
Best of luck with your own.
~Dean

Comment from Leineco

Excellent

Ah...a man after my own heart.

That strip of sand where sea meets land -
my cup of tea!
I love to walk along the strand
to smell the sea
and comb for shells. Or better still
to have a swim when water's chill
and capped waves churn. Frivolity -
my cup of tea :-)

Wonderful octogram CD - not only is it well written with perfect
rhymes and meter, but it also reflected my own attachment to
spending days at shoreline's paradise :-)

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Leineco for such a lovely review. And for a lovely extra 1/2 an octogram on the subject!

I'm glad Phyllis chose an easy subject for us, as I've found it to be a form that takes a bit of getting used to (he says, after exactly two attempts lol)

I wonder what's next?

Much appreciated!
Craig

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

This must have been an extra challenge writing from the middle of Aus. but you have captured the scene well Craig, - down at the shore. I found this form challenging but am enjoying all the reads,
CHEERS.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

I have been to the beach a few times Pearl, but at the moment it seems a long long way away lol. Many thanks for the kind review - Craig.

Comment from ciliverde

Excellent

Nice job, Craig, although you mention pine trees and your picture shows a palm - lol. Do you have pines on the beach in Australia? We do up in northern California, and the Pacific Northwest. Actually, Redwood, Sitka Spruce, and fir mostly. You describe a seaside paradise where I wouldn't mind being right now - fruity cocktail in hand :)
Carol

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

LOL - I never even thought of that, Carol - Nice catch there! I think I meant palm, better fix that.

We have both - in the south (e.g. Sydney) it's more likely to be pines, but up in the tropics, palms would be more the go. Actually, in a lot of places there's not many trees at all near the beach. The strong onshore winds tend to play havoc with saplings, unless they're a bit sheltered somehow, I think. Grab your towel, meet you on the sand!

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

I like that picture :) It makes me want to go on a beach vacation.

You have done great wih the meter,msyllable count, rhymes,mand enjambment. Your descriptions of the beach make me wish I were there. Nice repeating line that sums it all up nicely.

This is a great response to this potlatch challenge.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Joy, for the lovely comments. I'm sitting here freezing my proverbials off and wishing I was at the beach too ;-)