Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "What to Wear?"All chapters
8 total reviews
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Hi Marvin, I wandered over to your portfolio following your kind review of Teddy and chose a piece to help you achieve recognition status. I hope this helps.
You have a great story line here that has the feel of a Hallmark movie going on, and I love Hallmark movies ;)
I have made a few suggestions to enhance the flow if you don't mind. If they don't work for you, no worries, they are offered only with best intention.
Have a great evening, Marvin!
wear has given me enough distress for one day. -> has provided enough stress for the day.
I feel sorry for women. They must go through this clothing ensemble guessing game for almost every date, business meeting or shopping trip. -> I feel for women; they endure wardrobe warfare daily; every business meeting; every date night; every outing with friends.
After this experience, I much prefer taking someone rather than being taken. I'm not sure that came out right, but I think you know what I mean. -> Following this experience, I discovered something about myself...I prefer being in the host verses the guest position. ...
Perhaps, while enjoying an exotic dish such as Lobster Therm-adore, I could be having my head examined by another exotic dish, Liz. She may be what I need at this point in my life. -> i didn't want to get my hopes up, but perhaps while enjoying a dish of exotic Lobster Therm-adore, Liz, an exotic dish of another breed will be examining my head. Liz might just be what the chef of heart would order at this point in my life.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
  |
Hi Marvin, I wandered over to your portfolio following your kind review of Teddy and chose a piece to help you achieve recognition status. I hope this helps.
You have a great story line here that has the feel of a Hallmark movie going on, and I love Hallmark movies ;)
I have made a few suggestions to enhance the flow if you don't mind. If they don't work for you, no worries, they are offered only with best intention.
Have a great evening, Marvin!
wear has given me enough distress for one day. -> has provided enough stress for the day.
I feel sorry for women. They must go through this clothing ensemble guessing game for almost every date, business meeting or shopping trip. -> I feel for women; they endure wardrobe warfare daily; every business meeting; every date night; every outing with friends.
After this experience, I much prefer taking someone rather than being taken. I'm not sure that came out right, but I think you know what I mean. -> Following this experience, I discovered something about myself...I prefer being in the host verses the guest position. ...
Perhaps, while enjoying an exotic dish such as Lobster Therm-adore, I could be having my head examined by another exotic dish, Liz. She may be what I need at this point in my life. -> i didn't want to get my hopes up, but perhaps while enjoying a dish of exotic Lobster Therm-adore, Liz, an exotic dish of another breed will be examining my head. Liz might just be what the chef of heart would order at this point in my life.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
-
Thank you so much for these great sentence alterations.
I wanted to let you know right away how much I appreciate your suggestions. I will contact you ASAP with a more considered response, one that your review deserves.
Marv
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Bill. The plot is moving along. Russ is having trouble with his wardrobe, his women, and his script. Yeesh! Well written in your usual style, easy to understand with some good quips. Shorter than usual, but perhaps it is because the next scene will be at the restaurant. Marilyn
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
Hi Bill. The plot is moving along. Russ is having trouble with his wardrobe, his women, and his script. Yeesh! Well written in your usual style, easy to understand with some good quips. Shorter than usual, but perhaps it is because the next scene will be at the restaurant. Marilyn
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thanks for the review and the 5 stars.
Always good to get your take on a chapter. That way I know I'm on the right track. (or not)
Thank you for the compliments.
Marv
Comment from Dr. Nad
What to Wear? , A chapter in your book: "The Magic Title" Is a delightful read. In this chapter, you begin with the intrigue. You help us to see a man go through his perception of what a woman goes through when she know she's going somewhere special but left in the dark as to where. You enable us to go through the ups and downs and the ins and outs of the decision-making process and then in the end we're left hanging as to what is really going to happen and where they are going.!.!.! LOL. Thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
|
What to Wear? , A chapter in your book: "The Magic Title" Is a delightful read. In this chapter, you begin with the intrigue. You help us to see a man go through his perception of what a woman goes through when she know she's going somewhere special but left in the dark as to where. You enable us to go through the ups and downs and the ins and outs of the decision-making process and then in the end we're left hanging as to what is really going to happen and where they are going.!.!.! LOL. Thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
-
Doc
You have warmed my heart with your kind and insightful review. I didn't realize I'd written so much. It's good to hear your reaction. Thanks for taking the time to help me.
I hope our paths cross again.
Marv
-
You are most welcome.
Embrace the love from above!
Comment from LisaD123
This is an entertaining chapter which keeps the reader hooked as to what will happen next. There are interesting philosophical questions along the way to do with the dilemma for women on what to wear. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
|
This is an entertaining chapter which keeps the reader hooked as to what will happen next. There are interesting philosophical questions along the way to do with the dilemma for women on what to wear. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
-
Lisa
It was kind of you to review this small chapter. So glad you liked it. Thanks for the many stars.
I hope to see you again.
Marv
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This was a well written piece. Interesting that it all takes place inside the characters head with little external narrative, which gives good insight into the character and his musings. the clothes thing was funny.
Nice write
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
|
Hi there,
This was a well written piece. Interesting that it all takes place inside the characters head with little external narrative, which gives good insight into the character and his musings. the clothes thing was funny.
Nice write
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
-
Thanks for reviewing this piece. I'm glad you liked it.
My novel goes back and forth between much dialogue and little or no dialogue.
Thank you for the compliments.
I wish you all the best, also.
Marv
Comment from MirandaDJ
I really enjoyed this chapter. It is well written, interesting and perceptive. It was good to imagine a man finding it hard to choose his outfit. He is absolutely right, it is normally woman who struggle with this and that is why I could absolutely identify with the character. Well done!
reply by the author on 27-May-2016
|
I really enjoyed this chapter. It is well written, interesting and perceptive. It was good to imagine a man finding it hard to choose his outfit. He is absolutely right, it is normally woman who struggle with this and that is why I could absolutely identify with the character. Well done!
Comment Written 27-May-2016
reply by the author on 27-May-2016
-
Thank you for reviewing this chapter.
You've given me a lot of compliments. Thank you very much. I appreciate every one of them.
I hope our paths cross again and soon.
Marv
Comment from candyfink
This is an interesting short story.............. so what if I read it because you have the same name as my father, lol........ it got me to read a good story.
reply by the author on 27-May-2016
|
This is an interesting short story.............. so what if I read it because you have the same name as my father, lol........ it got me to read a good story.
Comment Written 27-May-2016
reply by the author on 27-May-2016
-
So sorry to learn of your disability.
Thanks for the review. More on that later.
Marv
Comment from Stephanie Kastner
I love how his mind is on Liz, and what might happen into the date. I also think it's a nice play about between men and women that he is anxious about what he might wear. Only one mention about grammar...you forgot the period in the second to last paragraph.
reply by the author on 27-May-2016
|
I love how his mind is on Liz, and what might happen into the date. I also think it's a nice play about between men and women that he is anxious about what he might wear. Only one mention about grammar...you forgot the period in the second to last paragraph.
Comment Written 27-May-2016
reply by the author on 27-May-2016
-
Stephanie
Thanks for your generous review and the stars.
I'm glad that you, ?. . . love how his mind is on Liz, and what might happen into the date.? I'm torn between speeding up the action and spending time on these kinds of things.
Thanks for the typo tip.
Marv