Word-Weaving
Triolet47 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
A very well written Triolet.
I liked the use of enjambment and the fluidity of the poem.
What an amazing group we poets are.
Good luck in the contest.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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A very well written Triolet.
I liked the use of enjambment and the fluidity of the poem.
What an amazing group we poets are.
Good luck in the contest.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 13-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Thanks, Shirley!
Steve
Comment from visionary1234
Oh you have, indeed, done some great 'tinkering' here Steve. Your enjambment is masterfully done! (I usually fiddle with enjambment but didn't on my triolet this time). Truly - well done, gorgeous piece!! :)Sharyn
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Oh you have, indeed, done some great 'tinkering' here Steve. Your enjambment is masterfully done! (I usually fiddle with enjambment but didn't on my triolet this time). Truly - well done, gorgeous piece!! :)Sharyn
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Thanks, Sharyn!
I'm feeling very hard done by, because I've given my best shot in every site contest this year and received diddly-squat so far. I think they don't like me, boo-hoo.
Steve
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That's crazy! You're one of the best writers on the site, Steve! (Apart from me, of course, says she modestly). I saw a little note on your being shortlisted for some major competition, right? What a validation! Do you submit your stuff for publication anywhere, or have you put a book together? You're REALLY good!!! (And I no longer worry about what the 'committee' says).
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Thank you! No really a major competition, but yes, I made the shortlist for the Magic Oxygen Literary Prize, which is an INTERESTING competition. I ended up fourth which was a nice ego stroke, and I have a copy of their anthology with my poem and mug-shot in it. They have also planted two trees in Kenya as a result, which is nice!
I have reservations about how the committee does its work, which wouldn't matter, except in my usual straitened circumstances, I could really do with the prize money occasionally!
A book? I'm thinking about it... sort of.
Steve
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Well think harder! Rama Devi is an excellent editor and very, very affordable! I want to put a book together to go with my show. And congrats on being shortlisted on what sounds like a pretty major competition!! Poets need to take their ego strokes where they can find them, because it seems like precious few are offered, right??? And I meant what I said about your ability. :)S
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Yes, I have had a conversation with Rama about editing, and I know her rates are reasonable - she even offered mate's rates and Pay as you go! Sadly, my ability to make any financial contribution is unreasonable! We're talking oily-rag territory - which reminds me that I have a poem in my head which includes the phrase 'wringing the oily rag a little harder.' I'm assuming you would know what that means - do you think everyone will know what it means?
If I ever write the darn thing down, this will be my poem for the Bridport Prize, which I was also short-listed for last year, although their short list was 200 names long!
Comment from Margaret Ford
This is a fine poem. I like the message very much, and you've made one of the best art selections I've seen on FS. Congratulations on that.
One suggestion: you might want to consider italicizing the word "can" in the fifth line, so that your iambic tetrameter is maintained for sure, with no chance of the line being read incorrectly. Just a thought.
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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This is a fine poem. I like the message very much, and you've made one of the best art selections I've seen on FS. Congratulations on that.
One suggestion: you might want to consider italicizing the word "can" in the fifth line, so that your iambic tetrameter is maintained for sure, with no chance of the line being read incorrectly. Just a thought.
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Margaret, thanks for the kind words and the thoughtful suggestion.
Steve
Comment from Dawn Munro
...sigh...what a WONDERFUL triolet, Steve -simply sublime. I'm sighing because you have such talent! It's such a privilege to read poetry like this - you do know you are one of my all-time favorites on this site, yes? Best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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...sigh...what a WONDERFUL triolet, Steve -simply sublime. I'm sighing because you have such talent! It's such a privilege to read poetry like this - you do know you are one of my all-time favorites on this site, yes? Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Dawn, thanks for the great review and the words of praise
Steve
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:))
Comment from Marykelly
I like the metaphor of words as threads used to make cloth. The thread becomes something entirely different when joined together to make a whole cloth just as words become entirely different when put in context with other words to make images, ideas, or narratives. The repetition underscores weaving which is a repetitive task that results in something new.
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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I like the metaphor of words as threads used to make cloth. The thread becomes something entirely different when joined together to make a whole cloth just as words become entirely different when put in context with other words to make images, ideas, or narratives. The repetition underscores weaving which is a repetitive task that results in something new.
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Mary, thanks for this thoughtful response. I hadn't actually delved into the idea of transformation, or that the weaving metaphor was so appropriate for this form.
Very insightful. Thumb coming your way.
Steve
Comment from dragonpoet
This triolet is smooth and tells of the reason all should write. For both fun and to possibly change the world for the better.
Good luck and keep writing
dragonpeot
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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This triolet is smooth and tells of the reason all should write. For both fun and to possibly change the world for the better.
Good luck and keep writing
dragonpeot
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Thank you!
Steve
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You're welome.
Joan
Comment from strandregs
Fascinating poem and worthy information.
to give meaning I agree is much more agreeable than
to flirt with romance or write nonsense like I do. :-)) Z.
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Fascinating poem and worthy information.
to give meaning I agree is much more agreeable than
to flirt with romance or write nonsense like I do. :-)) Z.
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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A little ambitious, perhaps, to want to change the world, but the occasional reader tells me that I have changed their world, and that's sure a fine feeling.
Steve
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One can't ask for more!!!
Comment from krys123
Hello Steve;
-a grand and exceptional piece of poetry and a masterful triolet poem that reflects what writers do, feel and actually produce to help change the world.
- all of your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the meeting and concept of each and all of your lines therefore making your rhythm to flow smoothly.
- and none of your rhyming words were forced or labored with is also helpful in making the reading clear.
- the rhythmic meter is I obviously iambic tetrameter and along with the cadence, timing and tempo which made the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
- the graphics was very well chosen and very appropriate and relative to the conceptual theme of your writing.
- thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always and good luck in the contest.
Alex
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Hello Steve;
-a grand and exceptional piece of poetry and a masterful triolet poem that reflects what writers do, feel and actually produce to help change the world.
- all of your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the meeting and concept of each and all of your lines therefore making your rhythm to flow smoothly.
- and none of your rhyming words were forced or labored with is also helpful in making the reading clear.
- the rhythmic meter is I obviously iambic tetrameter and along with the cadence, timing and tempo which made the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
- the graphics was very well chosen and very appropriate and relative to the conceptual theme of your writing.
- thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always and good luck in the contest.
Alex
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Alex, thanks for your usual comprehensive and thoughtful review.
Steve
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You are so welcome Steve.
Alex
Comment from nancy_e_davis
That is the key Steve. To make the
repeated lines blend in so they are
almost unnoticed as the poem unfolds
I would make the first two lines on sentence, and
I would put a period at the end of the forth
line and start the fifth with a capitol H.
Just my suggestion. Use or lose. Good job. Nancy
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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That is the key Steve. To make the
repeated lines blend in so they are
almost unnoticed as the poem unfolds
I would make the first two lines on sentence, and
I would put a period at the end of the forth
line and start the fifth with a capitol H.
Just my suggestion. Use or lose. Good job. Nancy
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Thanks, Nancy. There is definitely a trick to it, and yes, a number of ways to adapt these words into different sentences.
Steve
Comment from LIJ Red
Who knows what the writer of the first triolet had in mind. A refrain complete in itself that slams like a door? I agree with you, the smoother flow and shifting meaning is a good thing for the reader.
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Who knows what the writer of the first triolet had in mind. A refrain complete in itself that slams like a door? I agree with you, the smoother flow and shifting meaning is a good thing for the reader.
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Thank you!
Steve
