Half Moon ShinesTonight
free form contest entry20 total reviews
Comment from foxangie123
This reminded me of a scene in Kenya. I really enjoyed how you took both the nature seen and that heard as well. Great job.
reply by the author on 24-May-2016
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This reminded me of a scene in Kenya. I really enjoyed how you took both the nature seen and that heard as well. Great job.
Comment Written 24-May-2016
reply by the author on 24-May-2016
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Thank you
Comment from Kazzawin
This is outstanding and well worth the stars!
Your words evoke such imagery which is highlighted perfectly by your presentation and accompanying artwork.
I have read all of the entries and I believe this is the winner. I really loved it.
I wish you all the luck in the world. You certainly have my vote : )
reply by the author on 23-May-2016
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This is outstanding and well worth the stars!
Your words evoke such imagery which is highlighted perfectly by your presentation and accompanying artwork.
I have read all of the entries and I believe this is the winner. I really loved it.
I wish you all the luck in the world. You certainly have my vote : )
Comment Written 23-May-2016
reply by the author on 23-May-2016
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Thank you for your review
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Very good entry into the free-form contest...this is great free-form! Wonderful imagery and exact picture to enhance their content and meaning. I really enjoyed this one. Good luck in the contest. God bless and hugs, Susanne
reply by the author on 23-May-2016
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Very good entry into the free-form contest...this is great free-form! Wonderful imagery and exact picture to enhance their content and meaning. I really enjoyed this one. Good luck in the contest. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment Written 23-May-2016
reply by the author on 23-May-2016
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Thank you for your review
Comment from danpald
Captured the moment
With nature exploding
Wonder that fills
The sunset beholding
Well to hear
The concert begin
As nature unfolds
The symphony within
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Captured the moment
With nature exploding
Wonder that fills
The sunset beholding
Well to hear
The concert begin
As nature unfolds
The symphony within
Comment Written 14-May-2016
reply by the author on 14-May-2016
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Thank you for your review-love your little poem especially the last verse.
Comment from rspoet
This is a fine entry for the contest
Excellent concrete imagery
A few suggestions below:
Camouflaged by a tall blade of grass,
a big-eyed grasshopper tilts his head
catching the sound of a dragonfly hovering nearby.
While slowing disappearing in the distance, the sun,
leaves a golden shimmer on the lake and
at lake's edge, a family of frogs
produce a chorus of harmonic croaks
--music upon still waters--
as darkness enshrouds the lake
with only a half-moon shining this night.
I dropped the "silence" because it contradicts the harmonic croaks
--music upon...
All changes are up to you, of course
Beautiful picture to match
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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This is a fine entry for the contest
Excellent concrete imagery
A few suggestions below:
Camouflaged by a tall blade of grass,
a big-eyed grasshopper tilts his head
catching the sound of a dragonfly hovering nearby.
While slowing disappearing in the distance, the sun,
leaves a golden shimmer on the lake and
at lake's edge, a family of frogs
produce a chorus of harmonic croaks
--music upon still waters--
as darkness enshrouds the lake
with only a half-moon shining this night.
I dropped the "silence" because it contradicts the harmonic croaks
--music upon...
All changes are up to you, of course
Beautiful picture to match
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 13-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Thank you for your review
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image and presentation.
-Good poem with very good imagery.
-I like the references to nature:
the lake, frog, dragonfly, and grasshopper
-Good description of the lake as the sun sets.
-Nice ending:
"Silence, when darkness enshrouds the lake,
with only a half moon shining this night."
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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-Very nice image and presentation.
-Good poem with very good imagery.
-I like the references to nature:
the lake, frog, dragonfly, and grasshopper
-Good description of the lake as the sun sets.
-Nice ending:
"Silence, when darkness enshrouds the lake,
with only a half moon shining this night."
Comment Written 13-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Thank you for your review
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You are welcome.
Comment from tony bronk
A very vivid, visual, picturesque poem that is also colorful and full of natures little creatures that seemed a delight in your description. Excellent poem. Tony Bronk Wisconsin
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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A very vivid, visual, picturesque poem that is also colorful and full of natures little creatures that seemed a delight in your description. Excellent poem. Tony Bronk Wisconsin
Comment Written 13-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Thank you for your review
Comment from John Parkin
I enjoyed your subject matter and how nature produces pictures and sounds so perfectly in tune with the time. The moon was only half full so one can imagine what will happen when the moon is full. Nice work.
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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I enjoyed your subject matter and how nature produces pictures and sounds so perfectly in tune with the time. The moon was only half full so one can imagine what will happen when the moon is full. Nice work.
Comment Written 13-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Thank you for your review
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Your welcome.
Comment from Pantygynt
This a lovely piece of mood poetry describing the events coinciding with a sunset. You have elected to punctuate fully this piece of free verse and my advice is to lose all the punctuation completely except for something to partition off the last two lines, the existing dash would do. The existing punctuation creates a very long sentence, the subject of which is the grasshopper. You then comma off a number of subsidiary clauses. The sun is not the subject of any verb merely two present participles. It is the sun that leaves (verb) a golden shimmer so a punctuated grammatically correct version might read as follows
"Camouflaged by a tall blade of grass, {Subsidiary clause 1 of sentence 1}
a big eyed grasshopper tilts his head, {Subject and verb of sentence 1}
catching the sound of a dragonfly hovering nearby(,). {Subsidiary clause 2 of sentence 1}
(while slowing) The sun, slowly disappearing in the distance, (the sun,){Subject and subsidiary clause 1 of sentence 2}
(leaving)leaves a golden shimmer on the lake (and) while at lake's edge, a family of frogs {verb & object of sentence 2 and simultaneous action clause begins with its subject the family of frogs}
produce a chorus of harmonic croaks(,) {verb and object of simultaneous action clause}
- music upon still waters.(-) {Comment to end sentence 2 emphasized by line spacing before and after.
Silence, when darkness enshrouds the lake,
with only a half moon shining this night." {Sentence 3 correct gives closure}
I f you punctuate it can only be read as punctuated. If left free of punctuation the reader creates the situation from the way he or she feels given the words. Often the safest way, particularly in free verse.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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This a lovely piece of mood poetry describing the events coinciding with a sunset. You have elected to punctuate fully this piece of free verse and my advice is to lose all the punctuation completely except for something to partition off the last two lines, the existing dash would do. The existing punctuation creates a very long sentence, the subject of which is the grasshopper. You then comma off a number of subsidiary clauses. The sun is not the subject of any verb merely two present participles. It is the sun that leaves (verb) a golden shimmer so a punctuated grammatically correct version might read as follows
"Camouflaged by a tall blade of grass, {Subsidiary clause 1 of sentence 1}
a big eyed grasshopper tilts his head, {Subject and verb of sentence 1}
catching the sound of a dragonfly hovering nearby(,). {Subsidiary clause 2 of sentence 1}
(while slowing) The sun, slowly disappearing in the distance, (the sun,){Subject and subsidiary clause 1 of sentence 2}
(leaving)leaves a golden shimmer on the lake (and) while at lake's edge, a family of frogs {verb & object of sentence 2 and simultaneous action clause begins with its subject the family of frogs}
produce a chorus of harmonic croaks(,) {verb and object of simultaneous action clause}
- music upon still waters.(-) {Comment to end sentence 2 emphasized by line spacing before and after.
Silence, when darkness enshrouds the lake,
with only a half moon shining this night." {Sentence 3 correct gives closure}
I f you punctuate it can only be read as punctuated. If left free of punctuation the reader creates the situation from the way he or she feels given the words. Often the safest way, particularly in free verse.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-May-2016
reply by the author on 13-May-2016
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Thank you for your review-I can see that there may be too many commas in which I will change in my poem.
Comment from Lisa Deverick
Your words are so calming and serene. Your poem makes me want to be there with a fishing pole and a glass of cabernet. Nice picture to accompany also. good luck!
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Your words are so calming and serene. Your poem makes me want to be there with a fishing pole and a glass of cabernet. Nice picture to accompany also. good luck!
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thank you for your review
