Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

I thought this was a good story for only two hundred words. I would avoid the use of the word looked and check your spacing for paragraphs.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thank you for your advice and generous review : )

Comment from BruceMiller

Excellent

You certainly have a very interesting story here. After the first sentence, I was almost compelled to keep reading. This should have a good chance in the contest. Good luck.

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thank you very much for such an encouraging review. It is much appreciated : )

Comment from Judy Couch

Excellent

This is scary. You told it well so that the reader can feel the fear of the hunted person. You left the end to the reader's imagination. Good job. Of course, you're aware that this could be made into a much longer story since you weren't able to tell why she was being hunted and what the outcome will be.

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for your encouraging review. Much appreciated : )

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

She waited. Was someone in the there with her or had they left? ...........Eliminate "the" in this sentence...

It was dark, but her eyes had become accustomed and she saw(.....) ...nothing.
...........................An ellipsis is great for creating pauses, especially for dramatic effect in flash fiction. However, they are also three periods, and three periods only. No more...no less.

Good 200 word story here other than that.
Best of luck to you.

~Dean

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thank you so very much for picking up on my errors!
I have read and re-read but obviously missed a very obvious one!
As for the ellipsis...hand up, I did overuse the points but can you tell me if it's alright to space them further apart as I have been guided before? Like so . . . !! Can be confusing but I'm on here to learn : )
I am very grateful for your review and comments. I have amended and put in another word to adjust the count : )

reply by Dean Kuch on 25-Apr-2016

You're very welcome.

In most novels and stories when ellipsis are used for dramatic effect, they are displayed like so:

"Ma'am, I'm so sorry. But...I mean, I don't know what more I can tell you. They didn't say how she died...exactly"

I hope this helps you out.

Good luck.
~Dean :}

Comment from Chrissy710

Excellent

I like this one and reminds me of a 100 word prompt I wrote ( and won my first contest with) last year so I thought your story was well written and had a great ending Cheers Christine good luck for the contest

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for the great review.
Fingers crossed for a satisfactory contest placing : )

reply by Chrissy710 on 25-Apr-2016

good luck

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello, 'm' I like your little story. Good job giving me the creeps in 200 words. LoL Very well-written flash fiction. I wonder what grabbed her.

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thank you very much for your kind words and review. It is truly appreciated : )

Comment from mvbrooks

Good

Strong use of anticipation and mystery.

The challenge of exactly 200 words is interesting-- in this case, you are one word short because, as used in your sentence, "herself" is one word.

I was confused by the visualization. If her back is to the wall...how can she hear the door behind her?

Challenging to "picture" her standing with her back to the wall...with a doorway also in the same wall, and her remaining hidden as she turns to face the wall. Is she behind a curtain?

Great suspense--word count is off due to making a word two syllables when it should be one--and room where she is hiding is hard to visualize.

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for pointing out the word count. You are right and it has been amended.

I pictured the room like in an old style open range type house. The room is quite large and dark. The wall she is behind has openings either side that leads to other rooms, open plan.... hence someone coming at her from behind.

It is hard to explain with few words but she is hiding behind a wall within a room.
When it is dark there are places to hide.....although not in this case : )

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

This well written contest entry seems to depict that the main character is being chased by and is awaiting her fate from an unknown assailant.

The silence of the environment, and her uncertainty, add to the tension displayed in the story.

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

Thank you for your kind rating and review. It is very much appreciated : )

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

very good nicely written, hunted by ghost or a spirit I believe. great write and read on this thanks for sharing the story. have a great day

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for your encouraging review. Wholeheartedly appreciated : )

Comment from jusylee72

Excellent

Fear is the ultimate story. Behind you instead of in front of you, dark rooms, silence, all of those are the key to an exciting story. 200 words is such a challenge and you did it.

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for such encouraging comments. Much appreciated : )