Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Mayhem"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
9 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
H Brett, another very good chapter that was a joy to read. A couple of things:
'Even if they had cold=bloodily butchered the mother of your son...'
I would suggest: 'Even if they had butchered the mother of your son in cold blood...'
That way you get rid of the 'ly' word.
'for a specific reason-he had to = for a specific reason - he had to.
Looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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H Brett, another very good chapter that was a joy to read. A couple of things:
'Even if they had cold=bloodily butchered the mother of your son...'
I would suggest: 'Even if they had butchered the mother of your son in cold blood...'
That way you get rid of the 'ly' word.
'for a specific reason-he had to = for a specific reason - he had to.
Looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment Written 27-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Appreciate the catches. Glad you are enjoying this story. Many Fanstorians are. Stay tuned. Much more to come.
Comment from Kooky Clown
What more can I say that I have not already said I am enjoying this possibly more each time I read some more, the story continues to have me entrapped ion it the characters are so real and I love it.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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What more can I say that I have not already said I am enjoying this possibly more each time I read some more, the story continues to have me entrapped ion it the characters are so real and I love it.
Comment Written 27-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Brett,
You sure are great at writing this story. I enjoyed every word of it, but the most particular part that I thought was really great is when you wrote: "You pathetic son-of-a-b----!" leaving four spaces empty.
Kat or MizKat
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Hi Brett,
You sure are great at writing this story. I enjoyed every word of it, but the most particular part that I thought was really great is when you wrote: "You pathetic son-of-a-b----!" leaving four spaces empty.
Kat or MizKat
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Glad you are enjoying this story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from MTF1955
I liked this story. your storytelling allowed me to see if playing out in my mind. Look forward to what will happen next. Nice job. Mary
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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I liked this story. your storytelling allowed me to see if playing out in my mind. Look forward to what will happen next. Nice job. Mary
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Please tell me the year or around the time for this story.
Excellently done but I feel more surprises coming.
Now more about Cody and the long lost relative?
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Please tell me the year or around the time for this story.
Excellently done but I feel more surprises coming.
Now more about Cody and the long lost relative?
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Modern Day in a small West Texas town. More about Cody's situation with the long lost relative soon to follow. Glad you are enjoying this story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Jonadab Ezerie
This is well written. I think it is thought proving in a lot of ways. Obviously, you are a great talented writer. . Very well written it flows so well with anticipation of what might happen as time moves on. Thanks for the read. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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This is well written. I think it is thought proving in a lot of ways. Obviously, you are a great talented writer. . Very well written it flows so well with anticipation of what might happen as time moves on. Thanks for the read. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Much more to come so stay tuned. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from misscookie
Wow !
What can I say I wanted to read this later but you have me under you story trail
This is some read. To watch an human die must be tough...
but If you live by the sword you will die by the sword(injection).
Cookie
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Wow !
What can I say I wanted to read this later but you have me under you story trail
This is some read. To watch an human die must be tough...
but If you live by the sword you will die by the sword(injection).
Cookie
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this misscookie!!! :) :) :)
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Until next time
Cookie
Comment from WalkerMan
This is a gripping story with believable characters and an apparently well designed plot. The dialog is realistic and the action proceeds at a fairly fast pace. The chapter ends in a manner that likely would keep many readers from putting the book down. There are a few minor typos; but overall, well done.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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This is a gripping story with believable characters and an apparently well designed plot. The dialog is realistic and the action proceeds at a fairly fast pace. The chapter ends in a manner that likely would keep many readers from putting the book down. There are a few minor typos; but overall, well done.
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
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You are welcome. I liked it. -- Mike
Comment from bookishfabler
Even though I am pointing out nits, I'm sure you will look at them. mainly commas and period placement, I gave it 5.
Driving past the Astatula City Limits sign(,) Sheriff Daniels(') mind was back in Huntsville.
very specific reason(-.) (,) (h)e had to. For Diane's sake(-.) (,) (a)nd for Tyler's.
"I'm sorry(,) Brock. What was that?"
"Time to wrap up the Astatula Assassin case(,) Sweetie," the Sheriff replied.
Old West vigilante justice(-,) or necktie parties(-,) on my watch(,) Charlie,"
of them,(.) "(G)o on home now and let the legal system run its course."
Sheriff's instructions(-,) "(S)tringing him up will teach him a real good lesson!"
"That's all (alright) right(,) Charlie. Doris is out there at her place all alone."
I am enjoying this book. I loved the beginning while watching the murderer get the injection. I'm weird that way. Thanks again for sharing
Hope I've been helpful.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Even though I am pointing out nits, I'm sure you will look at them. mainly commas and period placement, I gave it 5.
Driving past the Astatula City Limits sign(,) Sheriff Daniels(') mind was back in Huntsville.
very specific reason(-.) (,) (h)e had to. For Diane's sake(-.) (,) (a)nd for Tyler's.
"I'm sorry(,) Brock. What was that?"
"Time to wrap up the Astatula Assassin case(,) Sweetie," the Sheriff replied.
Old West vigilante justice(-,) or necktie parties(-,) on my watch(,) Charlie,"
of them,(.) "(G)o on home now and let the legal system run its course."
Sheriff's instructions(-,) "(S)tringing him up will teach him a real good lesson!"
"That's all (alright) right(,) Charlie. Doris is out there at her place all alone."
I am enjoying this book. I loved the beginning while watching the murderer get the injection. I'm weird that way. Thanks again for sharing
Hope I've been helpful.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Glad you are enjoying this story. Stay tuned. Much more to come. Your comments and support appreciated.
