Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Challenge"Five Stories of Life
24 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Congratulations on the win for this one. I think this is quite a feat because I honestly couldn't understand the prompt at all. It was a mess of instructions initially! LOL
displayed the name "Challenge" in bright blue letter's. - letters.
scents of lilacs and jasmine.
. - delete the errant full stop here from the blank line.
All the children were two to five when the city of challenge was born - earlier it is stated 2-6.
Then quickly it changed. . - delete one of the full stops here.
Good strong concept and tone maintained throughout the piece. Good for a follow-up as well.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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Hi there,
Congratulations on the win for this one. I think this is quite a feat because I honestly couldn't understand the prompt at all. It was a mess of instructions initially! LOL
displayed the name "Challenge" in bright blue letter's. - letters.
scents of lilacs and jasmine.
. - delete the errant full stop here from the blank line.
All the children were two to five when the city of challenge was born - earlier it is stated 2-6.
Then quickly it changed. . - delete one of the full stops here.
Good strong concept and tone maintained throughout the piece. Good for a follow-up as well.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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thank you so much I always like your viewpoint . On my way to make edits.
Comment from Helen Bach
I thought your story was an excellent read and a worthy winner. I enjoy your writing Judy, I'm surprised I didn't recognise you. You created such an amazing story that could easily be expanded upon without the prompts if you want to return.
It was a challenging prompt that led the entrants in many different directions. Yours was my favourite. X
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
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I thought your story was an excellent read and a worthy winner. I enjoy your writing Judy, I'm surprised I didn't recognise you. You created such an amazing story that could easily be expanded upon without the prompts if you want to return.
It was a challenging prompt that led the entrants in many different directions. Yours was my favourite. X
Comment Written 20-May-2016
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
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Thank you Helen, What I love about these contests is the way it challenges you to think differently. I would have never written that story with it. I had no plot when I started and then it evolved into that strange world where we cured children by slowly taking a parents life. Where did that come from? I guess from sitting down and writing. Every day I am getting stronger and stronger. I always look forward to seeing your name.
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You have a most creative brain, I suspect when you get up to your full speed you'll be spitting out 1-2 novels a year and I'll be waiting to buy them x
Comment from GeraldS
This is a neat little story. Once the contest is over you might consider revising and expanding the story a bit more. Take out the prompt cues, and focus on showing what is happening within the families rather than just telling the reader that all families have lost a parent. I think this story has a lot of potential to become more than just a contest entry.
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
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This is a neat little story. Once the contest is over you might consider revising and expanding the story a bit more. Take out the prompt cues, and focus on showing what is happening within the families rather than just telling the reader that all families have lost a parent. I think this story has a lot of potential to become more than just a contest entry.
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
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Thank you so much. I didn't think of expanding it until you and one other person suggested it Thank you for the idea.
Comment from flylikeaneagle
A city to go to and a child to be saved. Great story for the challenge. A sacrifice of love for the child and a close knit town. The children will remember their parents and friends in the town by Austin. Well written. Maybe, they will be united together and celebrate their lives. Great what if story! flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
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A city to go to and a child to be saved. Great story for the challenge. A sacrifice of love for the child and a close knit town. The children will remember their parents and friends in the town by Austin. Well written. Maybe, they will be united together and celebrate their lives. Great what if story! flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
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Thank you it was a fun thing to write. I have no idea where the idea came from I just started writing.
Comment from enitsalemap
I was intrigued. At the beginning the piece seemed to be an authentic memoir but the more I read I realized we were going somewhere else. You pulled me into your world and I wanted to see where we were going.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
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I was intrigued. At the beginning the piece seemed to be an authentic memoir but the more I read I realized we were going somewhere else. You pulled me into your world and I wanted to see where we were going.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
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Thank you , It was a fun journey into my mind. I had no idea where it was going and then it turned into a strange but possible story.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hello author,
This is an intricate and well woven story that you've created. It shows an exceptional sense of imagination to build this gated community. The backstory that you give at the end is impressive and gives the reader an entirely new set of details to reflect upon, as "Challenge" appears to be an idyllic community and there is no allusion that any of the children were anything but normal.
I commend your originality and applaud this extremely well written story. You have met all of the requirements for the contest, by creating the city of Challenge and incorporating song lyrics into your piece.
This story is a worthy six, and I do not give those lightly or often.
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Hello author,
This is an intricate and well woven story that you've created. It shows an exceptional sense of imagination to build this gated community. The backstory that you give at the end is impressive and gives the reader an entirely new set of details to reflect upon, as "Challenge" appears to be an idyllic community and there is no allusion that any of the children were anything but normal.
I commend your originality and applaud this extremely well written story. You have met all of the requirements for the contest, by creating the city of Challenge and incorporating song lyrics into your piece.
This story is a worthy six, and I do not give those lightly or often.
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 12-May-2016
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Thank you so much. I enjoyed writing this one. It was indeed a challenge and I loved it . You made my day Thank you.
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You are welcome :)
Comment from JTStone
I don't give sixes lightly, you have to really impress me--and you did.
My god, that was an amazing story. You set it up so well, I was into it trying to rationalize the cult angle in the early portion. You had me totally believing in the essence of the story. By the end it appeared to be some of the best Sci-Fi I have read, with the caveat that you left it feeling real.
I found this to be a brilliant story, you get my vote, and good luck.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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I don't give sixes lightly, you have to really impress me--and you did.
My god, that was an amazing story. You set it up so well, I was into it trying to rationalize the cult angle in the early portion. You had me totally believing in the essence of the story. By the end it appeared to be some of the best Sci-Fi I have read, with the caveat that you left it feeling real.
I found this to be a brilliant story, you get my vote, and good luck.
Jimmy
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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thank you so much, I had no idea where this story was going until I just kept writing. You have so made me believe in my self. Thank you.
Comment from foxangie123
I was just listening to a CD of George Strait. Is that not odd. You assuredly put a great testamonial of a real challenge here. See you at voting.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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I was just listening to a CD of George Strait. Is that not odd. You assuredly put a great testamonial of a real challenge here. See you at voting.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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thank you , I always look forward to hearing from you.
Comment from Jonadab Ezerie
I love the story line .Words were very well constructed and articulate. Very easy to comprehend. Your style of writing is unique
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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I love the story line .Words were very well constructed and articulate. Very easy to comprehend. Your style of writing is unique
Comment Written 29-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I loved the challenge, but I don't want to live there.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Excellent! This is 7 star writing, and what a clever story it is. It is almost believable, and could one day happen. Very well done. The reason for being in Challenge is not clear until the end. I think any parent would jump at the chance of giving their child a whole healthy life, and would take any offer given. I loved this story, and wish you the best of luck in the contest. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Excellent! This is 7 star writing, and what a clever story it is. It is almost believable, and could one day happen. Very well done. The reason for being in Challenge is not clear until the end. I think any parent would jump at the chance of giving their child a whole healthy life, and would take any offer given. I loved this story, and wish you the best of luck in the contest. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 29-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much.. I thought the challenge was exciting to write about, But wait I don't want to live in Challenge.
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No, perhaps I wouldn't either. Thankfully, my children were healthy, so I didn't need to have to choose. :)
