Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

You conveyed the ultimate heartbreak in your poem--I am so sorry you lost your mother at such a young age. Being one of nine children had to be a challenge in itself. Your rhymed couplets in quatrains added to the intensity of your message, and your final line is quite poignant. Warm regards and best wishes in the contest-
Joan

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016

Thank you so much, Joan. Yes, there were quite a few challenges in life facing me at that time...
I had my book published 4 years ago, entitled 'Mama" based on my memoirs. You may remember it, as I had all chapters reviewed on Fanstory as it developed. It is available on Amazon under my own name - Marijke Lockwood, if you are interested. Thanks for your kind comments, Joan, and warmest regards, Marijke :o)

reply by Joan E. on 14-Apr-2016

Thank you for the reminder that you published the full story in your memoir. I am glad life's challenges have subsided. Sweet dreams- Joan

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Fiona,

This is definitely a story of heartbreak - well written to induce those tender feelings in the reader. Great job.

Favorite lines:
The nuns say an angel you will be
There are enough angels, there's only one me

Good luck!

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for your kind and generous review. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)

Comment from Connie C

Excellent

What a very sad poem this is and one in which I can feel your sorrow as you have expressed it so vividly here. I can only imagine how it must have felt to have lost your mother at such an early age.
The last line makes a tremendous impact as you try to console your father while you, too, are saddened.
My best to you in the contest. This truly is a story of heart break.
Connie

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2016

Thanks you very much, Connie, for your kind review and comments. I am pleased I was able to convey the sadness of both myself and my Papa... Warmest regards, Marijke :o)

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

OMG tears...Fiona...this is one of the most heartbreaking poems I have ever read...I know how hard it is to ;lose someone...but your mother...and at ten...a time when you need her so much...and for so many children to be left alone...I know there will be a time all of you will see her again...I am so sorry for the loss of your mother...your poem is very well written...Luff Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2016

Hi Linda, thank you so much for your emotional response to this poem. Although it has been so many years, I still become that little girl again when I look at my Mama's photo. Her loss had a big impact on my life... Thanks again for your review and generous rating. Warmest regards, Marjke :o)

reply by l.raven on 10-Apr-2016

Hi Marjke, our mothers are very special people...sigh...you are always so welcome...xxoo hugs

Comment from write hand blue

Excellent

How sad dying at such a young age and leaving nine small children in need of their Mum.

A very well written and heartfelt poem, with a deep sadness and a heart break last line... 'Papa, Papa please don't cry...'

Good luck in the contest... ~Mel~

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2016

Hi and thank you so much, Mel, for your kind review and comments and generous rating. Warmest regards.

Comment from ~Dovey

Excellent

I really enjoyed your poem and the inspiration you drew to write this lovely poem for your Mama. Your author's notes really augment the meaning behind the poem. I love the rhyme scheme and the breaking with a traditional format to add the last line, such strength it adds to the poem.

Great addition to your book!

Kim

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for your comments and your kind and generous rating, Kim. This one was very close to my heart. Every time I write something about my Mama's passing, so long ago, I become that confused little girl again. Thanks again, and warmest regards, Marijke :o)

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

the pleas of a child's cry knowing her mother is going to die. great write good rhyming and rhythm great chapter in your book. Great read. have a good day.

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for your kind comments and your very generous review. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)

Comment from Dutchie

Exceptional

Hi Marijke. This is a heartbreaking poem, indeed. It tells how much impact the loss of your Mama had on your life. The last goodbye, it must have been so hard, for I know how much you loved your Mama. Love the picture, because that's the way I remember her. Wonderful poem and expressed right from the heart.
Hugs Fietje xxxxxxxxxxx

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2016

HI Fietje. Yes, I think you know how Mama's death impacted me, and made me who I am today! Thank you so much, my friend, for those lovely stars and your supportive review and comments. Love and warmest regards, Marijke :o) xxxxx

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

WOW! Your poem is strong and sad at the same time. The presentation is great--the color scheme, the picture, the heart-felt words. You make the reader feel as though they are right there in that room with your mother and hearing all the talk. Good job. Best wishes in the contest.

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Apr-2016

Thanks jannypan for your kind review and good luck wishes. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)

Comment from Liberty Justice

Exceptional

Such a sorrowful horrendous plea from a child. Such a true sadness for child endure. Poet flows with spirutual
reverence sense urgency. liberty justice

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Apr-2016

Thanks so much, Liberty Justice, for your kind and very generous review. They are truly appreciated.
Warmest regards, Marijke :o)

reply by Liberty Justice on 10-Apr-2016

Stop by my portfolio.
perhaps more people
Will participate in events.
liberty justice

reply by Liberty Justice on 10-Apr-2016

With whom do you have
your book for sale?

reply by Liberty Justice on 10-Apr-2016

Where do you find your
photos?