Comment from CD Richards

Excellent

Kim writing free verse? Of her own choice? With no one holding a gun to her head?

Cat must be rubbing off on you (don't tell her I said that, she'll turn it into something kinky).

This is lovely, Kim. I grinned when I got to the last stanza before I saw the video - I'd heard that story too.

Love the idea of the playful child in you running through the sprinklers.

Well done :)

Craig

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016

Thanks, Craig! :)

I promised Cat a Mary Oliver piece... and to read some of her work... this was as close as I could get. lol
I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Shall I turn on FB? Will you be here a few?

Thanks for the fun review!

*hugs*

Kim

reply by CD Richards on 29-Apr-2016

Sure, turn it on :)

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Oh what great fun with this delightful poem, Kim. Elephants are majestic creatures and very smart too. Apparently yours is the smartest yet because she can paint.

An engaging romp through childhood and those runs through the forest and checking the creeks for frogs and tadpoles.

Another terrific addition to your NaPo book.

Gloria

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016

Hi Gloria!

Thanks for all the wonderful comments. It was time to begin the day on the lighter side! :)

I appreciate you taking the time to read and review! Hope you've had a lovely day.

Kim

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Kim,

Elephants are so special, and many are treated so badly.

Your picture at the end is priceless. What fun it would be to watch that elephant paint. The picture with your poem is perfect for your words.

Your poem has great movement and was fun to read. Oh, to be young again. But, we could take a lesson from the elephant.

Good job and thanks for sharing. Jan

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016

Hi Jan:

We must have been on the same wavelength in taking enjoyment and appreciating animals with a tentative future. Yours, the Rhino and mine, the Elephant. Thanks for all the wonderful comments and taking the time to read.

Kim

Comment from ciliverde

Excellent

Very nice, Kim, I love elephants too, and I love Mary Oliver - she's amazing! You've done a nice job of expressing a desire to rekindle a childlike joy in life...we should all try to do that at times.
Well done,
Carol

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016

Hi Carol,

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate the kind words. It was a fun poem to write. :)

KIm

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

An elephant that paints? That is astounding! My daughter will DIE. She loves elephants too. *smile*

I liked the poem and thought is was smart and wise. I think it covered a lot of ground intellectually. Kudos!


Only one tiny suggestion, if I may. And it's opinion, only. I don't think 'unabashedly' is needed, in the beginning portion of the poem, because your description conveys that imagery so well.

Thanks!

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016

Hi Robyn:

Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions and comments. I like the word 'unabashedly' lol (I'm really bad when I get attached to a word, I don't know why, it is just me) I'll consider that though. I appreciate the suggestion :)

Kim

reply by robyn corum on 28-Apr-2016

I understand completely! We're writers, after all - we like words!

Comment from lightink

Excellent

LOL! This is so sweet! So exuberant! I could feel your joy writing it! Also, I loved how you captured what this means to you - the childhood joy/ innocence ! So where the self portrait?

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016

Hi Jyoti:

If you'll accept stick figures I'll be happy to send one lol My drawing skills are next to nil, I'm afraid. I'll have to find an elephant to teach me lol Thanks for the fun review! :)

Kim

Comment from Leineco

Excellent

You've clearly caught the exuberance underlying
Mary Oliver's "The Storm" (I have read unite a few
of hers - but had not seen this one before - great
find!)

I enjoyed the combined remembering/longing to recapture
in your free form poem :-)

Two thoughts on the formatting you might considers;
re:
I, too, will learn
to recapture the
lost moments of my youth,
to me the middle line should end at recapture - leaving a momentary
dangle/anticipation/question and then the drop into "what" (in fact,
by doing that you can easily eliminate the "the" altogether)
re:
without shoes...
running through
sprinklers.
I find a blank line after the ... at the end of line 1 creates a moment for
the reader to "imagine" and gives more power to the image "running
through sprinklers"

Just thoughts to consider :-)

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016

Hi Leineco!

I love those thoughts! Thank you for the wonderful feedback :) I'll make some edits shortly! I appreciate the thought you put into my poem.

Kim

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

I very much enjoyed this one, Kim!
I, too, was introduced to May Oliver's poems recently by Cat and have been reading several volumes of them with great delight. Having seen elephants languishing for the pleasure of trekking tourists, and the sadness in their eyes, I am more than ever determined to spend some time in one of the elephant sanctuaries in Thailand. They are, as you say, the most delightful creatures. My daughter has taken some wonderful photographs of them, which you might enjoy (http://www.annafawcus.com/blog/asian-elephants-journey-to-freedom).
Your poem is an absolute delight!

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016

Hi Tony!

I will be sure to check out your daughter's site! Thank you for sharing! I got to ride an elephant once when I was 9 at the Omzi Zoo in Portland, Oregon. I've been hooked on them since I was a child. As you can imagine, I haven't had the opportunity to see many up close living in Alaska, but I do enjoy the videos and pictures. Thank you for this wonderful review.

Kim

reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016

Your daughter's blog on the elephants is wonderful, Tony! She takes amazing pictures! Thank you again for sharing!

Kim

Comment from Helen Bach

Excellent

Just lovely Kim, I have seen a video of a baby elephant splashing about in water and your words created a smile for they brought to life the feelings of utter joy they seem to experience. I have a huge love of these fine creatures and your poetry is a fine tribute xx

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016

Hi Helen!

I am so happy that you enjoyed this little poem. As funny as it may sound, I have a lot harder time with free verse than I do with a structured style lol although, I keep getting told I should write more of them. I doubt they'll become a trend for me.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts :)

Kim

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

This deserves a ten! And so does that elephant! Unbelievably brave, is what you are! And I love that you've embraced Mary Oliver's work, found a lovely expression of it, and put into words, this wonderful free verse... my favorite part:

Perhaps, if I simply watch
I, too, will learn
to recapture the
lost moments of my youth,
running through meadows barefoot,
innocent and free...
splashing in puddles,
wading in creeks,
and spending as much
time as possible
without shoes...
running through
sprinklers.

you should write MORE free verse...
the funny thing is... so many poets on this site who THINK they don't
write free verse, often are not writing in exact metered verse,
but they are rhyming... what do they think they are writing?
lol
free form... it's close. It's really close.
The thing is... you can include some rhyme in your work. Mary really doesn't.
But Mary is Mary... you know? Doesn't mean I write just like her, but oh, she embraces life... if you've ever read any of her work, she DOES see ordinary things with extraordinary views... just like this wonderful look into the heart and through the eyes of the elephant. Wonderfully done... reminds me a bit of Lorraine's gogyoshi and video of the bear who was released from the bile farm and was so happy playing in the swimming pool...
we can find happiness in so much. ;)
The movie, Life is Beautiful... shows us that. ;)
This is wonderful. A virtual TEN. (If I didn't already have two of yours in my bookcase waiting for sixes, I'd save it too!) LOL
wonderful!
Cat

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016

Hi Cat!

Oh do I love your exuberant reviews! lol A virtual TEN is an amazing compliment! :) I read at least a dozen of her poems yesterday. Enough to get a feel for her style, anyways :) The one I enjoyed the most was The Storm, so that was the one I included. I started the month with elephants, so thought I'd end the month with elephants, too! lol

Thank you for all the wonderful compliments and comments!

*Hugs*

Kim